Punch (58.1870)

232

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 11, 1870.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

word, not. Scottisu) should it be necessary. Just, now, Mr. Punch
believes the Ministerial idea is to let the matter rest; but when the
Session shall be nearly over, and Members shall be tired and careless,
somebody will say to somebody with a Happy Thought, " Now, Old
Cockalorum, we '11 bustle 'em somehow." Now, as Mr. Disraeli says
in one of his earlier novels, " Cocky is a very good Cocky, and ' Bustle'
is a very good horse," but he must not run on Kensington turf.

Wednesday. Second Reading, by 137 to 56. of a Bill for enabling a
clergyman of the Church of England to doff his pastoral robe, if he
finds it of the Nessus-shirt sort. That is, to let him by deed, enrolled
in Chancery, and delivered to Bishop, relinquish his spiritual vocation.
Also, if he think he should like to come back to the pulpit, he may do
so by revoking his deed. Rather a good debate. Mr. Henley, who
has, for a most courageous man, a wonderful gift, for seeing lions in every
path, thought that sporting parsons would go out of orders during the
hunting season, change black for pink, and afterwards return to the
Church. Many thiugs are possible, certainly, but a good many possible
things never happen. The Bill is for the relief of a worthier sort of
parson than he whom Mr. Henley sketched. Government would nor,
oppose the Second Reading, but added the usual reservation.

Mr. Peter Taylor then went at the Game Laws, which he pro-
posed to abolish. His arguments are well known, but some of his anec-
dotes seemed to be new, and were not accepted with favour. The
smart speech of the day was by Mr. Sturt, who made good sport at
Mr. Taylor's cost, but had more to say than smart things. He said
that if a landlord made his tenants his friends, killed the rabbits and a
good many of the hares, did not let his shooting for dirty sovereigns,
and built cottages, the labourers became Preservers. He had educated
4000 pheasauts the year before last; and for 23 years the average of
poaching cases on his estate was only one annually. Adjourned by
aA m j Tj ,■ motion on the part of the clock-hands.

24th. Tuesday Having retired from the House , Y the adulteration of Food Bill was withdrawn, but we are
Commons, in displeasure at the affront offered t oi to let that question drop. Why the artisans do not take
the Reporters, for whom he will ever fight, ! it ^ £ hard tQ H It affects ^m alm08t exclusively—the folks
unhl his waggish eyelids can no longer wag (able , wholJ'pay the extortionate prices demanded by " high-class tradesmen "
Editors will please insert line m Hamlet, amended), | t J e' ts are not {r tke Ut of ttie ds_ W[sdom

and haying casua ly mentioned that Macgregor not win the frQm the East_ ln the East *a extra-aluminous baker's ear

Derby (he did not) Mr. Punch necessarily omitted_ to mention what makes close acquaintance with his door-post-here we give him damages
had not happened at the time of his writing When the Exporters ( t the news aper that calls him thief. Punch infers that Wisdom
re-entered, they were loudly cheered from all parts of the House. ^0k a return-ticket!and has used it. On the following night, Lord
An affront handsomely acknowledged becomes a favour, says EusTACE Cecil brought up the question, and wanted Government to
Sheridan. Smoothing his brow, therefore and resuming that beaming uudertake to deal with the law of adulteration. He and other Mem-
smile never more exquisitely rendered than in last week s Cartoon bers adduced cases that almost make the imperturbable Mr. Punch in-
(whjch ahso predicted the appearance of Mr. Gladstone at the Derby, ! di t. Bat Mr. BfiUCE would oniy prorriise to "consider." Mr.

Punch jeers in ancient song, from sheer weary recklessness—

and the Premier was present), Mr. Punch proceeds to record that,

Mr. Thomas Hughes, boy-beloved Brown, brought in a Bill to
amend the laws relating to Horse Racing. He showed that the Jockey
Club had not the power—if it had the will—to deal with betting and.
premature racing. He wished to abolish the running of two-year-olds,
to withhold the Queen's Plates from anything under four years old,
and to bring persons under the wrath of the Betting Act who took
deposits for bets. The debate was not so amusing as it might have

" There was an old man, and he had an old cow,
And he had no victuals to give her;
So he took out his fiddle and played her a tune,
' Consider, my cow, consider.' "

He was not a practical old man. He might have played for hire, and
bought her food, or he might have pawned his fiddle. But he was as

been made. Lord Royston blushed (he said) that Parliament, should I practical as our law-makers.

discuss such trumpery matters, and thought that a horse was an! Thursday. The Commons "saw land." That is, they saw to the end
animal (even Mr. ^queers allowed this), and that a man having a! of the Irisb Laad Bill, and cheered considerably over the last ameud-
property in his animal, ought to do as he pleased with it. Nor did he meat> Mr Lowe said they were parting, no doubt with many pangs,
see harm in betting among the lo wer orders, not eyen in that of house- from the BlU bat t liat- it woald be hard work t0 get the House back
maids and kitchen-maids Mr. Guest thought lattersall s ought to , int,0 tbe blissfal state of tjle last two months. Here it is convenient to
be abolished, and that the newspapers ought not to publish the odds | add that oa the foiiowin„ Tuesday the Bill Passed, and was sent to the
Mr. Bernal Osborne thought the time of the House was wasted j Lords a[nid more cheering. This sort of " What a good boy am I"
over such a matter Abstractedly, there may be something in this; ! be natural but we ask with, tears in our eyes, is it dignihed ?
but considering that the House does not refuse to listen to a complaint | In 0Qe of the :oll Blackwood novels of old days, there is a story
that a hedge-breaking tramp has had a couple of days imprisonment, | of a BeQtiinei to whose demand "Who goes there P" the reply was
Imperial time might be spared to a subject which is interesting, as the iven « Naval officer drunk in a wueelbarrow." " Pass Naval officer
friends of the turf vaunt, to the Million. The Home Secretary dr(mk [n a wheelbarrow." Naval officers never get drunk and ride in
was tor leaving racing matters to the Jockey Club but said that wneelbarrows now, but they do what annoys their superiors a great
Government would do its best against betting. (The promise was deai more. They use an Englishman's liberty to " write to the papers"
partly redeemed, rather promptly, lor the list-men were driven from when a w has beeQ done This practice excites the utmost ire on
the Derby.) Mr. Hughes got leave by 132 to 44 to bring in his Bill. the fc of the authorities, who visit the offender with damaging dis-
Mr. Ayrton made another contribution to Art. He managed some- pieasare. The subject came up to-night. What would the authorities
thing which a less skilful practitioner could hardly have accomplished. | Uke p should an officer, wronged, imitate recent proceedings in Jersey,
Ministers have the most powerful majority that a Government has pos-1 aud ralse a Qlameur de Childers—hW down on his knees on the quarter-

sessed since the days of Pitt; and Mr. Ayrton to-night actually
contrived to have Mil. Gladstone's Administration defeated bv a
majority of 13. It was on that Kensington Road question—the giving
away (almost) some most valuable land, and removing fine trees. The
House refused to nominate a Committee on the Bill. Of course,
attempt will be made to get the Vote rescinded. Now, Mr. Punch, as
he has frequently remarked, is incarnate justice. He has rather dis-
tinctly expressed his opinion of Mr Ayrton as an Art-Minister aud
jEdile, and even conveyed that opinion pictorially last week. But in
this matter of the Road, Mr. Ayrton is not altogether to be con-
demned. He inherited the scheme, he did not invent it. And there is
an Invisible Screw—patent enough to the far-glancing eyes of Mr.
Punch. No more at present, but a great deal more presently (English

deck aud cry, " Childers, Childers, to my aid, my prince; somebody's
a injuring of me." Surely this would not be compatible with the
dignity of an officer and a gentleman, and it would fail to impress the
midship mites with that awe and reverence they ought to feel for
their nautical superiors.

Friday. Lord Granville spoke of the wanton, senseless, and inde-
fensible Feniau Raid into Canada, and said that our troops are not
to be recalled at present. The gallant Canadians seem quite able and
willing to take care of themselves, and the only thing to be wished is
that the Fenian scoundrels had marched a little farther into the bowels
of the land, so that a good many more might have been shot and
hanged. But they have been very briefly kicked over the frontier, and