Punch (88.1885)

June 20, 1885.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

299

PROPOSED NEW ROOM AT THE R.A. THE HERBERT COLLECTION.

CYCLOMANIA.

Chapter II.

Although I promised. Speoggeb last night that I would write at
onee for a “ Number One Shoreditch Zephyr,” I haven’t done so yet.

Haekaway, who evidently stands in some awe of Sphoggek as an
authority on “ wheeling,” on the other hand offers to “send me to
Coventry,” as he puts it, for one of their “ glorious Ne Plus Ultras.”
Or, he suggests, with a legal eye to a compromise, “if not that, why
not a 1 Coventry Corrugated Convertible,’ which is almost as good.”

“Why is it called a Convertible I ask.

“ Because you can tip it up so easily,” growls Speoggeb, a fanatic
in the cause of the “ Zephyr.”

“Well,” I remark, not wishing to cause a tricycling blood-feud
between Speoggeb and Haekaway, “ what do you say to a ‘Royal
Phlegethon ? ’ I see it’s advertised as * learnt in an hour by a mere
child. Impossible to fall off. A miracle of cheapness and dura-
bility. The Phlegethon never takes a ‘ header.’ ” (I am not partial to
headers, I confess). “ 1 The Phlegethon climbs a mountain easier than
another tricycle comes down it. Ridden the other day 450 miles in
six hours by a schoolboy of twelve.’ That seems wonderful,
doesn’t it P ”

My friends, however, don’t think much, of it, as far as I can see.
It’s flat sacrilege to suggest that any tricycle isn’t perfect, and of
course they don’t d > that, but somehow they don’t seem enthusiastic.

“Phlegethon? Oh, that’s the sort poor young Flukeb was
riding when he capsized coming down the hill into Kingston
the other day, isn’t it ? It wasn’t the fault of the machine so
much, I daresay; it was the road, you know. They’d been mending
it, the beggars! So he got pitched off, and had emphyteusis of the
ankle-bone—that’s all.”

Won’t ask any further questions about emphyteusis.

As the “ Royal Phlegethon ” is voted down—“ dismissed with
costs,” Habkaway remarks—the whole question of what trioycle is
best for me to buy is reopened. Why not call it “ the Battle of the
Bone-shakers P ” As this would probably mortally offend both
Haekaway and Speoggeb, I don’t mention it.

Finally, both Haekaway and I weakly acquiesce in Speoggeh’s
original suggestion of a “ Shoreditch Zephyr.” But when it arrives
—as it does with a celerity which, if I did not know Spboggek’s

spotless rectitude, I should consider suspicious — I find that the
number of additional neoessary articles is simply legion.

I ask Haekaway and Speoggeb to come in and have a look at my
new acquisition. As Haekaway observes, “ The jury then proceeded
to the stables to view the remains.” They both pronounce it a
beauty, “ to look at.”

“But you must have a lantern, you know, and a bell,” says
Haekaway, decisively.

“ And a costume, of course,” says Speoggeb.

“Yes,” Haekaway adds; “dark blue, with stripes, might suit
you. And a trumpet; that’s an essential thing.”

“ What’s the good of having a trumpet ?” I ask, doubtfully.

“ Oh, to tootle as you go through a village, of course,” they both
rejoin.

I shall have to practise tootling. Whenever I 've tried I ’ve made
my lips very sore, and the result in sound has been invariably feeble.
Why won’t shouting do instead of “ tootling ” ? The advantage of
this is that one hasn’t to learn shouting.

Here is what my determination to be a “ wheelman ” has cost me
hitherto

One “ Number One Shoreditch Zephyr,” reduced (by £ s. d.
Spboggeb’s direct interposition, it seems, from its
usual price—then what must its usual price be ?—) to 25 10 6

Patent Self-feeding (and Self-spilling) Oil-can . 0 5 6

“ Premier ” Wrench . 040

Patent Adjustible Gong . 076

Saddle (which is an extra) and nuts. 1 10 0

Additional Saddle (in case the first is smashed. Query—

Where should 1 be then ?) . 1 10 0

Travelling Yalise ... . 04 0

Duplicate Cog-band, Spoke-tighteners, Cleaning-cloths, &c. 12 6

One Costume (as supplied to the “West Kensington Dra-
gonflies ”—also specially reduced price, owing to
Spboggeb. I wish the whole bill was owing by
Speoggeb, instead of by me) . 45 6

Grand Total . 34 19 6

Might have bought a horse—at least I think so—with the money.
However, as Speoggeb justly observes, “ When you re not using a
horse he is eating his head off,”—(curious phenomenon),— whereas