Punch (39.1860)

DECEMBER _y, l^do.j

251

:

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

SOUTHERN CHIVALRY.

udacious John J. Pettus, the
Governor of slave-holding and
repudiating, Mississippi, in his
Message to the State Legis-
lature, makes the following
proposal, among other sugges-
tions for organising rebellion:
“ I recommend that a coat of
arms be adopted for the State of
Mississippi.”

There’s chivalry for you
The like of it, has been seen
since the Crusades, but not
since the extinction of the
British chivalrous Ministry
that opposed Tree Trade.
Freedom was the enemy with
whom the Derbyite chevaliers
contended. The foe of the
Mississippi chevaliers is also
Freedom. Our native knight-
hood struggled against com-
mercial liberty. Their brethren
of the American order are con-
tending against the liberty of
man. Such -sons of chivalry
ought, by all means, to have
a coat of arms; as the Com-
mandant of the Mississippi
branch or chapter of the order
rightly suggests. A slave-
owner rampant azure, on a
field argent, between a nigger
s&bie, fettered, at work, and an Abolitionist proper preaching on a
stump of the same. Crest.: a cowhide, gules. This blazonry would,
perhaps, meet the necessities of the case, and answer the requirements
; of Transatlantic heraldry. The motto of the Mississippi shield might
; be Fiat Injustitia, ruat Ccelum.

The conclusion of knight-errant Sir John J. Pettus’s address is a
fine specimen of the knightly faith and devotion characteristic of his
j peculiar order of knighthood:—

j “ Can we hesitate, when one bold resolve, bravely executed, makes powerless the
aggressor, and one united effort makes safe our homes ? May the God of our fathers
put it iuto the hearts of the people to make it.”

The Crusaders invoked St. Mary when they charged the Saracen or
■rushed to the slaughter of any other fellow-men. Bolder in blas-
pheming is the champion of slavery.

PUNCH AND PLAUTUS AT WESTMINSTER PLAY.

When Mr. Punch, a year ago, complained of having to pass
Christmas without going to Westminster Play, he felt sure that the
authorities would pay due heed to his complaint; and he begs now to
remind “Old Westminsters” in general that it is to him their thanks
are mainly due, for reviving an old custom which was threatened with
•disuse. “AH work and no Play” was about to be adopted as the
maxim of the School, when, happily, the just wrath of Mr. Punch was
aroused, and by a timely word of warning he saved many a future Jack
from becoming a dull boy through the fate that seemed impending.

| Mir. Punch, wiio is all modesty, would not have hinted at this fact, but
; that there are people who are painfully unconscious of it, and who,
when “ See, the Conquering Hero comes,” was played the other
evening upon Mr. Punch’s entrance (arm-in-arm with his good friend
j the Head-master of the School), were not aware that it was to the
former learned gentleman that the compliment was paid, for his bravery
i in conquering the giants Whim and Prejudice, who had succeeded, for
j a time, in prohibiting the Play.

Could old Plautus have obtained leave of absence from the Shades,

' -and brought his opera-glass to Westminster, for a look at his Tri-
nummus, lie would somewhat have been puzzled to recognise his
offspring, so much was it improved and so decent was its dress.
Justus Lipsius, the reader knows, called Plautus the Tenth Muse;
Tut it is not every one would echo Justus Lipsius, who might rather
be called Slipsius, for having made so great a slip. Were Plautus
to write now, his jokes would not be listened to in any decent society,
and their point would scarcely even be thought sharp enough to do for
a burlesque. The wit of the old playwright is a great deal more
remarkable for breadth than for its depth; aud, in spite of their good
scholarship, ir, would puzzle the young Westminsters to translate his
plays entire, if their mothers or their sisters asked them so to do. It
must, however, be remembered that, in the classic age, the world was

not yet blest with the presence of its Punch, and bad therefore not
yet learned the lesson he has taught,,—that it is possible to be most
exquisitely funny without offending either good morals or good taste.

“ ’Tis sixty years since” (to quote the title-page of Waverley) a play
of Plautus has been played before a British audience; and, clearly,
the revival must not pass unnoticed in the columns of so classical a
journal as is Punch. But space is here so precious, that an inch or
two is all which can be spared to tell the universe that, thanks to a
judicious use of the pruuing-knife, the Trinummus has been fitted for
the modern stage, and acted with such success, that Punch really half
expested to hear the cry of “ Author 1 ” raised at the conclusion, and
to see the ghost, of Plautus bowing his acknowledgment from a
private box. The old man eloquent, Charmides, the comic servant,
Stasimus, the good young man, Lysiteles, and the Charles Surface
Leshonicus, carried on their conversation with such extreme vivacity,
that one could hardly believe one’s ears were hearing a dead language ;
while many a “heavy father ” of the trans-Thamesian stage might have
fitly learned a lesson from the Messieurs Megaronides—a character so
ponderous that it, took two actors to sustain the part.

Nor can Punch pass the Epilogue without a word or two of praise.
Especially he owns, he was tickled with the passage describing the
position of Westminster School, and the privilege of its scholars to
attend the House of Commons during a debate :—

Tbamesis hie refiuit vitreis argenteus undis,

Et placido lintres lertque refertque simi:

Atque ubi vicinas pratexeDS Curia ripas
Vertici multipliei tollit ad astra caput,

Audit quanta fori facundia, quanta Benatus,

Disci t et eloquii fingere verba puer.”

Tue notion of its nearness to the “glassy waters ” of the “silver
Thames” being cited as a reason for not rusticating the School, struck
Mr. Punch as being most deliciously facetious ; and when he pictured
the young Westminsters learning eloquence by listening to such
speakers as the Wiscount, Mr. Punch broke out at once in such a
choking fit of laughter, that, all the ladies in the stalls had to pat him
ou the back, before he could succeed iu recovering his breath.

A DISTINCTION FOR LORD ROBERT MONTAGUE.

A Whip, we know, the Tory party needs,

Now Joliffe’s vigorous iiand has grown enervate,
“Lord Robert Montague,” say some, “succeeds,”

“ No,” says the Press, aud hints he don’t deserve it.

Now, in his Garibaldi-letter’s name,

Let not Lord Robert’s budding fame be nipped,

His Lordship to the lash has clearly claim—

If not to whip, yet surely to be whipped.

FOLK LORE.

The custom of putting the Yule Log on the tire at Christmas
originally arose from the inclemency ol the season, and the want of
coals. It is now practised chiefly m places where coals are dearer than
wood, for the purpose of saving them.

Mistletoe was suspended from the roof-tree, because it grows upon
other trees, and also because of a superstition connected with it. This
parasitical plant was supposed to protect children from the thrush,
which feeds on its berries. The reasou why mistletoe is now hung on
to the ceiling is too ridiculous to be mentioned.

Holly is stuck about the house ou account of the holydays.

A Capital Bad One.

If prizes were to be given for bad conundrums, we think the follow-
ing would infallibly and triumphantly win the biggest prize:—

Why is the Electric Telegraph no new invention ?

Because it is precisely the Same-afore (Semaphore).

The prize adjudged accordingly. It is a copy of Martin Luther
Parquhar Congreve Topper’s Proverbial Philosophy, bound in
extra calf.

Finished HIM Off.

Impromptu by Mr. Punch, on bis being asked to read Mr. Gilfin’s
speech :—

Charles Gilpin is a Minister
Of credit nor renown ;

And what he says on any point
is not worth writing down.

A Fee Simple.—The guinea given to a homoeopathic physician.