Punch: Punch (38.1860)

January 21, I860.]

PUNCH,

Oil

THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Sk

A WELCOME TO WINTER.

BY A POET WHO BELONGS TO THE MEDICAL PROFESSION.

Hail, Winter! Hail, and snow, and rain!

Send forth thy storms o’er earth again:

Come frost and fog! Come slash and sleet!

That he who walks may get wet feet.

Blow, wintry winds! Blow cold and keen,

And let no warming sun be seen;

So that, despite their thickest coats,

Whoe’er go out may get sore throats.

Inclement time ! the chills prepare
To which weak human flesh is heir:

Let muggy mist, and noxious damp,

Breed ague, asthma, cough, and cramp.

Rude Boreas, cease not to blow.

And lay the halest morf als low :

Bite ’em, and spite ’em, pinch ’em, friz ’em,

And rack their limbs with rheumatism !

Bronchitis, thy dread darts prepare,

And Influenza fill the air:

An evil wind still bloweth good.

For fevers are to doctors food.

Sciatica, tic-doloureux,

With your worst terrors man pursue ;

Long sickness lengtheneth our bills,

We live by what our neighbours kills.

So, Winter, hail! and snow ! and freeze!

. And by foul weather swell our fees :

The heavy head, the light catarrh,
i To doctors meat and raiment are.

THE POPE IN A EIX.

The question WTiat are we to do with him ? is a query which
suggests itself to all reflecting minds when they begin to think of the
posilion of the Pope. His Holiness just nowis somewhat in the place
of the dog upon the race-course. Everybody hoots at him as bein" in
the way, and nobody will stretch a hand to help him out of it. And so
lie runs along with his tail between his legs, and gets considerably
more kicks than kind wishes in his progress.

Notwithstanding the assertion made by Hanover Square Meeting-
men, that the Pope is most “ discreet, religious, and humane,” and
that “his great fault in the eyes of English Protestants is, that he in
fact has no fault at all,” the world at large apparently does not seem
to see it. Faultless though he be in the eyes of spouting fanatics,
those with better eyesight are blind to his good points, and he is in
their view by no means quite infallible. Distance lends proverbially
enchantment to the view, and what to fools in England has the look of
being faultless, to persons nearer Rome appears something very dif-
ferent. The Romagnese have small affection for the Papal rule, and
the people of Perugia have bitter cause to hate it. In fact, the closer
the inspection, the more spots are discoverable in the Papal Sun : and
the nearer people live to him the more they wish fto see the Holy
Father farther.

Meanwhile, the question still remains, What is to be done with him P
Excepting the few fools and fanatics aforesaid, everybody feels con-
vinced that the Pope is in the way, and that soon or late he must be
shoved aside or shelved, or somehow else got rid of. Between the two
stools of his temporal and spiritual authority, it seems to be decided
that he must come to the ground. It may be difficult to run so old a
fox to earth, but ere long we fancy the feat will be accomplished.

matrimony by imposing upon celibacy a duty which they, doubtless,
would wish to be rendered prohibitive. Their proposal to create a
demand for wives by an artificial stimulant is not more absurd than
the mercantile protectionism of their countrymen.

How different, and how much more enlightened, is the conduct of
our own young women, and how much more happy are its results !
English girls, whose fathers are the constant readers of a Press which
devotes itself to the advocacy of sound commercial doctrines, well
know that a demand, whether for goods and chattels or for hearts and
hands, can only be maintained by a satisfactory supply. _ They know
that if an article is unsaleable because it is inferior, no legislative inter-
ference will avail to promote its purchase. Accordingly they devote
all their energies to that self-cultivation which enables tliem to offer an
attractive commodity. Their days are devoted, partly to storing their
minds with useful knowledge, and acquiring domestic arts and pleasing
accomplishments; partly to bodily exercise, with a view to the im-
provement of their figures, and the enrichment of their cheeks with a
healthy roseate bloom.

Not only do the youn<? women of England, high and low, excel those j
of France in the knowledge and practice of that species of economy j
which is called political, but also in personal frugality and thrift. So
that their moderation, in attire especially, is known to all men; and
the consequence is, that they are eagerly inquired for, and experience
no difficulty whatever in disposing of themselves to the best advantage.
Whilst the French sorts are flat, they are buoyant; whereas the foreign
descriptions are heavy, natives are brisk and lively; and when, in
Paris, blondes and brunettes are alike depressed, in London they are
both looking up. Thus the catching daughters of England are enabled
to provide for themselves off their own hooks, and are not driven to
stoop to the clumsy and humiliating expedient of begging Parliament j
to procure them unwilling husbands by the imposition of a bachelor-
tax. &

FRENCH AND ENGLISH MARRIAGE-MARKET.

AN IRISH ANGEL.

Lovely woman appears to be a drug in the Parisian marriage-
market. Young lions have been for some time shy of taking lionesses
to wife ; and according to the Salut Public—

“A petition addressed to the Senate is now being signed by the female operatives
m this city, in which the petitioners pray that all men who attain the age of forty
without marrying may be compeHed to pay a tax as unproductive members of
society.”

The female operatives of Paris can hardly be expected to have the
least idea of political economy; for, if they had any, they would be con-
siderably wiser, not only than the males of their class, but than the
vast majority of Frenchmen; French statesmen inclusive. It is, there-
fore, natural that they should request the legislature to encourage 1

At Dr. Cullen’s late Dublin meeting in aid of despotism in Central
Italy, Mr. Alderman Reynolds, who had been hissed and hooted
for uttering some expressions of loyalty to the Queen, said, in depre-
cation of the traitorous ire which he had provoked,—

“ They were all determined to go as far as they legitimately could to sustain the
authority of the Pope, and they would not allow a feather of his wing to be touched.”

What sort of bird is the Pope ?—was the question that arose on the
perusal of the foregoing declaration. It remained unsolved until the
appearance of the Holy Father’s allocution to General Goyon,
wherein his Holiness winds up a benedictiou by the undignified vitu-
peration of a pamphlet. As soon as that, came out everybody saw that
the Pope is a goose.