Punch (39.1860)

60

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIYARL

[August ll, I860.

Things have coke to a pretty pass indeed, when a Drawing-room Table jumps up, and after Playing a Tune on its
Accordion, ofpers its hand to the Housemaid!-

(Now, without any of the gammon of putting lights out, and darkening the room, this really did happen in broad

DAYLIGHT—YOU NEEDN’T BELIEVE IT, OF COURSE, UNLESS YOU LIKE.)

A DUCK (O’ DIAMONDS) OF A BONNET !

Among other highly interesting feminine intelligence, a fashionable
contemporary, the other day, informed us that—

“ Bonnets are just now less pretentious in their decoration ; fewer flowers are
worn, and those somewhat negligently; there is above all, a diminution in the
amount of the gilt ornaments to which we have frequently alluded, and they seera
likely to give way to another mode just comiDg into fashion : wo mean imitations
of precious stones, which will afford a wider range for the display of taste, and have
a somewhat less appearance of tinsel. We may therefore expect shortly to have to
describe the imitations of some of the most celebrated diamonds, opals, rubies,
pearls, &c., which, if well executed, will throw much light around the heads of the
ladies ; but will, we are afraid, add materially to the weight and cost of their
chapeaux. We really think that Benedict & Co. ought to make a demonstration
against these continuous efforts to assault their purses, and try to convince their
better halves that imitated precious stones will only injure the naturally much
superior effect produced by themselves, who are the real jewels of the creation.”

“ Rich and rare were the gems she wore ” is a bit of an old song with
which our lady readers may probably be conversant, but which, if this
new fashion become popular, will hardly be found applicable to those
who may be followers of it. All are not gems that glitter ; and as we
hate shams, we certainly shall set our face against a fashion which
cannot be regarded as otherwise than sham-full. Our love for lovely
woman is very far too true for us to countenance a custom which puts
ought of false about her, and the light of Koh-i-Noors would find small
favour in our eyes if we fancied that those brilliants were of Brumma-
gem construction. Indeed even could we manage to view the gems as
genuine, they would not much enhance to us t he value of their wearers.
Holding as we do, that beauty unadorned is adorned the most, we really
should not more admire our wife in a new bonnet, which entitled her
in verity to be called a “duck o’diamonds.” Nor do we think that
she herself would feel the happier for wearing.it, for probably the
weight of it would soon give her a headache.

We trust the ladies then will show the wisdom of their sex by taking
the advice which is given them in Punch, and neither wearing bonnets :
trimmed with false jewels nor real ones. To carry half a stone or so of

precious stones upon one’s head cannot well be other than a precious nui-
sance; and as it may prove, perhaps, a sort of capital punishment, we hope
that the fair sex will not suffer themselves to suffer it. Jewels as they
are to us, let them rest quite satisfied that we prize them for their own
sake, aud not for their fine fashions, and that it is their precious selves
and not their precious stones we value. Were the dear creatures tc
wear a peck of Koh-i-Noors apiece, they could not be more dear, though
they might be more expensive to us; and in the business-sounding
name therefore of “ Benedict & Co.” (the Co. comprising fathers,
brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, and lovers of the sex) we protest
against our women wearing such rich things as may perhaps eventually

bring us to the poor-house.

THE SYSTEM OE KINDNESo.

The liberal Government of the future, in pursuance of the policy of
constitutional benevolence, will be open to receive tenders for the
following Articles of Comfort and Luxury :—

Venison for Workhouses.

Pommade for Prisons.

Smelling Salts for the Navy.

Eau-de-Cologne for Her Majesty’s Land Forces.
Crinoline for Female Refuges.

Sugar Candy for Charity Schools.

Caviare for the Million.

The Government does not pledge itself to accept the lowest tender.

A Fair Attempt.

Several jokes were made at the Dramatic Fancy Fair, and not the
worst of them was made by a small wag in our hearing, who noticing
how happy the young actresses all looked in their booths, said the
place reminded him of Boothia Felix.