Punch (88.1885)

168

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Apbil 4, 1885.

A VOLUNTEER COLUMN.

THEY CAN'T GET ALONG WITHOUT ME !

Formed by Dumb-Crambo Junior.

A Fatigue Party.

Army Signalling Department.

, Counter-marching.

Battery arriving at Head Quarters.

Post-Office Hides.

Detraining.

“ Cab, Sib ! ”—Mr. Punch begs to acknowledge the generous re-
sponses to his appeal for something over and above the reward which
was handed to the Cabman disabled in pluckily dispatching a Mad
Newfoundland Deg. The Donations will be duly forwarded to the
Magistrate at the Westminster Police Court.

The Song of the Sultan,

Aha'! After’all they’ve so long said about me—

The Infidel Dogs!—they ’re beginning to find
That, as dear Hobabt * told ’em, they can’t do without me,

’Tis I must he pulling the strings from behind.

Oho! It’s delightful. Their rage must be frightful,

Especially old Bag-and-baggage’s! Bah!

Though Weg may look spiteful, my claim is so rightful
They cannot dispense with their old Padishah!

No ! no 1 it’s no use don’t you see,

Their Policy’s fiddlededee!

However they struggle,

Or jockey and juggle,

They can’t get along without Me !

They’d like me to act as a sort of Bum-Bailifi!

Ha 1 ha! we shall see. Dogs! But one thing is plain,

They ’re certain to fail if they turn up the Caliph,

And that’s why they ’re all sneaking round me again.

Me both have their eye on, the Bear and the Lion,

Though one of ’em thrashed me, the other betrayed.

A nice little sort of a caper to try on
The Prince of the Faithful! But there, who’s afraid ?

It fills me with holiest glee
The Infidel’s wrigglings to see.

No safe course they ’ye hit on
For Russian or Briton.

They can’t get along without Me !

They scouted us, flouted us, couldn’t endure us.

But now, when they feel betwixt hammer and anyil,

They’d gladly secure us, and artful Musurus
Is closeted daily with Gladstone and Granville.

To checkmate the Cossack, and smash up the Mahpi,

My help would be handy. By Allah, it’s fun I
Sweet, sweet as the music of Haeiz or Saadi
The whine of each Infidel son of a gun.

They are left in a hole, don’t you see ?

To ignore me were fain to agree,

But all in a minute
They find I’m still in it.

They can’t get along without Me !

Egyptian finances have led them strange dances,

The sons of burnt fathers! no more oan they shirk
That question, so each of them furtively glanoes
To him the dogs called the Unspeakable Turk 1
Unspeakable ? Yah ! By the beard of the Prophet,

They ’ll have to eat dirt, or their words,—much the same!

My course ? Well, I wish I could send ’em to Tophet;

But, failing that joy, 1 shall play my own game.

At any rate, all men can see
I’ve scored off old W. G.,

Who finds—oh! it’s funny 1—

Spite ships, men and money,

He can’t get along without Me '

* See Hobart Pasha’s letter to the Times, February 3, 1885, in which
he declares that nothing can be done without “a friendly accord between
England and Turkey.”_ _

PROBABLE FUTURE OF THE WORKING-CLASSES.

[Not a Chapter from Mr. Mill's “ Political Economy.")

So the premium required from a candidate for the coveted post of
Dock Labourer has been raised to a fourth part of his daily wages !

I learn that the agents who arrived in the East-End with the object
of taking advantage of the depressed condition of labour by pur-
chasing a few thousand English families for the Central African
slave-market, were “ received with the greatest enthusiasm.”

What consolation it must inspire into the breasts of the workless,
to know that the remedy which chiefly commended itself to the im-
portant meeting held last week in Southwark, was—an Amalgamation
of the twenty-five different Emigration Agencies in London !

Possibly some of the out-of-workers in Southwark, “who were
presented with a packet of tobacco apiece as they left the room, at
which they seemed much pleased,” would have been even , more
grateful for tickets .for themselves and families to New South Wales,
and a promise of employment when they got there.

In the midst of all this poverty, it is at all events satisfactory to
know that the School-Board rate still stands at two-and-sixpence in
the pound, and that the number of girls who pass the First Standard
in Arabic Hieroglyphics, and are then transferred to the County
| Asylum, is steadily increasing.

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