DOI issue:
September 1, 1860
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16866#0098
NOT UP TO HIS BUSINESS.3”
Cross Bos Driver. “ Now, why didn't, you take that there party?'
Conductor. “ Said they wouldn't go."
Cross Bus Driver. “ Said THEY wouldnt go ? THEY said they wouldn't go ? Why, what do you suppose you,'re put there for ? You
call that Conductin' a Bus. Oh! THEY vmildn't go! I like that, dc., dc."
STARTLING INTELLIGENCE.
We have been for some weeks daily startled out of some of our five
senses by t he sight of a small paragraph in big type in the Times, which
every morning occupies a most, conspicuous position, and cannot fail to
catch the eye of constant, readers like ourselves in glancing down the
page. The paragraph flits dodgily about the inner sheet; now appearing
just, at the end oi the last leader, and anon being inserted at the close
of the Court Circular, or with the maniacal returns of conscience
money to the Exchequer, or as a tit-bit to wind up the very Latest
Intelligence. Our interest and excitement are thus artfully kept up,
tor we cannot always at a glimpse recognise our old acquaintance, as
we might do were it always printed in one place. We therefore every
morning seize upon it with avidity, expecting to discover a most,
interesting announcement, such for instance, let us sav, as any one of
these:—
We rejoice to state the fact, that Garibaldi has stormed^Naples,
and has taken Bomba prisoner. The Royal miscreant is now in one of
his own dungeons, and will be beheaded (it, is hoped) on Monday next.
We are requested to announce that the Earl op Derby is now
staying with his old friend Mr. Bright, and that Lord Palmerston
will join them in the course of a few days. The meeting of these three
statesmen is a political arrangement, of which a new Reform Bill is
said to be the base.
It alarms us to have learned that the Emperor op the French has
completed his arrangements for invading England, and the ceremony
will come off in the middle of next week. The troops will simulta-
neously effect an unmolested landing at Portsmouth, Dover, Plymouth,
John o’ Groat’s House, and Sheerness ; and after having devastated the
outlying districts, Mill at once proceed together to demolish Windsor
Castle, and then march on the Metropolis, which they intend to sack.
We believe that, we may state, without much fear of contradiction,
that Viscount Williams is engaged in completing a big blue book.
showing how many cheeseparings he has this year saved the nation,
and what amount, of loaves and fishes have been wasted by the Govern-
ment since they first came into place.
It charms us to announce that, Mr. Coboen is preparing a new
Treaty of Commerce, whereby the Emperor will pledge, himself to
general disarmament,; provided only that, to show him our intentions
are pacific, we first disband our Army, sink our Navy, and disarm our
Volunteers.
We are requested to make known the highly interesting fact, that
Mr. Punch, who is about to complete his Thousandth Number, is making
splendid preparations for this national event. Without undue divulging
the secrets of the press, it may he confidently prophesied, that, this
his Thousandth effort will far exceed in every estimable quality the
nine hundred and ninety and nine which have so happily preceded it.
Instead of some such startling pieces of intelligence, only just con-
ceive how disappointing it has been to discover only this :—
“We beg to inform our readers that The Times may now be purchased at all
railway stations in England and Wales where newspapers are sold at the price of
four pence per copy. Travellers who are unable to obtain The Tinas on demand will
oblige us by making immediate complaint to the publisher."
Without, presuming in the least to dictate to onr contemporary, or
interfering in the slightest with its business arrangements, may we not
just drop the hint, that however vastly interesting t his statement may
have been when it was first put forward, it has now rather lost, its
freshness, and is becoming mere stale news ? Moreover, now that we
have given it insertion in our columns, we have of course secured for
it a world-wide circulation, and there can therefore be no longer the
least need, to repeat it.
Another Rap at the Rappers.—One of those humbugs who are
called “Mediums” has been heard to express a fear that,, in conse-
quence of the attacks which have been made on it by Punch, the
business of a Spirit-rapper will be soon not wort h a rap.
Cross Bos Driver. “ Now, why didn't, you take that there party?'
Conductor. “ Said they wouldn't go."
Cross Bus Driver. “ Said THEY wouldnt go ? THEY said they wouldn't go ? Why, what do you suppose you,'re put there for ? You
call that Conductin' a Bus. Oh! THEY vmildn't go! I like that, dc., dc."
STARTLING INTELLIGENCE.
We have been for some weeks daily startled out of some of our five
senses by t he sight of a small paragraph in big type in the Times, which
every morning occupies a most, conspicuous position, and cannot fail to
catch the eye of constant, readers like ourselves in glancing down the
page. The paragraph flits dodgily about the inner sheet; now appearing
just, at the end oi the last leader, and anon being inserted at the close
of the Court Circular, or with the maniacal returns of conscience
money to the Exchequer, or as a tit-bit to wind up the very Latest
Intelligence. Our interest and excitement are thus artfully kept up,
tor we cannot always at a glimpse recognise our old acquaintance, as
we might do were it always printed in one place. We therefore every
morning seize upon it with avidity, expecting to discover a most,
interesting announcement, such for instance, let us sav, as any one of
these:—
We rejoice to state the fact, that Garibaldi has stormed^Naples,
and has taken Bomba prisoner. The Royal miscreant is now in one of
his own dungeons, and will be beheaded (it, is hoped) on Monday next.
We are requested to announce that the Earl op Derby is now
staying with his old friend Mr. Bright, and that Lord Palmerston
will join them in the course of a few days. The meeting of these three
statesmen is a political arrangement, of which a new Reform Bill is
said to be the base.
It alarms us to have learned that the Emperor op the French has
completed his arrangements for invading England, and the ceremony
will come off in the middle of next week. The troops will simulta-
neously effect an unmolested landing at Portsmouth, Dover, Plymouth,
John o’ Groat’s House, and Sheerness ; and after having devastated the
outlying districts, Mill at once proceed together to demolish Windsor
Castle, and then march on the Metropolis, which they intend to sack.
We believe that, we may state, without much fear of contradiction,
that Viscount Williams is engaged in completing a big blue book.
showing how many cheeseparings he has this year saved the nation,
and what amount, of loaves and fishes have been wasted by the Govern-
ment since they first came into place.
It charms us to announce that, Mr. Coboen is preparing a new
Treaty of Commerce, whereby the Emperor will pledge, himself to
general disarmament,; provided only that, to show him our intentions
are pacific, we first disband our Army, sink our Navy, and disarm our
Volunteers.
We are requested to make known the highly interesting fact, that
Mr. Punch, who is about to complete his Thousandth Number, is making
splendid preparations for this national event. Without undue divulging
the secrets of the press, it may he confidently prophesied, that, this
his Thousandth effort will far exceed in every estimable quality the
nine hundred and ninety and nine which have so happily preceded it.
Instead of some such startling pieces of intelligence, only just con-
ceive how disappointing it has been to discover only this :—
“We beg to inform our readers that The Times may now be purchased at all
railway stations in England and Wales where newspapers are sold at the price of
four pence per copy. Travellers who are unable to obtain The Tinas on demand will
oblige us by making immediate complaint to the publisher."
Without, presuming in the least to dictate to onr contemporary, or
interfering in the slightest with its business arrangements, may we not
just drop the hint, that however vastly interesting t his statement may
have been when it was first put forward, it has now rather lost, its
freshness, and is becoming mere stale news ? Moreover, now that we
have given it insertion in our columns, we have of course secured for
it a world-wide circulation, and there can therefore be no longer the
least need, to repeat it.
Another Rap at the Rappers.—One of those humbugs who are
called “Mediums” has been heard to express a fear that,, in conse-
quence of the attacks which have been made on it by Punch, the
business of a Spirit-rapper will be soon not wort h a rap.