Punch: Punch (83.1882)

ib6

THE NEW SHERIFFS.

(By Our Real Turtle.)

Mr Savory Sheriff! Sa-
vory ’tis meet

Should be for something in
the Lord Mayor’s suite.

We welcome you with cheers
which lift the rafter.

A Sheriff Savory ! thou ’It
be Moore hereafter !*

De Keyser some say, Sir,
“Pronounce it De Kay-

SER.”

That can’t be the way, Sir.
Perhaps those are wiser
Who call you De Kiser.
Now which shall it be, Sir,
Kay, Ki, or De Key, Sir ?
Choose one of the three, Sir,
And give us the key, Sir.

But, Sheriff de Kiser, De
Kayser, De Keesir,_

No matter, mon cher, if a
Sher-iff you be, Sir.

* Our Real Turtle Poet is
evidently quoting from Mac-
beth, and intimates that in
due course Sheriff Savory
will he Lord Moore—no, we
mean Lord Mayor.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 104.

[October 7, 1882.

Imprisonment of the
Rev. Mr. Green.—Why
remain there any longer ?
Why not follow the brave
Lovett’s example, who
escaped from Millbank last
week ? It only requires a
slight relaxation of the
ordinary care on the part
of the officials, a rope round
the body, an umbrella to
bore a hole with, chewed
bread to fill up the hole, a
couple of planks, a quiet
evening, and there he is.
If the worthy prisoner,
with his mens conscia recti,
doesn’t take the hint—well
—he must be Green !

RIGHT HON. OSBORNE MORGAN, M.P.

He undertook the Burials Act, a most successful Undertaking ! Now he’s
the Man for the Ladies. Vide his “ Married Women’s Prop. Act.”

PAUPERS AND POR-
POISES.

While London is trou-
bled as to what it shall do
with its paupers, Manches-
ter is troubled as to what
it shall do with its money.
Instead of building more
workhouses, London is
thinking over a “ clearing-
house ” system, under which
an overcrowded work-
house in one district can
relieve itself by sending
its surplus poor to a less
crowded workhouse in an-
other district. Instead of
building more Cotton Mills,
Manchester is thinking
over an engineering scheme
for bringing the sea to its
doors, and turning the
inky Irwell into a mag-
nificent river. Manchester
will find the money ; per-
haps London might help
to find the labour ? How
many able-bodied paupers
are now wasting their time
in London breaking stones
—a task that could be done
in one-tenth of the time by
machinery ?

Quid pro Quo. — The
Khedive presented Sir
Garnet with the highest
Egyptian Order in return
for the perfect Egyptian
order restored by Sir Gar-
net to the Khedive’s do-
minions. The decoration
given to Sir Garnet was
the Osmanieh, and, conse-
quently, the Orders pre-
sented to General Drury
Lowe and Colonel Ewart
will be those of the Heavy
Ossmanly.

Radical - Conservative
or Fourth Party Pro-
verb. — “ Nothing like
Lowther.”

THE VERY LATEST (DAILY) NEWS.

AN ANTI-SANITARY BALLAD.

(Vide somebody else's Special Correspondent at Cairo.)

The aromatic and spice-laden Eastern Zephyrs blowing now some-
| what boisterously through the jewelled ivory-lattice down His
I Highness’s back, with a sudden graceful and charming sneeze, he
slid with perfect ton right across the polished jasper floor to the
opposite side of the presence-chamber, where, drawing up with a
courteous jerk, he deposited his head in the coal-scuttle, and smiled
at us amiably. This little incident naturally gave rise to some quiet
subacid humour, on our part, as to the financial embarrassments of
His Highness’s impecunious father, a piece of banter to which,
with excellent breeding, he rejoined, by turning a double back-
somersault that took him again into the very middle of the rose-
colonred-satin feather-bed, on which he had previously been
longing.

We smiled, hastily, and the conversation then turned upon inferior
tinned oysters. The Khedive said, when they were bad, he did not
like them. We reminded him that, if steeped in a powerful disin-
fectant, and swallowed hurriedly, with plenty of cayenne and chili-
vinegar, and peppermint-drops.taken after them, they could some-
times be got down. He said this was true. We then asked him the
amount of his washing-bill. To this he made no rejoinder, but
laughed pleasantly for about three-quarters of an hour. Altogether,

! we spent a most delightful morning.

“ They would rather suffer martyrdom than give up its use.”—Dr. Car-
penter on the Modern Silk Eat.

0 wayward Fashion, be thou
kind,

Deal gently with thy child,
And, if thou art to change in-
clined,

Coy Goddess,—draw it mild!
With bitter scorn and satire pelt
The wretched clothes I’ve got,
But bid me not resign for felt
My cherished Chimney-Pot!

Array me in a velvet vest,!

Cheap lace around me tack ;
With ribbon deck my Sunday
best,

Sew buttons down my back.

Do what thou wilt with hem and
frill,—

And I will heed it not,

If, midst the wreck of taste, I still
May sport my Chimney-Pot!

Signs of “The Times.”—“ The Divining Rod’’has been lately
used in France by the Director of Fine Arts to discover hidden
treasure. For this “he has,” says the Times, “incurred no little
ridicule.” Yet, were Tommy or Harry to secrete treasure any-
where, Mr. Barlow would use the divining rod pretty freely, and
with the greatest possible success. Oddly enough, in the same paper,
there was a criticism on The Question of Cain, by Mrs. Cashel
Hoey. Either of those excellent preceptors, Dr. Birch, or Mr.
Barlow would decide “ the question of cane, ” by saying that they
had always found it answer.

Happy-Thought Proverb [at a Table d'hote without a Menu).—
Treat every Dish as though it were your last.

Sir Beauchamp Seymour objects to being rewarded with Baron
j honours.