Punch (88.1885)

Mat 9, 1885.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

217

INTERNATIONAL INVENTIONS EXHIBITION.

Musical Instruments. Exhibited by Dumb-Crambo Junior.

Bass-soon !—Bass Yial and Horn.

Trump-pet!

Git-tar. (Lowering the Pitch.)

Harm on’y ’um !

Lute.

A-cordy-un.

of aY*10 ,/o speak as the Representative

A HvNDMAN ? No, a FOREMAN What’, the

Jarcelly (Oh?)Carried in one hand ? The one that’s a little

TEARS, IDOL TEARS!

[After Tennyson, with a Twist.)

[Madame Adelina Patti’s farewell performance at San Francisco seems
to have been a veritable vale of tears. The Diva, we are told, broke down
into speechless sobbing, the ladies were all weeping wildly into their pocket-
handkerchiefs, dozens of men were sniffing suspiciously, and “there was not
a dry eye in the House, except that of the ‘ Buttons ’ at the front door.”]

Teaks, maudlin tears, I marvel what you mean!

Tears from the heart-deeps of the Diva fair.

Sob-shake the breast, and swell the swimming'eyes,

In looking on the hysteric Audience-host,

And thinking “I shall sing to them no more! ”

Bright as the dewdrop on the lily pale,

Brought by her friends and in big JoMgMef/hurled,

Sad as the weeps which redden every nose
And flood the general poekethandkerchief,

So>ad, so bright that lachrymal outpour.

Ah, queer and rum those cambrics, silks, and lawns,

At piping-eyes of sobbing womanhood,

And e’en at bearded buffers piping-eyes,

Bandana big, and tiny snowy square,

At every nose—save j“ Button’s ” at the door !

Crass as the snivellings of a siekly boy.

Silly as those by fiction’s fancy feigned,

Wrung from a smut-nosed slavey; hollow as rot,

As tommy-rot, or tippler’s maudlin woe:

Idol-drawn tears, the Age’s bane and bore I

QUITE THE RETURN TICKET.

As there has been a question raised in some quarters as to the
possibility of the initial and completed portion of the Suakim-Berber
Railway being opened for pleasure traffic in the approaching Whit-
suntide holidays, it is satisfactory to know that the following Time-
Table has already been drawn up, and will appear in its proper place
in the current month’s Continental Bradshaw:—

SITAKIM TO BERBER (via OSHAN-DIGNA)-INDIRECT ROUTE.

Down.

Early

Fast.

Mail.
1 2 3

Pari.
1 2 3

Ord.
1 2 3

Exp.
1 2

1 2 3

Cheap
Fast.
1 2 3


a.m.

a.m.

a.m.

p.m.

p.m.

p m.

p.m.

Suakim .

2 0

9 0

12 0

2 15

6 40

7 15

9 0

Handoub ....

2 10

B

12 50



F

Hi

Otao .

A

11 5

1 17

P

P ►>

5 50

CO

p

<8 IS

Osman-Digna..
Berber.

Stop.

/ ar. 4 3
\ dep. *

7 26

3 3.
£T <

p. p.

_D_

CL.
• p
co

P O ®
Stop.


C

_Gr_


E



A This train, though it does not stop, is generally blown up here
by friendlies’ mine, the station, sleepers and refreshment department
having been previously removed over-night.

B Stops by artillery fire only.

C Surviving passengers sent on from Osman-Digna the week after
next in chains. No return tickets issued for this train.

X) First and Second class passengers, not wishing to be sent across
Central Africa in gangs and sold a bargain at Mtempsa, are advised
to alight at the previous station and hide in the Mimosa bushes, and,
if they can, catch the 917 up train for Suakim.

E Does not arrive on Sundays without diplomatic intervention.

F Besieged here on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Satur-
days till relieved by treachery.

G- Accompanied by 15,000 men as far as Osman-Digna, hut does
not get much further.

N.B.—Refreshment Room and Gallows at Osman-Digna Junction.
Arrangements made for Schools and Pic-nics. Vide Special Sandhills.

Moeal From the Case of De Teyson v. Waring.—Beware all
London party-givers and think of Waring ! Don’t lay down mats
on the pavement, but remember what Lord Coleridge has laid down
on the subject. No one has any right to make the pavement a source
of danger to a fellow-subject. Oh, that the peelers of oranges would
remember this, and have the fear of other peelers before their eyes I
There was an old and mysterious advertisement in these words,
“No Door Mat to-night.” This should be the party-giver’s motto,
or the person who is himself caught tripping over the mat will have
matter for an action.

vol. Lxxxvm.

v