Punch: Punch (39.1860)

September 1, IttbO.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

!

NOTHING LIKE
LEATHER.

Lord Palmerston well
remarked, that it was
amusing to see the different
views which different Mem-
bers took of the subject of
fortifications, according to
their different lines of
thought. The plan of main-
taining an efficient fleet and
army, and, in addition, for-
tifying our chief dockyards
and arsenals with stone
walls and other defences
calculated to enable a few
men to hold them for seve-
ral weeks is, in Mr. Punch's
opinion, the best that could
be adopted—next to that of
applying to the defence of
the nation those lighter
works wdiich are on sale at
85, Fleet Street.

Good Plain Cook. “ Three Caitipillers in the Brockilow, Miss! !! Why,

one couldn't have been left alive ! ”

1 thought, after all this rain we've had,

An Impossible Com-
pound.

Some people affect to se-
parate the spiritual from
the temporal capacity of the
Sovereign Pontiff, the Holi-
ness from the Humbug. It
is, however, difficult to con-
ceive a personage who 'is
half Humbug and half Holi-
ness ; and by far the more
natural supposition is, that
the Holiness of Rome is
wholly Humbug.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

August 20. Monday. The Lords doing crank-work—grinding away
with almost profitless exertion at the nearly needless measures sent
them by the Commons. From this description of their labours must,
however, be excepted their Second Reading of the Bill for providing
Fortifications, which, with all due deference to Lord Palmerston’s
French “friend,” can neither be regarded as profitless nor needless.
On this point spake Lord Ellenbokough with his usual spirit, and
perhaps with something more than his usual common sense:—-

“ I vote for this measure most willingly, because I entertain that firm distrust of
the French Government which Lord John Russell frankly told the French Govern-
ment months ago all the world would entertain if that Government perseveied in
its scheme for annexing Savoy and Nice. . . . And because when a mau has

once so committed himself by his conduct as to give reason to suppose that he does
not act from pure motives, those who believe him afterwards—say what he may—
deserve any misfortune that may befall them."

If this should catch the eye of Our Foreign Correspondent it may
explain why his kind letter was not received so gushingly in England
as he hoped ; for nine Englishmen in ten are of Lord Ellknborough’s
opinion, and the tenth would be so, too, if he did but read his
Punch.

TheCommons met at half-past three, and before they got to business
had their usual go of gab. Among the hundred other interesting
topics which were talked of, Sir W. Gallwey complained of the con-
dition of Victoria Street, where, thanks to the exertions of a Commis-
sion, called facetiously the “Westminster Improvement” one, houses
are in ruins, and their inmates are in rags, and sites for building are so
filthy they are not fit to be seen. As a climax to the horrors of this
Carthage of a place, which deserves the word Delenda to mark it in
• tie map, Sir W. Gallwey said, that in a corner near the Abbey, the
Dean and Chanter had constructed a most hideous erection, which
“ outside looked like a nunnery, and was inside, he understood, a den
of attorneys” (!). If Sir W. really wishes to improve our public
thoroughfares (which are many of them so foul that no fair one can
walk thorough them), there are other hideous nuisances for him to try his
hand on : such, for instance, as the organ-fiends, the singing blacks, and
howling bellowers, who especially infest the “quiet” streets and
squares, where decent people who pay taxes have to live, and work,
and sleep—that is, if, having been born deaf, or being blest with nerves
of cast-iron, they can contrive to do so. Mr. Punch, lie need not say,
will be “the man for Gallwey,” should that gentleman want help to

bring all these street nuisances beneath the operation of the Nuisances
Removal Act.

The Syrian question being opened, Lord Palmerston protested, in
reply to Mr. Monsell, that he thought it wras of vital consequence to
Europe that one of the Two Sick Men should be kept still alive, and
capable of kicking; for there undoubtedly would be a jolly row among
his neighbours if he even were dismembered, or, worse still, became
defunct. Then an Irish row of the first magnitude arose, in
reference to the Irish Party Emblems Bill, which Mr. Hennessy
protested was the “koighth of insult;” while several other Members,
who by their language owned the sister-kiugdom as their mother,
declared they felt the Bill a degradition to their counthree, and,
bedad, they meant to foight it to the last dhrop of their breath.

Tuesday. Lords still at the crank. Commons in the morning got
through a little business and a lot of talk. In the evening another of
the Innocents was Massacred; but as the innocent was nothing more
than a small Bill for doing something for the natives of New Zealand,
(which, since you ask the question, Viscount is a long way off), of course
the House was moved but little by the sacrifice, the only motion being
that it should be made.

A discussion then took place upon the Bill for Naval Discipline,
which Lord Charles Paget explained was to supersede an Act passed
in the reign of Charles the Second, that had smee then been the
text-book of our naval law. It was thought that as this old Act had
now seen service for two centuries, there might be some few holes in it
which required repairing; but on being overhauled it was found, like
the guuboats, in such a rotten state, that the Government resolved
that it should be put out of commission, and that a new one should be
launched, spick and span, to take its place. The Bill (which in the
main was approved by almost all the great naval authorities, including
Mr. Ayrton and Mr. Wiscount Williams), will usefully facilitate the
holding of courts-martial, and will secure them an extension of their
power to give punishment, by allowing them more liberty to sentence
men to less of it. Traitors, and only traitors, will, without alternative,
if found guilty, suffer death ; but cowards and deserters, and all lesser
offenders, including thieves and drunkards, will be punished by im-
prisonment, by hogging, or dismissal, it being left to the court-
martial, in its judgment, to judge which. So when Jack, has his Gill
(and something more, perhaps) of spirits, and his grog by ill-luck
happens to get into his head, he will not of necessity be made a marked
man ton his back) for it. Eight.-and-forty lashes is the maximum of
ffoggiug which can henceforth be awarded, and no one for a first offence