DOI Heft:
January 31, 1885
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17758#0059
January 31, 1885.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
Cflloml Jf. <$. ^untalrg.
Killed at the Battle of Ahu-Klca, in the Soudan, January Ylth, 1885.
Braye Burnaby down! 'Wheresoever ’tis spoken
The news leaves the lips with a wistful regret.
We picture that square in the desert, shocked, broken,
Yet packed with stout hearts, and impregnable.yet.
And there fell, at last, in close melee, the fighter,
Who Death had so often affronted before,
One deemed he’d no dart for his valorous slighter
Who such a gay heart to the battle-front bore.
But alas ! for the spear-thrust that ended a story
Romantic as Roland’s, as Lion-Heart’s brief!
Yet crowded with incident, gilded with glory,
And crowned by a laurel that’s verdant of leaf.
A latter-day Paladin, prone to adventure,
With little enough of the spirit that sways
The man. of the market, the shop, the indenture !
Yet grief-drops will glitter on Burnaby's hays.
Fast friend as keen fighter, the strife-glow preferring,
t Yet cheery all round with his friends and his foes ;
Content through a life-story short, yet soul-stirring
And happy, as doubtless he’d deem, in its close.
Thou that in every field of earth and sky
Didst hunt for Death, who seemed to flee and fear,
How great and greatly fallen dost thou lie,
Slain in the desert by a nameless spear !
“Not here, alas 1 ” may England say, “not here,
In such a quarrel was it meet to die ;
But in that dreadful battle drawing nigh,
To shake the Afghan mountains lone and sere! ”
Like Aias by the ships, shouldst thou have stood.
And in some pass have stayed the stream of fight,
The bulwark of thy people and their shield,
Till Helmund or till Lora ran with blood,
And back, towards the Northlands and the Night,
The stricken Eagles’scattered from the field 1
THE OUT-OR-BOUNDARY COMMISSION.
South-East-by-West Loamshire.
Major Foote Roole, R.E., held an inquiry last week at the
County Hall, Muddlestickleborough, to hear objections and sugges-
tions as to the proposals of the Commissioners. There was a large
and noisy attendance, amongst those present being the Earl of
Ditchwater, Mr. Softsoap Sawder, M.P., Mr. Whigblock (the
Recorder of Little Beerborough), the Mayors of Muddlestickleborough,
Great Tatars, Pedlington Minor, and many others.
The Commissioner referred to the principle upon which the Com-
mission had proceeded. Loamshire was certainly agricultural,
although there was a strong mining population in parts, with here
and. there a large number of mill-hands. Roughly, the County
Division they were considering had a population of 200,000. They
proposed to divide it into four Divisions, each returning a Member.
The first of the four would comprise Brummagum, Waddleton, Bangs-
borough, Monkshole, and Mudd-under-Fogg. As the first-named
of these places was infinitely the largest, the Division would be
called after it.
The Constable of Mudd-under-Fogg (who also filled eight other
local Municipal offices) complained bitterly of unfairness. He said
that Mudd-under-Fogg was a very ancient plaoe, and appeared in
Domesday Book, Under these circumstances, it would be scandalous
lotto allow the Division to be called Mudd-under-Fogg.
Mr. Fossil scoffed at this idea, and declared that Mudd-under-
Togg could not be found in any topographical dictionary. Why not
call the.Division “ Monkshole” ? He could assure the Commissioner
^contained a very ornamental pump, and was altogether a remark-
TvI' rV- He lived there himself..
J-ne Commissioner thought that in spite oi the arguments of the
two last speakers, that perhaps the better name would be Brummagum,
tor the reasons he had already given. The other Divisions would
rrf v?mP°sed respectively of Boshington, Litt.lebat, and Slumborough;
P1 Mugby Junction, Anyhow, and Upham-Parkroadstone, and Lark-
inGreat Bangs, Nightcapp-Cotton, Harvey-under-Sorse, and
D\ttle Beerborough. He could assure those present that the Com-
mission had taken much care in the preparation of their scheme,
1 £la<Uy hear any suggestion. ... ..
. ALr. Brasslungs said that after this invitation be had no hesitation
declaring that the Franchise Aot was a fraud, and the proposed
^ a soandal to civilisation. ,
The Commissioner suggested that the remarks of Mr. Bbasslungs
were more suitable to a meeting of the Yestry than a gathering such
as that then present. He (the Commissioner) did not wish to sup-
press argument, but there was always a fixed latitude.
Mr. Brabslungs. But not a fixed longitude. {Laughter.) I shall
he another two hours longer at the very least. [Cheers.)
The speaker then went on to say that Britannia rules the Waves,
he did not believe in Fair Trade, he considered the charges of the
Parcels Post excessively high, and objected on principle to the
imposition of the Income Tax.
The Commissioner again interposed to explain that, although there
was a great deal of interest in what Mr. Brasslungs was saying, yet,
strictly speaking, his remarks were not exactly germane to the matter
they had met together to discuss.
Upon this Mr. Brasslungs angrily left the room, declaring that
the Commissioner was “ in a ring and had been tampered with.”
Mr. Whigblock, as Recorder for Little Beerborough, announced
that at the last meeting of the Court of Quarter Sessions, a Com-
mittee of Magistrates had been appointed to consider the plan of the
Commission. That Committee would support the Commission, sup-
posing that instead of four Divisions there were fourteen, and that
all the suggested groupings were radically changed. Thus they
would transfer Mudd-under-Fogg, which, consisted only of four
inhabitants, from the first to the fourth Division, and transpose two-
thirds of the boroughs now appearing in the second Division to the
third. He was not quite sure if he had made himself clearly under-
stood. To be frank, he was forced to admit that he had considerable
doubt about his own meaning. However, that was the decision of
the Committee to whom he referred, and he trusted the Commissioner
would take their suggestion into his most favourable consideration.
The Commissioner cordially assented to his request, and asked if
any Gentleman had any further remarks to make upon this subjeot.
Mr. Brown said he certainly considered the policy of the Govern-
as regards. Egypt was open to the gravest observation.
The Commissioner said that this would scaroely be time or place
for a speech upon the matter.
Mr. Jones, as a friend of Mr. Brown, disagreed with the Commis-
sioner. The Government policy abroad was of much importance to
the country in general, and to Big Twaddleton (of which borough he,
the speaker, was proud to say he was a native) in particular.
Mr. Robinson expressed similar views, at great length.
The Commissioner said as he did not wish to lay himself open to the
charge of burking discussion— (“ Hear, hear /”)—he had permitted
the last three speakers to say what they pleased. (Loud cheering.)
However, he was bound to tell them that what Messrs. Brown, Jones,
and Robinson had said was entirely irrelevant to the subjectbefore
them. (“ No, no ! ”) Had any other Gentleman a remark to offer ?
Mr. Rosts, on behalf of the Conservative Association, suggested a
counter-scheme to that proposed by the Commission, which differed
from it in every particular.
Mr. Fees (Agent for the Liberal Association) also suggested a
counter-scheme from an opposite point of view, equally hostile to
the provisions suggested by the Commissioners.
After three hours of hot discussion, that brought into view the
fact that the rival schemes raised so many points of difficulty and
detail that it was quite impossible to reconcile them—
The Earl of Ditchwater thought that on the whole it was much
better to accept the fiuding of a perfectly independent body like that
of the Commissioners. (Cheers, groans, jeers and hisses.) Well
would they have the Liberal scheme—(“ No,no.1")—or the Conserva-
tive—(“ No, no/”),—orany other—(“ No,no/”). Well then all that
remained was the scheme of the Commission— [laughter)— and they
must make the best of it like good citizens, excellent neighbours—
he would go further and say—like worthy representatives of those
men who, in the glorious days of old, had won for them Waterloo,
Trial by Jury, Cheap Bread, and last, hut certainly not least, Magna
Charta. [Loud and prolonged cheering.)
The Commissioner, in acknowledging a vote of thanks, promised
that the most careful consideration should be given to the suggestions
(many of them most valuable, and all of them extremely interesting)
that had been offered to him. The proceedings then terminated.
FOG.
Thou comest in familiar guise,
When in the morning i awake,
You irritate my throat and eyes,
I vow that life’s a sad mistake.
You come to hang about my hair,
My much-enduring lungs to
clog,
I feel you with me everywhere,
Our own peouliar London Fog.
You clothe the City in such gloom,
We scarce can see across the
street,
You seem to penetrate, each room,
And mix with everything I eat.
I hardly dare to stir about,
But sit supine as any log;
You make it torture to go out,
Our own peouliar London Fog.
The Real Land Question.—How to make Land answer.
LXXXVTIT,
#
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
Cflloml Jf. <$. ^untalrg.
Killed at the Battle of Ahu-Klca, in the Soudan, January Ylth, 1885.
Braye Burnaby down! 'Wheresoever ’tis spoken
The news leaves the lips with a wistful regret.
We picture that square in the desert, shocked, broken,
Yet packed with stout hearts, and impregnable.yet.
And there fell, at last, in close melee, the fighter,
Who Death had so often affronted before,
One deemed he’d no dart for his valorous slighter
Who such a gay heart to the battle-front bore.
But alas ! for the spear-thrust that ended a story
Romantic as Roland’s, as Lion-Heart’s brief!
Yet crowded with incident, gilded with glory,
And crowned by a laurel that’s verdant of leaf.
A latter-day Paladin, prone to adventure,
With little enough of the spirit that sways
The man. of the market, the shop, the indenture !
Yet grief-drops will glitter on Burnaby's hays.
Fast friend as keen fighter, the strife-glow preferring,
t Yet cheery all round with his friends and his foes ;
Content through a life-story short, yet soul-stirring
And happy, as doubtless he’d deem, in its close.
Thou that in every field of earth and sky
Didst hunt for Death, who seemed to flee and fear,
How great and greatly fallen dost thou lie,
Slain in the desert by a nameless spear !
“Not here, alas 1 ” may England say, “not here,
In such a quarrel was it meet to die ;
But in that dreadful battle drawing nigh,
To shake the Afghan mountains lone and sere! ”
Like Aias by the ships, shouldst thou have stood.
And in some pass have stayed the stream of fight,
The bulwark of thy people and their shield,
Till Helmund or till Lora ran with blood,
And back, towards the Northlands and the Night,
The stricken Eagles’scattered from the field 1
THE OUT-OR-BOUNDARY COMMISSION.
South-East-by-West Loamshire.
Major Foote Roole, R.E., held an inquiry last week at the
County Hall, Muddlestickleborough, to hear objections and sugges-
tions as to the proposals of the Commissioners. There was a large
and noisy attendance, amongst those present being the Earl of
Ditchwater, Mr. Softsoap Sawder, M.P., Mr. Whigblock (the
Recorder of Little Beerborough), the Mayors of Muddlestickleborough,
Great Tatars, Pedlington Minor, and many others.
The Commissioner referred to the principle upon which the Com-
mission had proceeded. Loamshire was certainly agricultural,
although there was a strong mining population in parts, with here
and. there a large number of mill-hands. Roughly, the County
Division they were considering had a population of 200,000. They
proposed to divide it into four Divisions, each returning a Member.
The first of the four would comprise Brummagum, Waddleton, Bangs-
borough, Monkshole, and Mudd-under-Fogg. As the first-named
of these places was infinitely the largest, the Division would be
called after it.
The Constable of Mudd-under-Fogg (who also filled eight other
local Municipal offices) complained bitterly of unfairness. He said
that Mudd-under-Fogg was a very ancient plaoe, and appeared in
Domesday Book, Under these circumstances, it would be scandalous
lotto allow the Division to be called Mudd-under-Fogg.
Mr. Fossil scoffed at this idea, and declared that Mudd-under-
Togg could not be found in any topographical dictionary. Why not
call the.Division “ Monkshole” ? He could assure the Commissioner
^contained a very ornamental pump, and was altogether a remark-
TvI' rV- He lived there himself..
J-ne Commissioner thought that in spite oi the arguments of the
two last speakers, that perhaps the better name would be Brummagum,
tor the reasons he had already given. The other Divisions would
rrf v?mP°sed respectively of Boshington, Litt.lebat, and Slumborough;
P1 Mugby Junction, Anyhow, and Upham-Parkroadstone, and Lark-
inGreat Bangs, Nightcapp-Cotton, Harvey-under-Sorse, and
D\ttle Beerborough. He could assure those present that the Com-
mission had taken much care in the preparation of their scheme,
1 £la<Uy hear any suggestion. ... ..
. ALr. Brasslungs said that after this invitation be had no hesitation
declaring that the Franchise Aot was a fraud, and the proposed
^ a soandal to civilisation. ,
The Commissioner suggested that the remarks of Mr. Bbasslungs
were more suitable to a meeting of the Yestry than a gathering such
as that then present. He (the Commissioner) did not wish to sup-
press argument, but there was always a fixed latitude.
Mr. Brabslungs. But not a fixed longitude. {Laughter.) I shall
he another two hours longer at the very least. [Cheers.)
The speaker then went on to say that Britannia rules the Waves,
he did not believe in Fair Trade, he considered the charges of the
Parcels Post excessively high, and objected on principle to the
imposition of the Income Tax.
The Commissioner again interposed to explain that, although there
was a great deal of interest in what Mr. Brasslungs was saying, yet,
strictly speaking, his remarks were not exactly germane to the matter
they had met together to discuss.
Upon this Mr. Brasslungs angrily left the room, declaring that
the Commissioner was “ in a ring and had been tampered with.”
Mr. Whigblock, as Recorder for Little Beerborough, announced
that at the last meeting of the Court of Quarter Sessions, a Com-
mittee of Magistrates had been appointed to consider the plan of the
Commission. That Committee would support the Commission, sup-
posing that instead of four Divisions there were fourteen, and that
all the suggested groupings were radically changed. Thus they
would transfer Mudd-under-Fogg, which, consisted only of four
inhabitants, from the first to the fourth Division, and transpose two-
thirds of the boroughs now appearing in the second Division to the
third. He was not quite sure if he had made himself clearly under-
stood. To be frank, he was forced to admit that he had considerable
doubt about his own meaning. However, that was the decision of
the Committee to whom he referred, and he trusted the Commissioner
would take their suggestion into his most favourable consideration.
The Commissioner cordially assented to his request, and asked if
any Gentleman had any further remarks to make upon this subjeot.
Mr. Brown said he certainly considered the policy of the Govern-
as regards. Egypt was open to the gravest observation.
The Commissioner said that this would scaroely be time or place
for a speech upon the matter.
Mr. Jones, as a friend of Mr. Brown, disagreed with the Commis-
sioner. The Government policy abroad was of much importance to
the country in general, and to Big Twaddleton (of which borough he,
the speaker, was proud to say he was a native) in particular.
Mr. Robinson expressed similar views, at great length.
The Commissioner said as he did not wish to lay himself open to the
charge of burking discussion— (“ Hear, hear /”)—he had permitted
the last three speakers to say what they pleased. (Loud cheering.)
However, he was bound to tell them that what Messrs. Brown, Jones,
and Robinson had said was entirely irrelevant to the subjectbefore
them. (“ No, no ! ”) Had any other Gentleman a remark to offer ?
Mr. Rosts, on behalf of the Conservative Association, suggested a
counter-scheme to that proposed by the Commission, which differed
from it in every particular.
Mr. Fees (Agent for the Liberal Association) also suggested a
counter-scheme from an opposite point of view, equally hostile to
the provisions suggested by the Commissioners.
After three hours of hot discussion, that brought into view the
fact that the rival schemes raised so many points of difficulty and
detail that it was quite impossible to reconcile them—
The Earl of Ditchwater thought that on the whole it was much
better to accept the fiuding of a perfectly independent body like that
of the Commissioners. (Cheers, groans, jeers and hisses.) Well
would they have the Liberal scheme—(“ No,no.1")—or the Conserva-
tive—(“ No, no/”),—orany other—(“ No,no/”). Well then all that
remained was the scheme of the Commission— [laughter)— and they
must make the best of it like good citizens, excellent neighbours—
he would go further and say—like worthy representatives of those
men who, in the glorious days of old, had won for them Waterloo,
Trial by Jury, Cheap Bread, and last, hut certainly not least, Magna
Charta. [Loud and prolonged cheering.)
The Commissioner, in acknowledging a vote of thanks, promised
that the most careful consideration should be given to the suggestions
(many of them most valuable, and all of them extremely interesting)
that had been offered to him. The proceedings then terminated.
FOG.
Thou comest in familiar guise,
When in the morning i awake,
You irritate my throat and eyes,
I vow that life’s a sad mistake.
You come to hang about my hair,
My much-enduring lungs to
clog,
I feel you with me everywhere,
Our own peouliar London Fog.
You clothe the City in such gloom,
We scarce can see across the
street,
You seem to penetrate, each room,
And mix with everything I eat.
I hardly dare to stir about,
But sit supine as any log;
You make it torture to go out,
Our own peouliar London Fog.
The Real Land Question.—How to make Land answer.
LXXXVTIT,
#