Punch: Punch (83.1882)

September 16, 1882. J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

129

HIGH AND LOW LIFE.

THE SUEZ CANAILLE;

Or, a little more Contemporary History—according to Victor de Lcsseps.
******

And now arrived the supreme moment when the brigands were ab'out
to depart. We had heard the last fatal news. I had sent the
invaders this message—“ This is an act of butchers.”

But my august father was not wanting to the occasion. He had
round his neck a false collar of English make. He did not hesitate
for a moment. _ He tore it off, and danced on it. This was his
response to the insolence of the invader.

We were celebrating the birthday of one of our coal-porters as
usual with an appropriate fete. Europe was splendidly represented.

But at this moment there arose a succession of piercing shrieks
from the defenceless ones of our community. With perfect presence
of mind, I prepared to face this new manifestation. I retired hur-
riedly to my official bureau, and, locking the door, instituted through
the keyhole a searching inquiry. The truth was soon established.
Hoskins, under protection of his huge monsters on the Canal, had
again invaded our sanctity. This time he had come with a horse-
whip, two metres and a half in length,—“ un vrai Epsome,” as he
insolently boasted,—and with this abominable instrument he had
lashed the little defenceless innocents, who fled, from his path, terri-
fied by his long red whiskers and protruding foreteeth, with a
ferocity of elan uniquely British. The mothers protested. They
were instantly cut down in carnage, amid brutal jests, by his bleu-
jacquette myrmidons. But, with a magnificent and dignified calm,
my father again intervened. He met the barbaric act with a diplo-
macy that left no margin for further inquietudes.

“The admission,” he said, “to these gardens is fourpence, which
can be taken out in refreshments. You have no ticket. You have
violated international law.”

To this logic, clear and unanswerable, the brigand Hoskins made
an arrogant rejoinder. My father threatened the Company’s ulti-
matum, but the next instant Wolseley was advancing with his
victorious cut-throats on the other side. The personnel of the Canal
had to be preserved at any cost. With indescribable sang froid my
father, securing the hooks of the Company, took up his position in
the Safe.

In a few minutes the invaders were thronging the streets, blowing
up the gas-pipes with dynamite, and firing heavy pieces of ordnance
into the drawing-room windows in mere wanton sport, as they
marched along. All were loaded with loot of the costliest descrip-
tion. Even common soldiers had their boots stuffed with valuable
articles of jewellery. I saw one Captain on horseback so loaded
with household effects and furniture, that the legs of his poor beast,
bent at a painful angle with the weight, refused at last to move.
His rider was Fitz hoy, who annoyed me so much in the commence-
ment of the campaign.

A final incident, and I have done. Staggering on their way
towards the loading-stage, in an incessant stream, came endless
thousands of porters, carrying on their backs huge blocks, done up
in brown paper, and addressed to the “Lord Mayor.” I asked an
explanation. It was the entire Great Pyramid being taken away
“ to pave le Piccadilly.” M. Le Due Peek, who was to have a
commission on the enterprise, had taken advantage of his official
position as General-in-Chief of Field Correspondence, to send the
whole of it to England, by the new Parcels Post, free of charge.
Such are the outrages with which we are familiar. But we shall
endeavour, as heretofore, to meet them with a sublime calm.

Stanza by a Sergeant-Major.

In Egypt there ’s an old stream
A long time known to fame ;

But now beside the Coldstream,

The Nile must yield his name.

For of all the finest fellahs
There’s none for to compare
(Wiffi a right-fol-de-riddle-id'dle-lol)
To the British Grenadier !

“ I like to hear of men making themselves useful,” said Mrs.
Ramsbotham ; “ and I do think that the Savage Club at a fire is
worthy of the greatest praise.” (After considerable consultation
the excellent Lady’s friends have arrived at the conclusion that
Mrs. R. meant “the Salvage Corps.”)

Vol. 83.

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