Punch (58.1870)

258

PUNCfl, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[Jone 25. 1*70.

N OTA BENE.

Little Girl {at South Kensington). " Oh, do Look, Miss Skimble ! There's
a Funny Thijvg ! ! "

Governess. " My Deak, how oeten have I Told you not to Use that
"Word here. Government object to it. You should Sat 'Curious' or
'Remarkable.' Recollect that ! ! "

HYDE PARK IN ECLIPSE.

What ails Hyde Park ? 'Tis not as 'twas of yore,
The concourse is less dense, the show less gay;

A change, O Ring, thy splendour has come o'er :
And Rotten Row shows symptoms of decay.

Do Rank and Fashion, like to Capital
Timid, and touchy as the plant which feels,

Shrink from a spot, the now habitual
Resort of threatening mobs convoked by Hi!ales ?

Or can it, as Hope -whispers it may be,
But for awhile their sun disdains to shine,

Where Chaos reigns, in seedy majesty,
O'er the bare bed of the dry Serpentine ?

Would it not be a graceful bit of fun

If, during the work's progress, for a lark,

The happier classes, till the job be done,

With their calm smiles would bless Victoria Park ?

TO LOTH AIR.

The Irish, though "a melancholy and contiguous race"
(quotation from Mb,. Disraeli, there or thereabouts), use
most poetical expressions. They wish you "the top of the
morning."

Evidently Mr. Disraeli forgot to introduce this salu-
tation into his novelette Ixion. As thus :—

" Aurora was in high spirits, amusing herself with a
whip.

" ' What are you doing, child ? " asked deorum pater,
grood-humouredly. He was always good-humoured when
in his dressing-gown and slippers; he had just soaked a
petit pain in chocolate.

" ' Spinning the top of the morning,' answered the god-
dess, archly. She had recently visited Ireland, and had
brought away with her the slightest brogue in the world

"' To the Styx wid the brogue' she retorted on the Son
of Ops remarking her accent—' Don't you see I wear
sandals ?'

"Jupiter .... but at this moment Juno entered, and
Mercury followed with the morning paper."

a proverb of no value
In June, 1870.
Make Hay while the Sun Shines." Can't.

ZOOLOGICAL PHILOSOPHY.

Learned Mr. Punch,

As a social philosopher 1 am much struck by this description
of a pair of foreign birds, lately added to the charming Gardens of the

Zoological Society :—

" The male has a strong, short, curved beak ; the female, a much lorjger
'bill. The naturalists tell us that the male breaks open the bark of the tree,
within which lies hid the grub on which they feed ; and the female pulls out
the worm and presents her mate with half the meal."

In watching featherless bipeds, I have noticed some with habits hardly
differing from those ascribed to these two birds. Little ducks have,
to my knowledge, been found with a much longer bill (for articles of
finery) than that which has been given to their gander of a husband;
and, though a little duck of the kind may daily share her grub with
him, it is first of all on the effort of the male that she depends for her
support. I would recommend your scientific readers to pursue the
analogy by paying an early visit to this interesting couple. I believe it
will be found to be considerably more interesting than many interesting
couples they may elsewhere meet. Yourg obedientlv>

The Rookery, Tuesday. Obadiah Crowsfoot.

To Well-Informed Piscatorials.

Query. What sort of fish is a Nod ?

Note. A Nod is a sea-fish, and is, probably, of the limpet tribe. This
we gather from our knowledge of the Periwinkle, known in polite
circles as the 'Wink. The value of the Nod has come down to us in
the form of an old proverb, " A. Nod is as good as a 'Wink," and this
no doubt originated the query to which we have satisfactorily replied.

ANOTHER HAPPY THOUGHT.

Scene—Mr. Punch's Library.
Present.—Mr. Punch. Author of " Sappy Thoughts."

Mr Punch. Ain't you going to do something important for the new
vol ume ?

A H T.\ are.

Mr. P. What?

A H T BOOMPJE.

Mr. P. Sounds well. Series?

A. H. T Oui, mein Herr.

Mr. P. Make it amusing, and send it in early.

A. H. T. If your grandmother requires a lesson in oval suction, it
is clear that she can have one.

Mr. P {sternly). Sir, you are Boompjeous. {Sweetly.) Take a cigar.

Probably Mediaeval.

Two Templars were starting for the Continent. " Gramercy," quoth
the elder to the younger, " thy trunk is open, the string hath broke."

" By my hilts !" cried the younger, in no sort discouraged, " 'tis
well that it has been registered."

" Beshrew me! " answered the elder, archly, " 'twould be better
an 'twere recorded.'" [And they went by the next train.

peers pecking at peers.

Earl Granville, the other day, had occasion to remark that the
Law Lords always had a tendency to pull each other's Bills to pieces.
Doves bill and coo ; but a different sort of billing is natural to birds of
prey.