Punch (58.1870)

May 7, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

185

THE SPANISH TOAST MYSTERY.

ertingly, or certainly (as some purists
affect to spell the word) nobody in
his senses believed that the new Earl
oe Derby—

" Behold him here! "

(as Warwick says in a play that is not
Shakspeare's) committed the indis-
cretion of rising at a Roman banquet,
and proposingthe health of the Prince
of the Asturias, coupling the toast
with a wish that his ro; al highness
might speedily succeed King Juan
Pkim as Sovereign of Spain. The
idea could have occurred only to some
idiotic clerk in one of the foreign tele-
graph offices, into which, enraged
editors and infuriate merchants think

IS TIGHT-LACING INJURIOUS?

A meeting of fine ladies was held the other evening at Phillis's
Rooms, in order to discuss this interesting question. In virtue of
possessing the most fashionable figure, her waist only measuring
fifteen inches and three-quarters, Miss Waspe by acclamation was
voted to the chair.

In opening the proceedings the Chairwoman remarked that, as her
breath was rather short, she would beg to be excused from making a
long speech. (Hear!) Fashion, they all knew, was omnipotent with
ladies, and, now that fashion had revived the custom of tight-lacing,
ladies were obliged to cultivate a fashionable figure. They might not,
all arrive at the perfection she had herself attained {Cries of" Question ! "
and " We '11 try, dear J"). The advantage of acquiring so slim a waist
as hers was only to be gained by hours^and hours of actual torture.
{Sensation.) Mais il faut souffrir pour etre belle ; and if they did not
mind a few fainting fits at first, followed by continual debility and
headache, many ladies might enjoy the pleasure of possessing a waist
not much exceeding the dimensions of her own. {Cheers.)
Miss Pinch said her experience entirely agreed with that of the

(with reason) that it is the Continental fair Chairwoman, though, unhappily, her suffering had not yet been

custom to insert persons of the class
more humanely taken care of in
England—say at Earlswood. The
Earl ok Derby, with whose praises
as Foreign Minister all the journals,
Liberal as well as Conservative, rang!
He make such a blunder! He shoot
An arrow o'er the Roman house and hurt his brother statesman in

rewarded by the rapture of obtaining quite so fashionable a figure.
Still, her waist barely exceeded eighteen inches and a half (shudders);
and she hoped, by perseverance and a good strong lady's-maid, to
reduce it before long to more genteel dimensions. (Applause.)

Miss Lovelace said she also had suffered much from headache since
she wore tight stays, and once or twice had fainted at the dinner-table.
Her doctor had told her she was ruining her health; but she didn't
mind her doctor while she obeyed her dressmaker. (Brava !)

Spain! The notion was dismissed with a contempt so profound that Miss Gasper would like to ask, what could doctors know about it ?
like Bottom's dream, it had no bottom. Lord Derby is a wise man, j ^ey wpar gtayS; did t[jey p qqw> t]ien^ could tiiey teii wiiat

wiser than most. He let his wisdom appear, the other day, in refusing ; iacjies suffered from ti°fit-lacing ?

to become the leader of the Conservative Lords. Why should he mix
himself up in fifty quarrels, over-valued at two-pence a-piece, and
perhaps half commit himself on important questions, when there is
every chauce that so exceedingly Liberal a Conservative may be asked
to return to the Foreign Office one of these fine days ? With that act
of prudence in all our minds, we burst out laughing (angrily) at the
notion of his suddenly proclaiming a Bourbon.

But then who gave the toast ? It appears to have been settled that
it must have been a Lord, and that, his Lordship's initial was that of
t he First Whig. So Lord Denbigh was selected. He had been in
Rome,—his initial is " D," and he is a very devoted Roman Catholic,
who would look unfavourably at the results of the Spanish Revolu-

things a Catholic," was Lord Denbigh's description of himself, and
is what he will probably append to his respected name when he signs
the Census paper next year. The thing was doubtful, but then as
free-thinkers are warned by an orthodox poet,

"What can. be doubted, may be true."

But, Lord Denbigh writes to say, that he never " set eyes" (he is
not writing about potatoes) on the Prince in question, and sertingly (or
certainly) never proposed such a toast, or anything like it. Then,
who did propose it ?

Mr. Punch is a deeper thinker than any one else in the world, and
he proposes,—not a health, but an inquiry,—" Was the toast given at
all •* *' In the next place he would ask, what it signifies to mankind
whether the toast were given or not ? Are Queen Isabella's friends
likely to drink her son—a good youth, we hear—to a throne ? That
process was tried in England, some years ago, when a Pretender's
admirers quaffed hugely ; but we never heard that they got anything
by it,—except the gout. However, at present, the Mystery of the
Toast must remain unsolved; and Mr. Punch merely adds "his con-
gratulations to the Lords Derby and Denbigh that they, for two,
have not done a stupid and offensive thing.

Mrs. M. Bon point observed that, although she tried her utmost,
she could not reduce her waist to less than nineteen inches. ("Poor
dear!") Even this, however, made her wretchedly uncomfortable;
and after eating a good dinner she was frequently obliged to have her
laces cut, to save nerself from fainting. Her doctor tried to frighten
her, by talking about fatty something of the heart which often had
proved fatal. But she would rather die a martyr than dress out of the
fashion. (Applause.)

Miss Wiieyface said she feared that by acquiring a small waist she
had injured her complexion. Her nose was getting red now, and her
cheeks were pale and pimply. Some one had told her this was owing to
impeded circulation. But she was consoled by having a fashionable figure.

tiqn, if it had any. "An Englishman, if you please, hut before all j ^ Tucker said the worst of wearing a tight, dress was that it

THE UNION WHEEL."

With exceptionally bad taste the manager of the Sheffield Theatre
has produced a drama called The Union Wheel, which deals with
" Broadheadism " (hiss 'em, it should have been) and other unpleasant
trade matters. The sentiments in favour of the ruffianism of the
"Union" were received with delight, by the gallery. We always
thought the jurisdiction of the Lord Chamberlain extended to the
provinces so far as the licensing of new plays was concerned. If so,
where was Mr. Donne on this occasion ? Perhaps the piece was pro-
duced without his knowledge. If so, we beg to refer him to a recent
number of the Sheffield Independent, in which this charming drama is
fully described.

. The Right Way of Taking it—To liquor up is the usual expres-
sion, but to liquor down would seem to be the more correct one.

sadly took away one's appetite. Since she had reduced her waist, she
could not eat one-half of what she used to do. (Sensation.) Now, this
was a great misery, for she was fond of eating. Still, she had rather
give up her custards than her corset. (Cheers.)

Miss Gosling thought it was not ladylike to eat much. Rude health
was a most unfeminine possession. A person to be fashionable should
be always rather delicate ; and nothing insured this so nicely as tight-
lacing.

Miss Lazie remarked that another of its benefits was, that it pre-
vented any muscular exertion. To lie upon a sofa and read novels all
day long, was her idea of almost perfect earthly happiness; and, as
tight-lacing unfitted her for any useful work, she had borne like a
martyr the torture it had caused her.

Miss Waddler said she could not walk well in her stays, they made
her feel so stiff and wooden. But her waist looked well on horseback,
though she never dared to venture at more than a foot-pace, for her
habit was so tight that she could hardly breathe when trotting.

Miss Prancer observed that, much as she loved dancing, she had
found it impossible to waltz in her new ball-dress. She felt so squeezed
and faint that the utmost she could do was to walk through the square
dances. (" Poor thing !'") Inconsequence she had lost a number of
nice partners, and that odious Miss Wiiirler, had sadly cut her out,
although her waist was nearly two feet in circumference. (Shudders.)

Mrs. Wiseman said her husband would not let her wear stays
(Sensation, and cries of "What a wretch.'"), and she would advise
young ladies to leave off lacing tightly if they wished to get good
partners. Men loved healthy wives far better than small waists
(" Gracious goodness ! "), and no one but a fool would link himself for
life with a woman in bad health, however she might pride herself on
having a fine figure. ("Question!") She would propose a resolu-
tion :—

" That this meeting, being satisfied, from most abounding evidence, that
tight-lacing is injurious to happiness and health, will do its very utmost to
discourage and discountenance so barbarous a fashion."

Here several ladies interposing, began all to speak at once, and
hence ensued a scene of violent excitement. Many of the lair com-
batants fainted from exhaustion; and it was not until a number of
corsets had been cut, that the sufferers were able to be taken to their
carriages.