Punch: Punch (38.1860)

46

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 4, 1860.

old word-painters have left us, a doubt seems to arise if they were
painted green or blue.* We think, had we to arbitrate, we should
give judgment in the matter, in the sage manner adopted in the case of
the chameleon; there being colourable grounds for thinking both
colours were worn, and believing that at times green was as fashionable
as blue. We have little doubt the natives wore the bluest of blue looks
when Cjesar came and saw and conquered them; and when, after he
had peppered them, he found how strong they mustered, there is no
question he regarded them as being precious green.

Be this point as it may, there is plainly no disputing that our an-
cestors wore paint; and barbarians though they were (in this matter
especially), they set a fashion which their feminine posterity have fol-
lowed, however much their masculine descendants may have blushed
at it. To the inquiring mind, indeed, it seems as clear as mud, that an
Ancient Briton’s dressing-case consisted of a paint-pot: and doubtless
the sole care that he took about his toilette was, as a Celtic bard
informs us—

“ 2To lap gttc onrtc soc tfjgcke
Sffiatte gome mote sitrclgc stgckc.”

* Not to interrupt ourselves, it may be noted in a note, that these colours were
adopted by the poets and the priests. Of the latter, some, who doubtless rvere the
Puseyites of the period, “ wore vestments of bright green,” like their descendants
in St. George's, who certainly are “ green,” although they may not be thought
“bright;” while the bards, Cynddelw .informs us, were partial to “sky blue,”
that colour being viewed as “emblematical of peace:” so that the lacteal liquid
sold to Londoners may in truth as well as poetry be called, not cow’s, but dove’s
milk.

IRISH NATIONAL HUMOUR.

he truly well-informed Liberal
well knows that the penal
laws which our bigoted fore-
fat, hers enacted against the
Horn an Catholics, were
wholly uncalled for and
unjustifiable ; particularly
with regard to the Roman
Catholics of Ireland. The
Nation newspaper places
the needlessness and in-
justice of those laws in a
very amusing light by cer-
tain statements which it
pretends to put forward in
reply to the Tablet; that
journal having ascribed to
the Irish people profound
attachment to Her Ma-
jesty’s throne, and to
British institutions. His-
torical facts are gravely
adduced by the Nation, to
show that the Irish never
were, and never can be,
loyal; but every unpre-
judiced person will see, that
those citations are meant to
prove quite the contrary to the point which a Protestant ass would
think them intended to demonstrate. Por instance, after alluding to
the conduct, of “St. Lawrence O’Toole” Archbishop of Dublin, with
respect to Henry the Second, Mr. Mitchel’s playful organ puts
the following question :—

“ Tn later times did not certain Popes grant indulgences to all who fought against
the English Government in Ireland ? Is not the following an extract from a Bull
of Pope Gregory the Thirteenth, addressed to the Archbishops, Bishops, and
other Prelates, as also the Catholic Princes, Earls, Barons, Clergy, Nobles, and
People of Ireland—‘A few years ago, we admonished you through our letters when
you took up arms to defend your liberties and rights, under the leadership of James
Geraldine, of happy memory, that we would ever be ready to assist you against
those English heretics who have deserted the Holy Church of Rome. Praiseworthy
throughout all time must his exertions be in thus endeavouring to cast off the hard
yoke which the English have imposed on you.’ These, as we learn, are the words
of a Pope written in the year 1580, and called forth by the circumstances of the

time.Again we learn that the same holy Pope rendered material

assistance to the fitting out of a warlike expedition destined for the shores of
Ireland, not, as it would appear to us, with the object of enforcing submission to
British authority.”

Of course everybody who is at all acquainted with the history of the
period to which the above quotation refers, must know that Gregory
was joking. So is the Nation ; and none but dull men will understand
in any but a jocular sense either the foregoing or the further specimen
of grave banter :—

“ We also learn from Irish history that: another Pontiff sent his benediction to a
certain Prince Hugh O’Neill, who was by no means remarkable for meekness and
obedience to the English monarch of his day, and sent also liberal indulgences

to all who should fight—actually fight —under his standard, against the rule and
authority in Irolafld "f the said English monarch. That was done by his Holiness
Pope Clement the Eighth.”

It is useless to point out to the average Protestant, intelligence, that
the preceding passages are burlesques of the preposterous tales which
popular writers are accustomed t,o relate in order to inflame the stupid
public against what they vulgarly term Popery. Even the following
audacious fudge will be impalpable to the dense masses -.—

“ Again Pope Urban the Eighth sent money and blessings to Ireland, to people
who were engaged in proceedings which cannot well be called demonstrations of
attachment to the British Throne. Subsequently Pope Innocent the Tenth sent
his Nuncio Rinuccini to Ireland, with large powers and authority, with money and
arms, not for tho purpose of inculcating obedience to English law. The Nuncio
brought with him 2,000 muskets—for what purpose ? 2,000 pike-heads—in the name
of common sense for what purpose? 400 brace of pistols—what to do with them?
20,000 pounds of powder, with match, shot, &c.—to be used in what manner?”

The irony of the Nation is exquisite, but too subtle. No doubt the
penal laws are defensible only on the supposition that the Popes were
the enemies of England, and that the Irish, if not all the Homan
Catholics, were a faction of traitors, subservient to the Pope. But
just as footmen and housemaids read Swift’s Directions to Servants for
instruction, so will the swinish multitude take the Nation's extrava-
gant fictions about those hostile Popes and traitorous Papists for
realities of history. Entertaining that, ridiculous supposition, they
will only wonder why all the Boman Catholics in Ireland, if not in
England also, were not exterminated like vermin; just, as they think
that Das. Cullen and Dixon, whom they really believe to have
uttered the ravings ascribed to them, ought to be shut up, and that
the Editor of the Nation ought to be hanged. Our facetious Irish
contemporary should not cast those pearls of his before the British
Public. There are old women amongst us who not only believe that \
Popes and Papists have in times past burned Protestants alive, hut
that even now the Pope keeps in his clutches, and refuses to surrender,
a little Jew whom he stole from his parents. Many of these anile
simpletons are possessed, too, with an idea that “Popery” is some- I
thing more than a pure, mild, and reasonable religion, and regard it as
involving allegiance to an alien ride, opposed not only to the established
creed, but also to the established government. A journal which pre-
tends to superior intelligence, and appeals to genteel sympathies, must
ever, studiously and systematically, deride those ignorant snobs.

A WO PI) IN THE SWELL VOCABULARY.

A Young gentleman in an office at, Somerset House, was highly
delighted by reading in the letter of the Alexandrian correspondent of
the Morning Post, the statement, that the Suez canal, as contemplated
by its projectors, would have to be excavated “by the labour of the
fellahs of Egypt,” and that—

“ Indeed it would be difficult for a foreigner to form an adequate idea of the dis-
astrous and ruinous consequences to this country, if, as originally proposed, and
insisted on as indispensable for the success of the undertaking, by M. Lesseps, this
Pharaonic work had to be executed by the labour of the Egyptian fellahs.”

“By Jove!” he exclaimed, “that fellah in the Morning Post is a
deuced eleva fellah ! Knows how to spell fellah. Those other fellahs
deuced clever fellahs too—those phonetic fellahs—spell fellah same
way. Shall always spell it so myself in luchaw, Wish all the wawk
a have to do to-day had to be executed by the labaw of those Egyptian
fellahs.”

Mr. Justice Punch on Consolidation of the Law.

Mr. Sleigh announces another “Handy-book” of Law, called
Personal Wrongs and Legal Remedies. The Law seems gradually being
bottled off out of the old-fashioned treatise-cask into these little handy-
book-quarts and pints, first introduced by Lord St. Leonards. But
we will help Mr. Sleigh to a still further condensation of his
subject:—

“Personal wrongs”—bad enough.

“Legal remedies”—still worse.

The Cat on its Last Legs.

There is an old saying which says that “Care killed the Cat.” Now,
whether this can be proved true in the case of the decease of any
common cat of nine lives, there may be very possibly a reasonable
doubt. But with regard to the now dying cat-o’-nine-tails, there is
not the slightest question that the proverb has been verified. It can-
not be denied that, in our Army and in our Navy, a proper care for the
well-being of the men has killed the Cat.

a pleasantry for the pope.

A Distinguished foreign personage, being asked by an Englishman,
if he intended to take away the Pope’s possessions, replied wit h pleasant
naivete, “I cannot tell, mm ami; mats I may take vat-i-oan! ”