Punch (39.1860)

July 21, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

21

THE VOLUNTEER’S SONG.

Air—“I am a Simple Muleteer."

I am a Rifle Volunteer,

And quite part icular to rules ;

Nor march, nor diill, howe’er severe,

My military ardour cools.

I arm but in my country’s cause,

To keep her from the Eagles’ claws ;

If they attempt a swoop to make,

Crack! crack! my course is clear;

They ’ll find they’ve made a slight mistake-
I am a Volunteer!

I am a Rifle Volunteer,

And they who are not so are—mules!

My nerve is firm, my sight is clear,

Eor exercise digestion schools.

My pluck is good; upon parade
To face the wet I’m ne’er afraid;

Aud should the foemen dare invade,

Crack! crack! my shot they’ll hear.

My country and my Queen to aid—

I am a Volunteer!

TRUE-NOTHING LIKE HAVING A 300D REASON.

Sir William. “ Siviggles! What induced you to put such wine as this before me ?”
Swiggles. “ Well, you see, Sir William as somebody must drink it,—and there
•ain't none of us in the Hall as can touch it" ///

The Shepherd of the Tuileries.

Ax the annual letting of the celebrated Rams so eupho-
niously named Babraham, it was stated that the Emperor
Napoleon had taken lots of these animals at 150 and 13C
guineas each. These are high prices; but Louis Napo-
leon will find Babraham Rams a great deal cheaper and
more profitable also than the Steam Rams which he has
purchased at so great a cost to destroy the navy of Austria
or some other great maritime nation.

Unrounded Report.—There is no truth in the rumour
that the Pote’s Brass Band competed in the Brass Band
Contest, which last week came off at the Crystal Palace.

1

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

July 9. Monday. “Answer a Normandy according to his Norman-
byism,” is a Solomonionism whereof Lord Brougham lost sight
to-night, for he took the trouble to make a wise and earnest reply to
some ridiculous cackle of the old N, directed against Garibaldi.
Brougham certainly expressed marvellous contempt, both for the
sources of Normanby’s information and the argument he set tottering
upon it; but some elegant little colloquialism like “Shut up” would
have been the more fitting response to twaddle.

Lord Palmerston had recently informed a deputation of Con-
servatives, who came to him on the Census Bill, that he should
■certainly adhere to the proposed inquiry as to a person’s Religious
Profession. Nobody was therefore surprised, in the present delightful
state of unanimity in the Cabinet, to hear to-night that two days later
Government would state their intentions on that, subject. It should
be mentioned that the . Dissenters, . being excessively averse to this
return, had been bringing all their influence to bear upon Members in
order to get the provision expunged. Mr. Cowper said that he had
no “ present intention” of making a road through Kensington Gardens
to join Tyburnia and Belgravia, as desired by the Swells, to whom,
they having horses and carriages, it is of no earthly consequence
whether they have to make a detour or not, whereas it is of great
consequence to pedestrians that one of the few beautiful walks they
have should not be cut, up by a noisy dusty road. Mr. Punch has a
present intention of inflicting a future whack upon Mr. Cowper’s
Nob, if he listens to the Nobs on this point. The other alteration, the
giving a better ride to hard-worked gentlemen who take their consti-
tutional gallop in Rotten Row, will be so agreeable to Mr. Punch
himself, that he approves it at once, and Mr. Cowper need not bother
himself about Mr. Edwin James’s reclamations on that subject.
The Attorney-General having magnanimously forgiven the House
far its foolish meddling with his Bankruptcy Bill, proposed to proceed
therewith, with alterations made necessary by the Anti-transfer-of-com-
pensation-from-the-suitors-to-the-consolidated-fund-Vote. But he pro-
tested against the way in which his Liberal friends snapped at and
impeded the Bill, and declared that unless confidence were reposed in
him, and he was credited with knowing something about the merits and
operation of a measure to which he had devoted his best energies, there
would be no chance of passing the Bill. After this very reasonable
and temperate remonstrance the Committee went to work, and got on

fairly, though Mr. Bouverie, “the Prig,” emitted petulance, and
caught a good slash from the ready whip of Palmerston, which did
Bouverie temporary good. Late in the night the Committee stopped
at about the eightieth clause, a heap of Bills were shoved ahead, and
Mr. Hennessy, taking a division on an Irish question, found himself
in a minority of one to seventeen. But we should do that modest
gentleman an injustice if we left it to be supposed that he considered
that a minority in wisdom, authority, influence, or any other Parlia-
mentary attribute.

Tuesday. In both Houses Ministers stated that orders had been sent
to our naval commanders to interfere for the prevention of further
atrocities in Syria. News arrived, during the week, that they had done
so promptly, at Beyrout. The hostilities of the savage inhabitants of
the country are not, mainly, based on religious hatred, but on enmities
of races, and are fomented bv the agents of other nations whose rulers
desire the embarrassment and dismemberment of Turkey.

Lord Raynham appealed to Sir G. C. Lewis to remit a whipping
to which some Hertfordshire criminal had been sentenced, but Sir
George, having inquired into the facts, said that the flagellation had
been particularly well deserved. Doctor Brady wanted a Committee
to inquire into an alleged grievance committed against a Doctor
Maclougiilin forty years ago, and was duly squashed by the Monster,
Mr. Sidney Herbert. There is a Bill before the House for making
the Gas Companies behave with some sort of fairness and honesty, at
which those Companies being naturally indignant, obtained the advo-
cacy of Mr. Staniland, who, as Viscount Williams novelly and
beautifully said, tried to throw a little less light upon the subject than
we had before. Mr. Staniland, in a long speech, did his work so
exceedingly well, that when the public perceives that such capital
mpnagement can make no more of the case, the Gas Tyrants will find
their pipes put out. Ail the tact in the world will never make people
believe that Companies ought to charge high for bad gas, and then
because they have a monopoly of the supply, ought to insult customers
who remonstrate. A good deal of uncharitableness Laving been
shown on the Roman Catholic Churches Bill, the Commons rose, after
sitting thirteen hours.

Wednesday. A day of victory to the Dissenters. The Home Secre-
tary, on the fourth clause of the Census Bill, made a speech in which
he showed that irf'all civilised states it was held desirable to know the
respective proportions of religious sects, that such returns were
i obtained in nearly every European country, in some of our colonies.