Punch (88.1885)

226 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 9, 1885.

LORD RANDOLPH’S LAMENT.

“ Sir Stafford Northcote is expected to
retire to the House of Lords at the end of the
present session, resigning the Tory Leadership
in the House of Commons to Sir Michael HiCks-
Beach.”—Weekly Paper.

I ’ve travelled among Eastern men
In'lands beyond the sea;

Nor,‘Michael, did I know tiH then
Your deep duplicity!

’Tis past, my Hindustanee trip!

I’m burning for a row.

For this transmitted Leadership
I never will allow.

Sir Stafford's place, I did expect,
Would soon be in my reach;

And shall my projects now be wrecked
On suoh a quiet Beach ?

My presence checked, my flight revealed
Th’ ambition that you nursed;

But of all claims to which 1 ’d yield
Yours really are the worst!

POSTHUMOUS REPARATION.

Descanting on a vast improvement
alleged to have been effected in the episco-
pacy of the Established Church, the Times
observes that:—

“ This change may be variously explained, but
so far as it has been due to any one man, it is
Bishop Wilberforce who must have the credit
for it.”

And this great episcopal Reformer was in
his lifetime a character of notoriety ex-
pressed by the nickname of “ Soafv Sam ” !
How many politicians and other public men
at present objects of popular derision, con-
tempt, and caricature, will be discovered,
after their disappearance, to have been
first-class . fellows ! Be mortuis nil nisi
quam optimum. Reputation is like port
wine; when laid down it improves mar-
vellously with age. And, moreover, they
that are gone are insensible of injury.

The Vicar's Daughter. “ Herb ’a some beautiful hew Foolscap Papa has sent you to
cover the Jam Pots, Cook !”

Cook. “ Oh, it’s a pity to waste that, Miss. Some of Master’s Old Sermons

WOULD DO JUST AS WELL ! ”

Russian Adyance. — Not to Herat, but
in the City. Last Saturday “Russians
advanced two.” This looked satisfactory.

THE MEMBER EOR THE STRAND.

[By a Middle-aged Playgoer.)

T is no less strange than true that,
ever since I was a hoy,

When my parents looked upon me
as their only pride and joy,

It has been my sole ambition, of my
mind the single bent
An especial London District in the
House to represent.

Heaven bless Redistribution! It
entitles me to hope
That my legislative talent soon will
find its proper scope;

For no sooner shall the Bill come
into force than I will stand
On the hustings for election as the
Member for the Strand !

What a district! But what difficult
constituents to serve!

Could I think that from such voters
my fidelity could swerve,

Or that with their lightest wishes I
to trifle could attempt,

I should certainly regard myself with something like contempt.

I, the Actors’ Representative! With joy my heart is thrifled
When I think I may he chosen by the gay Bohemian guild,

By the members of the easiest “profession” in the land,
do defend their public interests as Member for the Strand!

That proposals have been made to me I candidly must own
By the Districts of St. Pancras and of Mary, hight Le Bone;

And the modish Saint of Hanover (not Georgy of the East)

Has entreated me to sit for him, a dozen times at least.

To his latest deputation I replied “ ’Tis all in vain;

I can not consent to represent your fashionable fane,

For I’ve registered a vow that I will ask the mummer-hand
To advance me to the dignity of Member for the Strand! ”

Could a candidate be anything but confident and cool,

If proposed by Henry Irying, and if seconded by Toole ?

If he knew that Ellen Terry wore his colours on her breast,

And. was canvassing from house to house all day at his behest ?

I will rally them around me, all the now familiar names,

Henry Neville, Penley Hill, with Thomas Thorne, and Dated
James ;

And, if I can hut prevail on them to take me by the hand,

I shall head the poll triumphantly as Member for the Strand!

And when once in old St. Stephen’s I have ta’en the oaths and
seat

On behalf of my constituents be sure I ’ll do what’s meet;

In the side of the Lord Chamberlain I mean to he a thorn,

And to make all captious eritics wish they never had been born.
When they worry my electors I shall move the House each time
To commit them to the Tower till they purge them of their crime.
Actors’ pensions and theatrical subventions I have planned,

And I ’ll realise my projects when—I’m Member for the Strand 1