Punch (88.1885)

198

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 25, 1885.

to

k y&t

r 'n-'h''

THEORY AND PRACTICE.

Uncle Ben [severely). “My dear Girls, don't be influenced by Appearances. Pray give your Affection apart from any

CONSIDERATION FOR GOOD LOOKS!”

Jane and Susan. “ I'm sure, Uncle Ben, I’ve always been very fond of You ! ”

“WAKING-UP !”

John Bull loquitur :—

A little Cheque ! "Well, not so little,

My keen economists will say,

But I ’ll not grudge one jot or tittle
If ’tis for genuine work I pay.

Tet I confess I have no taste
For inefficiency plus waste.

Strengthen your hands ? Well, I'm quite
willing

If they are hands that work, not squander.
I ’ll back you up with my last shilling,

But past experience makes me ponder.

Tu quoque smart and endless chatter
Don’t seem to me to mend the matter.

Tour business is to fit the Nation
With such a Navy that my Power,
Commerce, and Coast, and Coaling Station
Are safe however Fortune lower.

My business is to pay for it,

And I don’t shirk it, not a bit!

Muddle and constant minimising
Of labour and responsibility
Tou all can manage, it’s surprising
With what gregarious facility.

One thing yen ’re good at, shirk; another
Is at belabouring each other.

But I’m dead sick of shirk and squabble,
Besides, I fancy they may land me
One day in a confounded hobble.

Cave, adsum ! Tou understand me.

Drop them, abandon blague and cant,

And tell me plainly what you want.

As to the old eternal bobbery
Between you and the Treasury, why, Sir,

I know, of course, that waste means robbery.

But you can tell me—will you try, Sir p—
What’s needful, and its cost, about.

Then if I shirk, ’tis my look out.

But don’t you fear! This little Cheque
Can—good occasion shown—be doubled ;
But whilst you squabble, spur, and peck
Like fighting cocks, I own I’m troubled
With one black doubt, I’d like to settle,

That ’tis a case of Pot v. Kettle !

But here’s a Cheque, my Naval Chief-
Take it, and set about your work—

Eh ? Tou ’ll turn over a new leaf ?

Cut squabbling, and abandon shirk ?

That’s right! When Faction cries peccavi,

I shall feel safe about my Navy !

“The Cannon’s Mouth.”

Most of the speakers at the Cannon Street
Meeting on the State of the Navy, disavowed
party spirit in dealing with this great National
question. All the same the Government—and
especially the Admiralty Officials—must have
felt that, in the words of the Laureate,
slightly altered:—

Cannon (Street) to right of them,

Cannon (Street) to left of them,

Cannon (Street) in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d!

Let us hope that this Cannonade may prove a
Cannon-aid to them, in fulfilling one of the
first duties of responsible Statesmen in this
country.

AN IRISH EMBLEM.

In the Daily Chronicle it was reported
that—

“ As the Royal Carriage drove off, an onion was
thrown from Parnell Bridge, which struck one of
the footmen.”

The Royal Jeames de la Pluche couldn’t
understand why this vegetable, of which he
owns he is particularly fond, should have
been hurled at him.

“Didn’t ye notiss,”_then asked an Irish
friend, “that the outside skin was off, and
that the second skin was off, too P ”

“ I did not,” replied Jeames; “butitmight
have taken my outside skin off, had it caught
the bridge of my nose.”

“ An’ what do the two skins off signify P”
asked Tim Murphy.

“ Nothing to me,” answered Jeames.

“ But a moighty dale to the Nationalists,”
returned his friend; “ for thim as threw it
meant that nothin’ less would satisfy them
but the Repale op the Onion ! ”

[Jeames fainted.

France and China.—A telegram from
Pekin reports an English-speaking Diplo-
matist to have said (a long way) after a great
European Statesman, that the best policy
the Celestial Government could pursue
towards the French would be to let them
stew in their own Grevy. The maker of this
remark being an influential Mandarin, nothing
was done to him.