Punch: Punch (39.1860)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 7, 1860.

THE UMBRELLA RIFLE.

Mr. Ponch begs to call the attention of Volunteers in general to
his newly-invented weapon, the Umbrella Rifle, which has been
introduced by him expressly to meet the requirements of the present
rainy season. With that modesty which ever is attendant on true
genius, Mr. Punch will frankly own that his invention was suggested
by a well-known apparatus, which combines those useful implements
the parasol and whip. By cleverly adapting this ingenious idea,
Mr. Punch has introduced an instrument for Riflemen which will prove
at once protective and destructive, and will shield them from a soaking
while it provides them with the means of opening a hot fire. The
umbrella being fixed near to the muzzle of the rifle, the ribs, when not
distended, will lie flat along the barrel, and will be covered in fine
weather with the usual oilskin case. No impediment will thus occur
in taking aim, nor will the handling of the rifle in the least be interfered
with. As soon, however, as a shower comes (as on marching or parade
days it is almost sure to do), the order can be given to “Uncover
Umbrellas,” and the men may stand at ease and defy the threatened
I ducking.

_ Mr. Punch need not dilate upon the benefits and comforts his inven-
i tion will confer on Volunteers who wisely use it; but as economy is
(said to be) the order of the day, he may just point out how vastly his
new instrument will help towards it. It has been calculated by a
most eminent military mathematician, that every time a Rifleman gets
soaked through to the skin (which happens on an average three times
out of four that lie ventures on parade) five shillingsworth of injury
is done to a new uniform, and as much as three and sixpence worth
of damage to an old one. Whenever he gets “washed, just washed
m a shower,” not less, than one and ninepence worth of gloss is wetted

* off him : while, since it is proverbial that

“ London rain
Leaves a stain,”

* as _ few as half-a-dozen drops of it will take out of him at least a
shillingsworth of shine.

When to this account is added the saving of expense in cabbing
home from wet parades, and of doctors’ bills for curing cramps and
coughs and colds, and the hundred other ills that humid flesh is heir
to, Mr. Punch feels proudly sure that his Umbrella Rifle will prove
to be the cheapest and most comfortable weapon that has been ever
introduced to the notice of the nation, and no Volunteer’s equipment
will be thought complete without it.

A drawing showing the invention as it appears in use will be shown
for a few days in the window of the Punch Office, when as well as
afterward, copies may be had, price threepence, at the counter, or four-
pence if impressed with the Governmental stamp.

N.B. Mackintoshed Percussion-Caps for the Wimbledon Meeting
should be immediately applied for. Also ask for Mr. Punch's Imper-
vious Short-Pipe Cover and Waterfrooe Cigars, which have been
expressly manufactured for bad weather, and are essential to damp
Riflemen when “marching easy” in the wet.

A PROFESSOR IN TEE “ HUE AND CRY.”

Under the head of “Extensive Robberies of Cash, Plate, and j
Je wels ” the Morning Post, the other day, enumerating a glut of crimes,
of which information had been received the day before by the Police,
states that the Authorities of Scotland Yard had been apprised—

“ That the Rev. W. S. Chalkley, a Wesleyan preacher, had gone off with^S, 000,
which he obtained by fraud and forgery as Secretary to the Lancashire Mutual
Loan Society. The discovery of Chalkley's delinquency has created much scandal
among the Reformed Wesleyans, of which body he was a member.”

There must be some mistake in this announcement. The idea of
any Wesleyan preacher bolting with money with which be bad been
entrusted, is absurd enough; but the conception of a preacher who is \
not merely a Wesleyan, but even a reformed one, committing such an
offence, is too ridiculous. It is incredible that an ordinary methodist
parson should be a rogue, and quite out of the question that extra-
sanctified methodism should be consistent with double-dyed rascality.
We cannot believe that Brother Chalkley walked bis chalks with
the funds of the brethren. At, least, let us hope that if there is any
truth in the report that Mr. Chalkley has “gone off with £5,000,”
the fact simply is, that the Rev. Gentleman, being a bachelor, and \
having been successful in the pulpit, has eloped with an heiress of that i
amount, who is now Mrs. Chalkley, and rejoices in the congratula-
tions of all the other reformed young methodist ladies who are
privileged to sit under her husband.

The Practical Housewife.—“ Sir,” said, speaking of bis wife,
the husband of a lady whose mind was exclusively devoted to domestic
affairs—“Sir, she would have made a dumpling of the apple which
revealed the law of gravitation to Newton.”

GENEROUS BEING.

“ A Sheet of Tissue Pafkp,
Fouk Miles Long.—A sheet of i
tissue paper has been exhibiting
at Colyton, Devonshire. Itraea,
sures in length four miles, beir.g '
21,COO feet long, and is in breadth
6 feet 3 inches. The weight ofit
is but 196 lbs. It was manufac-
tured in twelve hours.”

This is not a tissue of
lies, but is entirely true.
The paper was made by
order of Mr. Punch, and is
now cut into squares for
wrapping up the gold
watches,rings, studs, chains,
and other ornaments which
lie is always bestowing upon
his Young Men in acknow-
ledgment of brilliant lite-
rary or artistic efforts.
Such are bis generosity and
their genius that the paper
will not last him above six
months.

Rubrical Costume.

Me. Punch presents bis
compliments to the Rev.
Bryan King, and recom-
mends him to buy a quire [
of foolscap wherewith to
make caps for his choris-
ters, and also a suitable
covering for any other bead
which he may feel it to
fit.

Costermonger. “ Now then, you—vere are you a-driving to ? ”

’Bus Driver. 1 Why, can't you see ? To Paddington—I'm sure it's writ up big enuffl ”