Punch (39.1860)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 27, I860.

handsome ‘ tip,’ according to the length of your stay ; the housemaids are somehow
or other always employed close to the visitor's door on the morning of departure,
speculating upon a present that will procure them a new parasol, shawl, or bunday
bonnet; and occasionally M. Beauvilliers Briffaut, the Parisian cordon bleu ot
the kitchen, expects aud receives a handsome douceur for the exquisite manner in
which a supreme de volatile was dressed."

“There, Sir! I said he ain’t no Gentleman as could write such stuff
andnornsince and go a tryink to defraud us of our Legle arnings, which
its plane enuff i thinks as He don’t keep no mansuvvnt, and so when
lie gits inwited out into the country why in coorse he finds it some-
times rather Ard to git is clothes brushed. ’Taint to be suppoged as
a man can work for Nothink, and if gentlemen don’t choose or rayther
carnt aford—for that’s about the size of it—to keep a mansuvvnt
theirselves, Y in course they ort to fork out for avinck of their boots
blacked. Hif they don’t why they must wait, and sarve M right says
I, and my b’lief is this ere partyman is one o’ them air Hartishes who
go a travellinck about and a stopping at great Ouses which in coorse
they ain’t accustomed to, hand really its quite hawful to see the Mess
I they make with their paintpots and their pipes (they can’t aford a mild
hawannah sich as me and my friends smoke, and so you see they says
I they has a preference for Backy). I never heerd of Hartishes a
keepink of a walley, and a precious place he’d ave of it agoink out for
Beer at all ours of the nite and a standink as a Moddle for Hajacks or
Hakillers if he ad a decent figger, and then phansy what a eap of spicy
left off togs he’d get! I think I sees myself a wearink of a artish’s
old shootink-coat all over dabs and splashes like a but.cherer or
plasterer. What would Jane my sweetart as I’m a keepink company
with, say to see me in the cast off costume of a Hartish!

“But I’m forgetting of the pint. This is Ow the growling cove
proposes for to remedy the presink state of things, and ail as I can say
is that I wishes he may get it:—

“ Now, if the money thus lavishly and indiscriminately bestowed was given to
| the working bees and not the drones of the hive, the evil would be less glaring, and
might be excused. According to the present system the helpers, ‘odd men,’
kitchen maids, scullions, steward's room boy, old women, and young girls from the
village, brought in to assist the housemaids, receive little or nothing, while great
vails are heaped upon those who emulating the character of My Lord Dv.Le in High
Life Below Stairs, are, to adopt his words, ‘as lazy and luxuriant as their masters.’

If fees are to be sanctioned, and the working classes are to be paid for their extra
labour, the only equitable plan would be to have the money placed in a strong-box
to be opened and divided in just proportions at Christmas.”

“Really Mister Punch I’m amost ashamed to bring such stoopid
stuff as this afore your notice. But as its bin iu Print why it may
peraps do Arm to let it pass unconterrerdicted. To say as ow a
Phootman ain’t a workink man is so palpabble a crammer that it ain’t
worth while rephuting it. Our whiskers is ‘luxuriant ’ that every hi
can see, but to say as we are ‘lazy’ is a mannifest absuddity. _ And as
4 putting of our Puckwisits into a strong box, like the mishinairy Bank
as cook ave got upon er mantlingpiece, all as i can say is when that ere
dodge is tried there’ll be a Uniwarsal strike of all us Hupper suvnts.
I no as peple sometimes say as puckwisits is often considered part of
wages, and that Guvnors shouldn’t go demeanink of theirselves by
allowink of their wisit.ors to help to pay their suvents for ’em, which
they say were like them box-keepers who swarm at the theaytres and
that we sometimes even pays our masters for our place. This here
may he so or not, I ain’t agoink to Blab, but as for footmen conde-
scending to divide their fees and puckwisits with stable elps and erring
boys hand kitchingmaids and sich—as I remarked before, Hi wish
that E may get it! Heach man for hisselth—that Sir is hour Motter,
and though peraps we nose our Dooty to our Neighbour it doesn’t
alius foller that we goes and does it.

“I remain Sir your obeejnt umble Suvnt
“ (So long as I gets pade for it)

“John thomas oe Belgravy.”

“P.S. Has the Minnyst.ers wear livry and is the suvvnts of the
State, peraps the gurnals will arst them next if they ’ll give up their
Puckwisits! Phansy I ear Pam hindignantly hexclaimink, Ho yes!
ookey Walker ! Wouldn’t U just like it! And ow about the Bishops P
They’re the suvnts of the Chutch, d’ye think as how you’d find’em
willing if you arsk ’em to divide their fees and puckwisits and other
swag they pouches in a ekitable manner with their undersuvvnts ?—with
them as is the ‘outdoor helps’ the ‘ workers of the Ive,’ which Mr.
Punch I means it to allude to the Poor Curits, oom I do believe to be
particlar bad in want of M P ”

MOST AWFUL.

ruly, since the day when
Ireland’s hero, Mr.
Smith O’Brien, hid
himself among the other
crawling caterpillars in
the cabbage garden, we
have never had such
dreadful news from Ire-
land as is contained in
the following extract
from the Kilkenny Jour-
nal :—

“We have learned from
a London Correspondent
that the Government has
cautioned the Times against
the insertion of such articles
as that which appeared
lately in its columns against
the Irish Brigade ; not, of
course, that such is not the
true English feeling towards
Ireland, but that it is in-
judicious and impolitic at
the present crisis! This
seems confirmed by an
article in the Morning
Chronicle of Thursday, glos-
sing the matter over, and
wondering that the Irish
should feel annoyed at the
abusive article of the Times,
as their bravery on every

, battlefield places them be-

yond the reach of criticism or the charge of cowardice ! All very fine. Mr. Chronicle, but Ireland
i\iU never forget that ruffian attack, at a time when she was trembling with anxiety for the fate
o her brave volunteers. No ‘ soft sawder ’ will blot it out from the national memory, and, with
Heaven s help, there will be a day of reckoning.”


^^eTi>e ^j0n^0n Correspondents. They are the boys for making discoveries.
JJid Lord I almerston think that because he sneaked meanly out at the back-
door of Broadlands, and spoke to .Mr. Sidney Herbert in the kitchen garden
among the clothes that were hanging out to dry, and told him what to do, and
because Mr. Herbert put on a footman’s old livery, and went in a hack cab (no,
not a Hansom, British minions, but a close cab, No. 1167, driver Alphonso
Stumper, ha, slaves!), and stole into P. H. Square at one in the morning to give
tlie hint in question, the London Correspondent of a Kilkenny paper did not
detect every turn in the foul and snakelike career of the cowardlv Saxons ? Bah!

No, Ireland wdl never forget “ that ruffian attack.” Yes, ruffian attack. You
may atiect to laugh at it, Saxon dogs, and say that it was a good bit of fun, and a

not ill-natured way of letting down fellows who would have
deserved to be treated as rogues if they had not been such
everlasting fools; but that is only adding insult to insult.
“ A day of reckoning will come,” and Irishmen, who always
pay their debts, will be ready lor the dark hour of vengeance.
Tremble, caitiffs, for the spirit of the Kilkenny cats is not
laid, but bides its time. In the words of one of your own
execrable posts—

“ Those who fought and ran away
May live to run another day.”

And dire will be the “ other day ” when the heroes,
happily saved from the Sardinian fiends, shall receive the
mot d’ordre, “ Printing House Square, E.C.” Not all the
apothecaries’ stuff from the neighbouring Apothecaries
Hall will in that day avail to medicine the ioes of Ireland,
after her steel lozenges, ha! ha! shall have done their
work. In the burning words of our own bard

“ We’ll tread the land that hates us,

That demeans and understates us,

We ’ll uphold our maxims,

And pound the Saxons,

And we ’ll smash the Times that slates us.

Sword of Honour Extraordinary.

The British Papists are going to present Lamoriciere
with a sword. Perhaps they don’t know that the one which
he had to surrender was returned to him again. How-
ever, if the Pope’s defeated champion wants a sword, let
the friends of slavery present him with one by all means.
The sort of sword most suitable for presentation to the
hero of Ancona would be one with a flexible blade; such a
weapon as that which Harlequin flourishes in our Christmas
pantomimes, and with which he does, as Lamoriciere in
his last engagement did, wonders.

Cabmanism Amended.

(A Fact.)

Propriety of diction, as a point of general refinement,
is advancing amongst the drivers of our public vehicles.
A clergyman calling “ Cab ! ” had the gratification of
receiving from a Hansom director the equally respectful
and correct reply, “ Here I am, Sir! ”