Punch (39.1860)

Ootobkr 20, I860,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

151

I

I

“ Sir,

“ You are always chaffing us poor servants. One week a six foot ladies’
flunkey with large calves and a foolish face is represented by you as giving warning,
because his master rides outside the omnibus; next week his fellow servant is
caricatured because he objects to carry up coals to the nursery. To judge from
what you say of us, one would think that there were no such things as good
servants or bad masters and mistresses. I know very well that this is only your

fun. I do not believe, Sir, that you really think so, and
I feel sure that if you can do anything to improve and
raise our condition, you will do it. And if you will allow
me, I will show you how it can be done.

“ Let the butlers, footmen, coachmen, and grooms of
England enjoy a little ‘ early closing ’ too. Let our masters
and mistresses do without us for a couple of evenings
every week; let us join theYolunteer movement, and let
us go to drill like other Britons. Look here, Sir. There
are fifty houses in Belgrave Square. On an average, in-
cluding stable servants, there are eight men servants to
each of those houses. Eour men from each house could
easily be spared once a week; and with them, two strong
companies of the first Belgravian Grenadiers might at
once be constituted. We are all young straight-grown
well-fed active good-looking fellows, even you admit that;
we are all accustomed to wear uniform, and to keep it
clean, and to be silent and obedient, and we are English-
men. What more is wanted to make good soldiers? There
are about three hundred houses in Lowndes Square, Eaton
Square, Eaton Place, and Chesham Place; from each of
them let us have three men, and you will have at once out
of but five squares and streets of London a regiment above
a thousand strong, which will, I feei certain, be second
to none. We shall be very glad to be relieved now and
then from our domestic duties, and to blunt the shafts of
your ridicule by letting you see we are not such lazy
good-for-nothing dogs as you represent us to be; and, if
the movement is supported as it ought to be, in the course
of three months seven or eight thousand additional Volun-
teers may be added to the defence of London. It will not
be too much to require, in return for this, that the maid-
servants should attend to our door-bells and fires, say, on
Wednesdays and Saturdays, after 2 o’clock, p.m.

“ I am, Sir,

“ Your humble Servant,

“ John Thomas.”

A Fine Opening for an Emperor.

Talking of the world being “ mine oyster,” we suspect
we can guess (to talk a l’Americaine) what is at present
“the world” to Louis Napoleon, and that is a box of
Sardines, and we should not at all wonder if before long
he doesn’t try to open those same Sardines with his sword.
Once get in the smallest point (and we all know Louis
Napoleon to be a fellow of infinite point), and the rest will
soon follow. Already has he got his arms fully prepared,
and you will probably find that he will commence the
attack from his Elba.

f


MOTHER POPE’S MA CINDERINGS.

Adsbobs and bodkins, botherations, treason, sacrilege, and plunder,
Thieves! Usurpation! Heretics ! Help! Robbery! What next, I
wonder ?

| My heart biles fit to bust with rage and fury, Wenerable Brothers,

I don’t know which on’em is wust; the ones is just as bad as t’others.

| To take and go and climb my pales, and jump into my sacred garding,

i Without, so much as By your leave, and not to say I ax your parding,

And there to plant Savoys, and root my carrots up, and dig my taturs,
Out upon that rampagious crew of fillibursters, rogues, and traitors.

To let loose all my ducks and geese, and fowls which eggs was formed
to lay me,

And all the while for to pertend to love and honour and obey me;

The hypocrites! And which I hates none more than them my shoe as
kisses,

And makes believe to guard my house, in which they won’t let me be
Missis.

They’ve cut my trible cap in half, my gownd of state they’ve tore to
fribbits;

The ribbles! Oh, that I may live to see ’em swinging all on gibbets.
Insolent, imperent, unjust, the nasty good for nothing wretches !

I call sitch rubbidge only fit to burn like filthy tares and vetches.

I Himpious, wicked, cruel, wile, profane, detestable, atrocious,
Abominable, execrable, hinfamous, foul, false, ferocious,

Owdacious, reprobate, depraved, base, brutal, barbarous, perfidious,
Wieious, disgusting, treacherous, perjured, monstrous, frightful, horrid,
hideous,

Assassins, robbers, traitors, felons, villains, miscreants, deceivers,
Apostates, blackguards, pirates, cut-throats, infidels, and unbelievers,
Caitiffs and scoundrels, vagabones, seamps, renegadoes and rascalions.
Get out, I say!—don’t talk to me about your union of Italians.

!

And then confound their politics, which I’ve no patience whilst 1
mention,

That there disastrous and pernicious principle Non-Interwentionl
I do deplore, I do abhor, denies it and protests agin if,

Particlar as applies to me; hang all that’s part and parcel in it!

Ah! they’ll repent on it one day when these here liberal opinions,

On them there Suvrings their own selves shall bring the loss of their
dominions.

Oh! then they ’ll beg and pray in wain their neighbours for to send
them bullets,

And bagganets, to ram their wills down their rebellious people’s
gullets.

Help! Haustria, Spain, and Portigee, all you as holds the true per-
suasion,

Agin them parricidal arms; that there degenerate brat’s inwasion,

I calls on hevery pious Prince and summonses each faithful nation,

Eor to defend my sacred rights from this here ojus wiolation.

Drat all them brigands, buccaneers, riff-raff, and rips and ragamuffins,
Rascals, tag-rag-and-bobtad, mob, scum, refuge, rabblement and
ruff’uns!

Wuss gang of criminals ne’er walked unhanged, or died with feet in
leather,

Drat them, drat all and everything, drat everybody altogether!