Punch: Punch (46.1864)

PREFACE.

IV

[June 25, 1864.

Pompey Quashibungo (slightly plagiarising from Mb. Charles Reade), “ so you unliminate yourself out of dis here,
and come and be nointed with werry best Macassar, yup, yup.”

The temptation was one which few mortals could have withstood. King of America, with a domain of
2900 long miles by 1730, or 2,963,666 square ones, and with 30,191,876 (and a quarter, including Tom Thumb) of
subjects. A despot, too, with a despotism untempered even by epigrams, for the article is not manufactured in the
Mew World. Happily, for England, Punch is not Mortal.

He dashed away a tear, brighter than any of the 2783 diamonds in the diadem of his beloved Queen, cleared
his voice with an effort and a Cayenne lozenge, and, after a pause, uttered one word:

“ Shan’t ! ”

His voice and language were courteous, but it was felt that his purpose was adamant. The Honourable
Me. Greenback was going to spit, but remembered where he was ; the Honourable Mr. Cottonpod muttered the
shadow of the ghost of an oath ; the Honourable Mr. Quashibungo kicked out his foot at Toby, and was incontinently
bitten where the calf of his excellency’s leg should have been.

“ My duties are Here,” said Duke Punch. “But, Gentlemen, your King is There.”

He pointed to a tall, vigorous, gaunt person who had accompanied the Deputation, unaccredited, and who had
been silently listening to the proceedings.

The West strode forward, in the person of a powerful Backwoodsman, with the eye of an eagle and the muscle
of a gladiator ; but there was a dash of humour in the strong fellow’s face, too.

“ I ain’t much of a figure for a crownd and garter, Old Hoss, but I calculate as you’ve smashed the nut this
time. These chaps ain’t made no great count of me up to now ; but now’s my turn, and may be they ’ll knuckle
down, or I ’ll have to take off my coat.”

“ State your claims more graciously, my powerful friend,” said Duke Punch. “ I believe that in the fresh and
vigorous West will be found the Arbiter who should take America in hand, and the sooner he does it the better.
Gentlemen, a slight banquet awaits you in the next apartment. Let us go in and drink to the prosperity of your
Country, and to the dynasty of your King.”

“ But I’d like to be judgmatical, Old Hoss,” said the new Sovereign ; “ and if you’d any bit of a book with
;he trew principles of a King’s trade wrote out plain, you might loan it a fellow.”

“ It is yours,” said H.R.H., smiling, and presenting his

ijortii-Sirtl) Doluiiic.