Punch: Punch (39.1860)

July 21, I860.]

PUNCH, 01! THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

23

A REVIVER FOR THE RIVER.


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It is proverbially an ill wind
that blows no one any good,
and the same remark applies
to ill weather in general. The
wet time we have had has
sadly tried the temper of our
grumbling friends the far-
mers, and market gardeners
too have had their spirits
somewhat damped by it.
Umbrella makers must how-
ever have been benefited,
and the venders of goloshes,
waterproofs, and clogs must,
figuratively speaking, have
made a lot of hay while the
sun has not been shining.

But nowhere has the bad
weather been productive of
more good than in the river,
which last year was in such
an ill condition. Father
Thames looks all the better
for the absence of the sun,
and Mr. Punch begs to con-
gratulate him on his marked
improvement. His face is so
much cleaner for the washing
it has had? that his most
intimate acquaintances now really hardly know him. Nor is he any longer in bad odour with
the public, for the sharpest nose can now detect no reason to turn up at him. People do
not fear infection when they chance to catch a sniff-of the Bouquet de la Tamise, and even
at low water there is nothing high about him. Such a change for the better appears
almost incredible, and scarcely lives within the memory of the very oldest mudlark. _

It seems the fish too have discovered how the river is revived, and have revisited the

watering places whence they have long been
banished. Carpe diem being the maxim of the
carp, they have come as far as Chiswick and
found nothing to carp at; while dace are so
audacious as to swim close up to Chelsea. Ere
long one may expect to see boys perching upon
London Bridge to fish for perch, and to find
that the mud-frontage of the Temple Gardens
lias been laid down with ground bait for the
benefit of the benchers. In fact, it would not
much surprise one if M.P.s took to fly-fishing
during the debates, or bobbed for eels while
smoking their cigars upon the Terrace.

To prove indeed how wondrously the river is
improved, Mr. Punch last week went two days
following down to Greenwich, and felt all the
better for his evenings’ fishing. Speaking from
experience, Mr. Punch may recommend a trip
to Greenwich, as being the best fishing excursion
that he knows of; and civic Izaac Waltons,
who have a relish for his namesake, may be
advised to make it the scene of their aquatic fetes.

Superfluous.

The Emperor is said to be about to esta-
blish a National llifle Association. Considering
the case of Nice and Savoy,_ the Empire itself
seems something like a National llifle Associ-
ation already—composed of Louis Napoleon,
Cavour & Company.

The New Wine Measure.—The Licensed
Wittlers describe the measure as the Wine
Licentious Bill. They have good reason to
apprehend that it will prove extremely damaging
to their prophets.

TWO YOUNG MEN'S TALES.

Ever anxious to improve the public mind, Mr. Punch begs to set
before the world a couple of little stories, as told by the parties prin-
cipally interested. He finds them both in the same number of the
Morning Star, a fact which he mentions, inasmuch as the letter con-
taining the Pleasing Picture is the exclusive property of that journal,
and was called out by a foolish epistle from a maundering banker’s-
clerk, who having married on £120 a-year, and having children, cannot
enjoy himself very expensively, and therefore thinks that his employer
ought, to raise his salary. But in accordance with Mr. Punch's incon-
ceivable veneration for the aristocracy, the Painful Picture shall have
the pas.

In the Cambridge Insolvent Court, a few days ago,—

“Lord William Godolphin Osborne, son of the Duke of Leeds, applied for his
discharge. The total of his debts were stated at £1,066 6s, lid., of which he stated
£352 to be without consideration. The list of creditors included tailors, tobacco-
nists, a Jew for money lent and interest, a livery stable keeper, and a college tutor.
The insolvent, in examination, stated that he was twenty-five years of age, that
until he came of age his father, the Duke, allowed him only £12 a-year, but since
he had come of age, advanced it to £100 a-year. His chief debts were to the Jew,
contracted whilst be was at the Duke’s residence at Gogmagog, near Cambridge,
in 1855 and 1856. He bad married in August, 1859, and since then had contracted
i no debts. Had no marriage settlement with his wife, and his father refused to
I increase his allowance.”

Mr. Punch knows nothing of the circumstances of this unpleasant
j story except from the published accounts, nor why His Grace of
Leeds has come to the conclusion that it is more to the credit of his
family that Lord Godolphin Osborne should go through incarce-
ration and the Insolvent Court for such a sum as £1000 than to pay
the young Lord’s debts and give him a chance in married life. If
the matter were not one of public legal record, Mr. Punch, of course,

| would never have alluded to it, and the “Own Correspondent” of
provincial and American papers need fear no intrusion (except from
Spiritualists) upon the monopoly of impertinent revelation of private
matters. Mr. Punch completes the story, from the published evidence,
by saying that two witnesses, a tailor and the Jew, were called, who
j swore to misrepresentations by the insolvent as to his income, and
as to what he had received from them; and the Jew, as reported, says
that he was promised a hamper of plate, but that Lord Godolphin
Osborne excused himself from getting it on a particular day “ as the
butler was in the way.” Unless this is a typographical error, and the
word “not” is omitted by mistake, one would like to know what
Egyptians our Hebrew thought were to have been spoiled for his
benefit. We take the report, however, as we find it in the Star.
After one Laxton had testified that the said butler had stated that
such plate was non-existent, and also that Lord Godolphin Osborne

i

had “sumptious” breakfasts, which were explained to mean beef-
steaks. The Judge, believing the tailor and the Jew,

“ Condemned the conduct of the insolvent, knowing he had but £100 a-year to
indulge in the luxuries mentioned, not to say vices. The insolvent had been con-
tradicted on oath by two witnesses, and he must deal with him as he would with
other persons, and under the penal clause of the Act he directed that he should
be imprisoned for six calendar months from the date of the vesting order.”

So much for the young Lord. Now let us hear a gentleman who
writes to the Star iu comment upon the discontented banker’s-clerk.
We must condense his narrative a good deal, but here are the points.
He writes from the Temple, and signs himself an LL.D.:—

“ At the age of twenty I took a degree in my University, and iutended going to
the bar. I had a very good property, but the extravagance and improvidence of
college life, and subsequently a law-suit, reduced it to £40 a-year. I felt I must
change my habits. I married and came to London, weak and delicate—I might say
a boy. My young wife, who descended from a superior rank to share the misfor-
tunes of a student, shared his resolution, too. After a few months’anxious searching
I obtained two literary engagements, which brought mean £110 a year—one to be
attended in the morning, the other in the evening. Six miles of London pavement
lay between them. I took a house, as near as I could guess, in the centre of my field
of operations, and for three years, through rain and snow and scorching sun, I
walked twelve miles a day (except Sunday) and studied forty hours a week besidee.”

He then describes his tiny but comfortable house at £15 a year, and
proceeds

“ My wife, who had her waiting-maid to the hour of her clandestine marriage,
would not hear of a servant. She never charred, except secretly perhaps (it was
the only cause of dispute between us), but she washed, and smoothed, and dusted,
and marketed, and cooked to perfection. A short time elapsed, and I became a
student in the Temple. I never expended more than £10 a-year iu clothing myself,
and yet I appeared amongst gentlemen at commons rather respectably.”

He did not want the doctor, happily, thanks to exercise and early
rising, but “ always fed well, on the best meat—the toiling mind
requires it.” Quite true—he should see Mr. Punch's bills for venison
and turtle.

“ In the second year, I had purchased sufficient choice furniture for a parlour and
bedroom ; and, above all, a select library. The third year came, and the third
story. I was barrister-at-law. My seclusion ended, and so shall my chapter ; only
you are authorised to tell ‘ G. A. P.’ (the maundering clerk), that in this arduous
struggle I never received a farthing gratuity from friend or relative, and always
had a pound to spend when the accidents of my position rendered a Little harmless
amusement necessary.”

There is the companion picture, and Mr. Punch, whose incessant
aim is at once to delight and to instruct, presents the two illustrations
of a young English gentleman’s life, for the study of mankind in
general. He would add that if Mrs. L. L. D. (to whom he presents
his heartiest and most admiring compliments) has any sisters, several
of his best Young Men would feel profoundly obliged by an invitation
to tea.


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