Punch (39.1860)

August 18, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

61

Country Bus Conductor (with extreme politeness). “ Yes, Miss—quite full, Miss—in fact, we've one more

than our number now, Miss."

THE ROYAL BLUE
AND YELLOW.

The Seventh of August,
1860, is a day which will
be everlastingly celebrated
in the annals of Scotland.
Latest posterity, as well as
the present generation, wilt
associate that memorable
anniversary with the Edin-
burgh Review, where the
Queen appeared as a Re-
viewer of the gallant Scotch
Volunteers. The contribu-
tors to this great Review,
composing the number
which came out on that oc-
casion, amounted to twenty-
one thousand; and their
entire force includes nine
thousand more. There can
be no doubt that such a
host of slashing blades
would effectually cut up
the audacious authors of
any foreign attack upon
British liberty.

Multum in Parvo.

A Book has just been
published under the title of
Astronomy in a Nutshell.
The whole system of Astro-
nomy in a Nutshell? A nut-
shell may contain a nucleus,
but can hardly be big enough
to enclose even the smallest
entire comet.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_ August 6. Monday. On the day when Paterfamilias is going to take
his family out of town, it may have been remarked by those who watch
domestic interiors, that there is pretty sure to be something disagree-
able before starting. P. F. himself, perhaps, loses his keys; and after
he has raged for half an hour, and accused everybody of taking them,
he remembers that he left them in the pocket of the pair of trousers
which is at the very bottom of the big corded trunk. Or Materfamilias
has collected and paid all the bills, as she thinks, when a dirty boy
comes with a peremptory message from an impertinent newsvendor,
demanding one pound eighteen and threepence on the instant; and
Paterfamilias is furious at having to take the money out of what he
had put into his purse for the journey. Or the children seize the
opportunity—their legitimate guardians being all engaged in the last
preparations—to ramp about the house like wild cats, make unusual
and preternatural noises, pull about things they ordinarily dare not
touch, and finally, just at the moment when P. F. is struggling frantic-
ally with a huge strap, and is irritable at not being quite sure that he
has read Bradshaw rightly, they become so outrageous that Louisa is
suddenly ordered into the back drawing-room, and threatened with no
end of Aunt and Church, Robert is savagely shoved into a chair and
forbidden to speak or move, and Arthur retreats to the stairs
howling from a sound box on the ear. Then Materfamilias turns irate
at these energetic police measures (though she has herself been
scolding the children incessantly for three hours), and making a short
answer to the next speech, receives a vindictive snub, and an order to
be kind enough to recollect who is the master of the house; and so,
when the time for starting arrives, the holiday begins in pouting and
sulks.

This is just the sort of thing that has been going on in the House of
Commons. We had nearly got to the end of the Session, and were
preparing for a jolly holiday, when discomfort and a row break out,
there is a fight, and everybody is now thoroughly discontented, and
everybody is blowing up everybody else. Nay, .Parliament is worse off
than the private family ; for P. F. with all his irritation, is a kind old
fellow, and will not disappoint the household by postponing the
journey, whereas Palmerston now declares that the Members shall
not go out of town for a month, perhaps not for six weeks. Heavily
are they being punished for the weeks consumed in gabble at the
beginning of the Session.

To-night the Lords did mere machine-work, but the Commons had

a desperate fray. Mr. Disraeli had ordered a whip on Mr. Glad-
stone’s resolution for lowering the duty on the import of foreign paper.
So Mr. Brand and his colleague exerted themselves to gather
together the Opposition men, and the danger appeared so great that
Lord Palmerston called a meeting of Liberals in Downing Street,
and preached to them upon the necessity of sustaining the Government.
As he was good enough to add, that he should regard the votes of his
supporters as evidence of confidence in the Government and its policy,
he was immediately assured in return, especially by the Members
returned by the Irisn pries#-, that the Government would be supported,
but that there was no confidence in them. However, Pam laughed,
and in the course of the meeting took the opportunity of further
pleasing the Irishry by mentioning that he had just heard that Gari-
baldians had landed in Naples, and that he was sure everybody wished
them success. How many Papist Members were driven away by this
declaration may be doubtful, but out of 76 Irish who voted that night,
57 voted against Lord Pam.

Well, the night came, and Mr. Gladstone made along and spirited
speech, and moved his resolution. His special point was, that we were
bound by the French Treaty to reduce the duty. Christopher
Puller, a Liberal ex-Chancery lawyer, opposed him, and pleaded for
the paper-makers, who expect to be hit hard, the manufacture duty
being kept on, and the import duty being reduced so as to let in
foreign paper. Mr. Childers believed, on the contrary, that the
paper-makers would be gainers by the opening up wider fields of
operation. Mr. Crossley, carpet-maker, crossly described Protection
as the robbing somebody else, and was glad that the makers were to
be unprotected. Mr. Maguire, journalist, opposed the resolution,
and advised the House to wait, and do no more to please France until
we had a stronger and more determined Government, who would do
something to benefit England. Sir Hugh Cairns, lawyer, then
delivered the crack speech against Government, but Mr. Bunch seldom
listens to these lawyers, and went into the smoking-room to chaff Mr.
Bright. Somebody came in and said that the Attorney-General
had walked into Cairns, told him he evinced far too much assurance,
and also knew nothing of the subject. When Mr. Punch went back
to his place, Mr. Norris, paper-maker, was oomplaining on behalf of
his craft, and Mr. Henley, grumbler, followed witli a big brief
grumble at Gladstone. Lord John Russell took a larger view of
the case, told the paper-makers that if they were like other English-
men they ought to be able to help themselves without protection, and
urged that on the grounds of treaty, wisdom, and policy, the resolution