Punch: Punch (38.1860)

226

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[June 2, 1860.

HOW TO f SPIKE THE ENGLISH.”

VERELY faithful to
our promise (for pray
when has Punch been
known to disappoint
his readers ?) we
resume now our re-
view of the Guide of
the Orpheonhtes,* and
shall show that its
directions towards
the speaking of our
language are quite as
much to be relied on
as its guidance to our
streets. The best of
it is, too, that the
Guide is so composed
as to require the least
possible study and
attention, and to be
almost automatonic
in imparting the in-
struction wherewith
its pages teem. This
excelling feature re-
ceives the special
mention that it merits
in the Preface, which,
as we have said, is
peculiarly French in
both its modesty and
truth:—-

“ II est probable que
lea Orplieonistes, occupes
en ce moment, et jus-
qu’au jour du depart,
par lea etudes musicales
que va demander le Fes-
tival de Londres [i e.

their Three Concerts at the Crystal Palace], auront peu de temps a consacrer b celle de ce petit livre. Mais
s’ils ne peuvent pas dormer a la prononciation des mots et des phrases qu’il contient une attention et un
temps suffisants, il n’en sera pas moins pour eux d’une trbs grande utilite. Toutes les fois. en effet, qu'un
Orpheoniste, possesseur de cette brochure, aura une question a addresser il un Anglais, il n’aura qu’a la
chercher dans le Manuel de Conversation. Puis il l’indiquera du doigt a son interlocuteur dans la colonne
anglaise. La reponse lui sera faite naturellement, par le meme procede, a l’aide de la colonne fran?aise.”

This, it may be thought, is a rather bold assertionfor even granting it were possible to
cram into a Manual all the questions that a foreigner might ever want or wish to put, one does
not see quite clearly how the answers could be given, and be made both comprehensible and
strictly to the truth. Suppose the question to be given “ How are you off for Soap?” (a
query quite as serviceable as nine-tenths of the questions that most manuals contain,) how
could all the possible responses be supplied, and what a picture of bepuzzlement the querist
would present were he bidden in reply to “ Ask my shaving-dish !”

Before, however, we proceed to take the Manual in hand, we must notice some few of the
rules for speaking English, which are furnished “specialement” for the guidance of Orphe-
onistes. To begin at the beginning, by way of overture, the writer teaches them our alphabet,
and thus commences telling them how we pronounce our letters

“A. L'a, se prononce comms en fran?ais devant toutes les consonnes doubles. Exemple: All, abbey,
attendant; prononcez all, abbe, att . . . .”

The truth that we give “ a ” the French pronunciation “ ah ” when it precedes a double
consonant, is one that possibly our West End readers may admit, but ordinary Englishmen
will feel a little startled at it. The same distinction, too, may be predicted as to—

“ O. L’o a generalement le son de notre o. Cependant il a quelquefois celui de Va. Exemple: However;
prononcez ha."

“ Hah-ever ” is a word which we in vulgar Fleet Street seldom have the treat of hearing,
for the ultra Swells who use it, rarely trust their precious “ peg-tops ” to the East of Temple
Bar. The loungers in Hyde Park “hah-ever” are more fortunate, and in the season, the

Elebeian who ventures near “ Pahl Mahl” or “Wegent Stweet” may likewise be refreshed
y hearing some one say “hah-ever.”

Thus far into the vowels of our language having marched on without impediment, the
Orpheoniste is next guided by the Guide among our consonants, and, that he may learn to
pronounce them with propriety, the following are samples of the rules to be observed:—

“ Le b, le c, le p, et le t, places devant une l, ont une prononciation toute particulifere. Elle consiste &
ramener la langue le long du palais, corame si on etait dans l’intention d’avaler. Ainsi table se prononce
tabeulll. Uncle, apple, bottle; prononcez uncuelll, appeulll, botteulll, * * * Une des grandes difficulty que
l'etranger rencontre dans la langue anglaise est la prononciation du t place devant l’h. Cette prononciation
tient une sorte de milieu entre celles de Yf et du v. Pour la rtiussir entierement, il suffit de porter le bout de
la langue entre les dents, et de presser leg&rement avec les incisives supdrieures et inferieures. En pressant
trop fort, on arriverait A un son trop dur; en ne pressant pas'assez, le son sortirait sous la forme d’une e. II
faut t&cher d’arriver & produire une sorte de son 14gerement mouille, comme celui que produit les. * * * L'i
p’ac^e devant un k ne se prononce que fort rarement. Exemples: Talk, walk, prononcez laic, wak. (!) * *
Le double v ou w a une prononciation assez connue ; elle ressemble au hurleinent du loup : uou! uou! (! !)”

Thus directed how to give a proper accent to our alphabet, the Orpheoniste is next
guided through the mazes of our grammar, iu a way that for its novelty and boldness of

conception throws old Lindley Murray com-
pletely in the shade. Without wearying the
student by taking him a steady walk through
all our rules, and explaining in rotation their
various exceptions, the Guide hops and skips
about among our “parties du discours,” scatter-
ing at each jump its pearls of information, as
profusely as the fairy girl let fall her precious
words, which as they dropped from her were
turned to precious stones. Some faint notion
may be formed of the value of these jewels, if
we find space in our columns to exhibit this one
specimen:—

“ La troisifeme personne him s’emploie lorsqu’elle sc
rapporte A un substantif masculin. Exemple : Je regardo
cet homme, je le trouve grand. I look that man, I find
him tall. Him se rapporte 5, man, substantif masculin.”

Jumbled with these pearls of grammatical
instruction, are rules as to pronunciation which
are of equally great price. Here for instance
are three pronouns, which are declined and
spelt for Freneh pronunciation, thus

“ A'ie.
Thacu.

I, chi, et.
oui.

Iou.

Thd.

Maine.

Thaine.

Is, eurs, its.
Aoueurs.
Yeurs.
Thins.

Ou.

Gdnitif. Ouze.

Datif. Tou oum.
Accusatif. Oum.
Ablatif. Ov oum. (!) ”

This suppression of the aspirate in “ he ” and
“his” and “ who,” might fairly lead one to ima-
gine that the author of the Guide was in reality
a Cockney; a supposition which is further
strengthened by our finding that the word
“house” is directed to be spoken “aousse,”
while in answer to the question “Iz masteur
[English for Monsieur] B. et aume? ” there is
given the reply that “I [he] az djeust gonn
aout.” A smack of German flavour also is
imparted to our language by directing the word
“second” to be roughened into “segunnd;”
and surely no one but a Russian learning English
of Lord Malmesbury, could have written
“ tcheurtch ” for “ church,” and “ tchesheur
tchize ” for “Cheshire cheese.”

We cull these flowers of speech from a part of
the Guide written for pupils most advanced, and
called a “Petit manuel Anglais de conversation
usuelle.” This extremely useful chapter is
perhaps the most facetious portion of the work;
but as we must not give our readers too much of
a good thing, we shall reserve a fuller notice of
it for another occasion.

GENTLE VOLUNTEER.

A SONG TO BE SUNG TO THE INTENDING
COMPETITORS AT WIMBLEDON.

Air—“ Troubadour Enchanting."—Lurline.

Volunteer enchanting,

Into order falling,

With thy rifle slanting
O’er thy shoulder, dear,

Where the target waits for thee.
Forward, from the rear.

Shoot, and bring the prize to me,
Gentle Volunteer!

Volunteer enchanting,

When the bugle calling.

Bids thee (firmly planting
Feet not brought too near).

Take a sight, and careful be
That thine eye is clear—

Fire, and bring the prize to me,
Gentle Volunteer.

Spurs and Shoulder-Knots.

“What is an Equerry, Papa?” inquired a
little boy, on hearing that a functionary of that
name had been promoted to the Colonel of a
crack regiment. “ An Equerry, my dear,” replied
the parent, “is a horse-footman.”

* “ Vocabulaire et Guide des Orpheonistes Fran^ais A Londres. Far A. R. II. Paris, I860.”