DOI Heft:
October 27, 1860
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16866#0169
October 27, 1&60. J
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
COUSINS FOR KINGS AND QUEENS.
A Law which Nature contravenes,
A rule of Rank and State,
Forbids our Princes, Kings, and Queens,
With. British spouse to mate.
The safety of the Realm commands
Them Protestants to wed ;
And therefore is their choice of hands
Extremely limited.
Their Cousins are our Royal race
Confined, almost, to woo,
Who, by the nature of the case,
Are German Cousins too.
Now German Cousins far removed
All very well may be.
But Cousins German oft have proved
Too near the parent tree.
Near cousins o’er the German tide.
What need remains to seek,
Now steamers cross the Atlantic wide,
Almost within a week ?
Of Yankee Land the Beauty pales
All Continental Fair:
Alight not a bride be found for Wales,
A distant Cousin, there ?
CANDOUR.
“ Well, my little man, what do you want ? ”
“ Wot do I want l—Vy, Gxiv'ner, I thinks I wants Heverythink ! ”
Fine Art Gossip.
An interesting relic of antiquity has been
turned up at Rome by some workmen engaged
in making excavations for the purpose of laying
down gas-pipes in the Via Sacra. It is an almost
unique specimen of comic classical sculpture,
being a statuette of the celebrated historian
Cornelius Tacitus, evidently a caricature.
The figure represents Tacitus holding his
tongue. _
AUSTRIAN PAPER.
A Reuter’s Telegram declares it to have been
asserted that Russia, Austria, and Prussia will
issue circular notes to their diplomatic _ repre-
sentatives on the results of the interview at
Warsaw. We should like to know, who will cash
any circular or other note that may be issued
by Austria ?
PERQUISITES AND PLUSH.
“Mister Punch, Dear and Onerd Sib, “Suvints All, 2sday.
“ Seeink as how you’ve putty frekently inserted my poettic
corntributions, which I’m tolled as how the Laureat is a getting sadly
jellus and a lookink to his lorrels since your world-perwadink collums
has introduced to public nottice the hoffsprings of my Mews, I make so
bold, Sir, as to arst you for to let Me say a word or 2 in omry werbal
prose, about a matter as aint shooted for poettic treatment, but which
is as i may say of almost Wital cornsekens to me and feller suvnts.
Sir, its about a writer in one of the noosepapers wich I shant mention
more than to say I am surprised that so respecktabel a paper should
ave demeaned theirselves by iring of so wulgar a contributor, which
I’m sure he aint no gentleman as could write in this here Way, and try,
sir, to defraud pore suvnts of their puckwisits, which i calls it Meen
in any hedditur to print sich stuff as this
“ Wo own that on public grounds we are opposed to the system of giving gra-
tuities to servants ; and if we even entertained the question, we should protest
against the unequal anddnequitable manner in which they are administered. Take
for instance amoDg outdoor servants the stud groom, head gamekeeper-and-park-
keeper, and huntsman. If a friend gives you a mount, the ‘ master of the horse ’
of the stable expects a sovereign for one with the foxhounds, and half for one with
the harriers, and yet his only trouble is to give the order and alter the stirrups a
hole or two, while the helper who has all the hard work to do receives not a
farthing ; it is nearly the same with the head keeper who employs an underling to
clean your guns, and thinks you a very shabby fellow if you do not offer him
‘ golden opinions ’ to prove the contrary ; the park-keeper too, if ordered to forward
half a buck, not only helps himself to a portion of it as his usual perquisite, but
anticipates a guinea for the trouble of killing the deer.”
“Hits all very fine for im to talk in this ere way about his intimate
acquaintance with parkkeepers and untsmen, and masters of the Osses
who offer im a mount, leastways who condescend to let him ave one
when their masters do, but My beleif is, Mr. Punch, as the party is a
cockney, hand if the reel truth was known he’ve never been outside a
Orse in all his life, excep peraps at Amstid, when I dessay twoz a
Donkey as then he ired for a oss, and diddent know the diphrence!
Hand as for stay ink at Grand ouses and avink i a buck or so guv im
for a presink, it’s all my I and betty Marting, and i dont beleive as any
I wooid sell him 4 a buck, much less give it im free graters. Leest-
ways, if so be they did (and its igstrawny. Sir, what Phools there are
livink in the world!) i ’ll be bpund He never guv away his Ginnies and
his ‘ golding opinions,’ cos Y, its precious doubtful if E’s got any to
gRe !
“Has Shaiksper says—‘thus Bad begins but Wuss remains be-
hind ! ’ Twouldent so much siggafy if he’d ony a complained About
them outdoor suvnts which I must say as i thinks them keepers beave
raskilly in selling of their Powder at a fipurmote a pund, and ^charging
arf a guinea for a aporth or so of caps, which I’m told as it’s the only
way to get a place in the Warm corners,_ hand if you brings your
Hamminition the chances is your guns miss Phire, and so you C
the keeper he makes a deel of money by it. But this ere writer
he nex falls to a pitchink into Hus pore footmin, which I m sure
as we is most deservink Hobjects, and scarcely ever gets a apenny to
bless ourselves, and as for working Ard—but jist you ear, Sir, what
he says:—
“Nor are in-door servants less extravagant in tbeir expectations, nor are the
gratuities better dispensed. First and foremost the butler (whose wage amounts
to more than the stipend of a hard-working Curate, or the pay of a subaltern in the
Army, who risks his life in the pestilential climate of the West Indies, Africa, or
China) is generally in active attendance on the departure of a guest, inwardly ex-
claiming with the doctor in the farce, 4 There’s no hand so dear to me as the one
that holds the fee ! ’ The groom of the chambers following the example of the chef,
is equally on the alert for his 4 buckshee; * the footman, who, if you have a servant
with you, only shows you to your room, or, if you ave without one, leaves the
brushing and blacking of your clothes and boots to the 4 odd man,’ reckons ou a
VOL. 39.
6
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
COUSINS FOR KINGS AND QUEENS.
A Law which Nature contravenes,
A rule of Rank and State,
Forbids our Princes, Kings, and Queens,
With. British spouse to mate.
The safety of the Realm commands
Them Protestants to wed ;
And therefore is their choice of hands
Extremely limited.
Their Cousins are our Royal race
Confined, almost, to woo,
Who, by the nature of the case,
Are German Cousins too.
Now German Cousins far removed
All very well may be.
But Cousins German oft have proved
Too near the parent tree.
Near cousins o’er the German tide.
What need remains to seek,
Now steamers cross the Atlantic wide,
Almost within a week ?
Of Yankee Land the Beauty pales
All Continental Fair:
Alight not a bride be found for Wales,
A distant Cousin, there ?
CANDOUR.
“ Well, my little man, what do you want ? ”
“ Wot do I want l—Vy, Gxiv'ner, I thinks I wants Heverythink ! ”
Fine Art Gossip.
An interesting relic of antiquity has been
turned up at Rome by some workmen engaged
in making excavations for the purpose of laying
down gas-pipes in the Via Sacra. It is an almost
unique specimen of comic classical sculpture,
being a statuette of the celebrated historian
Cornelius Tacitus, evidently a caricature.
The figure represents Tacitus holding his
tongue. _
AUSTRIAN PAPER.
A Reuter’s Telegram declares it to have been
asserted that Russia, Austria, and Prussia will
issue circular notes to their diplomatic _ repre-
sentatives on the results of the interview at
Warsaw. We should like to know, who will cash
any circular or other note that may be issued
by Austria ?
PERQUISITES AND PLUSH.
“Mister Punch, Dear and Onerd Sib, “Suvints All, 2sday.
“ Seeink as how you’ve putty frekently inserted my poettic
corntributions, which I’m tolled as how the Laureat is a getting sadly
jellus and a lookink to his lorrels since your world-perwadink collums
has introduced to public nottice the hoffsprings of my Mews, I make so
bold, Sir, as to arst you for to let Me say a word or 2 in omry werbal
prose, about a matter as aint shooted for poettic treatment, but which
is as i may say of almost Wital cornsekens to me and feller suvnts.
Sir, its about a writer in one of the noosepapers wich I shant mention
more than to say I am surprised that so respecktabel a paper should
ave demeaned theirselves by iring of so wulgar a contributor, which
I’m sure he aint no gentleman as could write in this here Way, and try,
sir, to defraud pore suvnts of their puckwisits, which i calls it Meen
in any hedditur to print sich stuff as this
“ Wo own that on public grounds we are opposed to the system of giving gra-
tuities to servants ; and if we even entertained the question, we should protest
against the unequal anddnequitable manner in which they are administered. Take
for instance amoDg outdoor servants the stud groom, head gamekeeper-and-park-
keeper, and huntsman. If a friend gives you a mount, the ‘ master of the horse ’
of the stable expects a sovereign for one with the foxhounds, and half for one with
the harriers, and yet his only trouble is to give the order and alter the stirrups a
hole or two, while the helper who has all the hard work to do receives not a
farthing ; it is nearly the same with the head keeper who employs an underling to
clean your guns, and thinks you a very shabby fellow if you do not offer him
‘ golden opinions ’ to prove the contrary ; the park-keeper too, if ordered to forward
half a buck, not only helps himself to a portion of it as his usual perquisite, but
anticipates a guinea for the trouble of killing the deer.”
“Hits all very fine for im to talk in this ere way about his intimate
acquaintance with parkkeepers and untsmen, and masters of the Osses
who offer im a mount, leastways who condescend to let him ave one
when their masters do, but My beleif is, Mr. Punch, as the party is a
cockney, hand if the reel truth was known he’ve never been outside a
Orse in all his life, excep peraps at Amstid, when I dessay twoz a
Donkey as then he ired for a oss, and diddent know the diphrence!
Hand as for stay ink at Grand ouses and avink i a buck or so guv im
for a presink, it’s all my I and betty Marting, and i dont beleive as any
I wooid sell him 4 a buck, much less give it im free graters. Leest-
ways, if so be they did (and its igstrawny. Sir, what Phools there are
livink in the world!) i ’ll be bpund He never guv away his Ginnies and
his ‘ golding opinions,’ cos Y, its precious doubtful if E’s got any to
gRe !
“Has Shaiksper says—‘thus Bad begins but Wuss remains be-
hind ! ’ Twouldent so much siggafy if he’d ony a complained About
them outdoor suvnts which I must say as i thinks them keepers beave
raskilly in selling of their Powder at a fipurmote a pund, and ^charging
arf a guinea for a aporth or so of caps, which I’m told as it’s the only
way to get a place in the Warm corners,_ hand if you brings your
Hamminition the chances is your guns miss Phire, and so you C
the keeper he makes a deel of money by it. But this ere writer
he nex falls to a pitchink into Hus pore footmin, which I m sure
as we is most deservink Hobjects, and scarcely ever gets a apenny to
bless ourselves, and as for working Ard—but jist you ear, Sir, what
he says:—
“Nor are in-door servants less extravagant in tbeir expectations, nor are the
gratuities better dispensed. First and foremost the butler (whose wage amounts
to more than the stipend of a hard-working Curate, or the pay of a subaltern in the
Army, who risks his life in the pestilential climate of the West Indies, Africa, or
China) is generally in active attendance on the departure of a guest, inwardly ex-
claiming with the doctor in the farce, 4 There’s no hand so dear to me as the one
that holds the fee ! ’ The groom of the chambers following the example of the chef,
is equally on the alert for his 4 buckshee; * the footman, who, if you have a servant
with you, only shows you to your room, or, if you ave without one, leaves the
brushing and blacking of your clothes and boots to the 4 odd man,’ reckons ou a
VOL. 39.
6