Punch (88.1885)

Maboh 28, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

155

INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 5.

VALUABLE COLLECTION IN THE READING-ROOM, BRITISH MUSEUM.

known, national ditties—that though, through press of business,
I have never been able to visit my native land before, they
wouldn’t-

Teacher of Irish Deportment (with pleasant familiarity). “ Tread
on the tail” of your Lordship’s coat, and put more than five bullets
through you! Ha! ha! Never fear, my Lord,—I’ll make you as
fit as a bird; and, if you ’ll only put the right twirl with your
forefinger into your shillelagh, you shall give the “widdy” with
such effect that, with a proper get up, your own tenants shan’t know
you from the Great O’Rottrke himself !

Noble Irish Landowner (moved). Thank you, very much. I could
■wish for nothing better !

\_He flings off his coat, and rapidly attires himself in the full
paraphernalia of an Hibernian Comique. After they have
been rehearsing indefatigably for three hours and a half,
the Butler announces that the carriage is at the door, and
that there is just time to catch the Irish Mail. Tableau.

ACT III.—NATURALISATION.

The After-deck of the Irish Mail Packet. Noble Irish Landowner,
wearing a Green Silk Scarf, and a bunch of Shamrock in the
band of his hat, discovered pale and anxiously looking back at
the slowly-disappearing English Coast. Scattered here and
there in groups a crowd of distinguished but mournful and well-
bred Passengers conspicuously attired in the gala costume usually
associated with a visit to Donnybrook Fair.

Noble Irish Landowner (with a great effort mastering his emotion).
It will be difficult this new role of mine ! Still, in the presence of all
these native peasants I must, at any oost, dissemble, and endeavour

to show that all the national characteristics are strong in me. Ha!
the Captain. I might try at least a tentative phrase on him— (Refers
to a pocket edition of the “ Comic Harp of Tipperary ”)—I will—
(Approaches him with a shrill whoop, twirling and dropping his
umbrella)—Whist! whist, me pippin! And it’s the darlint ould
counthree ye ’ll be takin’ all thim boys to! Ah, shure, and it’s me
toes that are after tingling just to thread on the-■

Captain. Come, come, my Lord, it is isn’t bad—but I know you.
Your first voyage across ?

Noble Irish Landowner. Hush! Not before these! (Indicates
Passengers arrayed for Donnybrook Fair.) They look like—pro-
bably are—some of my tenants.

Captain. Tenants! Bless you! Why, you ’re all in the same
boat. Every one of you counterfeits. Obliged to cross and be on the
spot because the Prince is going! That’s what you are ! (With

bitter satire.) This is the fifth shipload of real downright genuine
Irishmen—ha! ha!—I’ve taken over in the last fortnight. All I
can say is, I hope you are prepared to have a tolerably fine time of it.

Noble Irish Landlord. Well, to be frank with you, I confess, for
my part, I am. It is true I have got up the national language and
traditions—fairly; but I have also not only taken the precaution of
wearing three complete suits of chain-armour under my ordinary
clothes, but have further secured the constant services of four able
and astute Detectives. See! (He whistles. Four experienced
Officials from Scotland Yard, carefully disguised as Life Guards-
men fully armed, instantly surround him.) With these, I think you
will allow I can safely pay a pleasant little flying visit not only to
my dear country, but even to what is still dearer to me—my pro-
perty. Ha! but here we are! (The vessel comes alongside, and is