DOI Heft:
January 13, 1866
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16877#0022
14
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 13, 1866.
THE CHACE.
Dear Punch,—You heard me
say a week ago that I was
going to have a day with
f.he hounds. I’ll tell you
how it came about. My
friend, Tom Rede, is as you
may recollect, a quiet elderly
creature, with spectacles,
who, I had always’thought,
never went out of town, and
knew nothing whatever of
the country. Calculating
upon these supposed oppi-
dan habits, I expatiated to
him at some length upon
rustic joys, the delights of
winter in the country, and,
warming with my subject,
recounted how I used to
hunt the wily fox, ride three
times a week with the
Bracebridge pack, and get
such occasional croppers as
would have shaken any
other man’s nerve right out
of him. I wound up by
strongly advising him to go
down into the country for
the winter, take to hunt-
ing and shooting, and really
enjoy life.
1 expected him to say that at his age such a thing was out of the
question. I was, therefore, scarcely prepared for his answering me that
he always hunted regularly twice a week, in Cambridgeshire, in Suffolk
sometimes, and now and then in Sussex. I said I envied him, and only
wished that I had a horse in order to join him. Hearing this, he offered
me a mount, I thanked him; there was nothing I should like so much
as a mount, if not too high. It wasn’t too high, he said, only fifteen
one, and as quiet as a lamb. I said, in a tone of surprise, “ Oh ! only
fifteen one?” But I don’t precisely know what I meant by it. 'Would
I come down the day after to-morrow, and have a look at the Sussex
country ? Nothing would, I assured him, give me greater pleasure than
to “ come down and look at the Sussex country.” I should like to look
at it, immensely; but the day after to-morrow was, I regretted,to say,
impossible. “ Yery well,” he returned kindly, “ then say the day after
that, or two days after; it’s all the same to me.” This was really
very good of him, but I wouldn’t inconvenience him; nothing I should
like better, of course ; but I didn’t quite see, owing to press of business,
how I could manage to get away for another fortnight at least. [You
will understand, dear P., that I was longing to go; but it always
happens, that there’s a difficulty when one particularly wishes to
accept some pleasant invitation. I hadn’t ridden for some time;
and, therefore, nothing, as I have before observed, would have given
me greater pleasure than to be once more in the saddle crying “ Tallyho ! ”
and “ Yoicks! ”]
Tom Rede was very hospitable and pressing; *’ settle your own day,”
says he, “and come when you like. There’s a mount always at your
service, and when the hounds don’t meet, on the off-days there are the
harriers.” Capital! excellent!
I told Rede, I shall be delighted to accept his offer;
he quite sure he could give me a mount ? Quite: he
me that the horses had no one to ride them, they were
nothing, eating their heads off; and had been so long without
work, that if not ridden soon, they’d become too fresh, almost
unmanageable, that is, he added, for any one who likes quiet going.
1 took this opportunity of informing him that I liked quiet going:
that, on the whole, i preferred quiet going. “ But some spirit, eh ? ”
asked Rede. Oh yes, 1 said, I liked some spirit ; a little, you know.
So it was settled: he would have the chestnut exercised for me every
day, and on Saturday I was to be with him at Bullfinch Hall (just
between Suffolk and Cambridgeshire), and on Monday we would go to
the Pinchley Meet ten miles off. I shook him warmly by the hand,
and hoped that nothing would happen to prevent my coming. [My dear
P., nothing did happen: so I went.]
I employed the intervening days in inquiring of my friends what was
the difference between foxhounds and harriers; of course I knew, but
not having hunted for some time, I wanted to refresh my memory, as
my idea was that there was less hard riding, or less difficult country, with
harriers, than with foxhounds. My friends said yes, I was right, but
that harriers were capital fun; and you could get just as much sport
out of ’em as out of fox-hounds. It struck me that, as far as I was
concerned, this was very probable. I mean, that I am such a lover of
sport in any shape, that, even where there is little or no danger, the
but was
informed
doing
sport itself has equal attractions for me. I didn’t know whether
breeches and tops were necessary for harriers; the costume is imma-
terial, it appears ; but as it would seem pretentious to hunt in pink,
I ordered a quiet green coat turned up with scarlet (just to give an idea
of foxhounds) with brass buttons, a pair of cord trousers, which would
do afterwards for ordinary riding, and a pair of black leather gaiters,
which will do, when I’m not riding, for walking in the mud. [Utility,
my dear P., combined with pleasure.]
I do hope that nothing will happen to prevent my going out with
the hounds to-morrow. It would be such a disappointment.
I remain, yours for ever,
Martin F, Crupper.
THE UNITED KINGDOM ALLIANCE REFUGE.
What will the Council of the United Kingdom Alliance do with the
£50,000 for which the subscribers to that Association have put down
their names ? Not bolt with the money, for they will be unable to
do that until they get if, which if they ever do the subscribing par-
ties will be even greater fools than we take them for. In the impro-
bable event, however, of the sum, or some of it, being really paid up,
and the receivers of it being disposed to apply it in any way to the
promotion of temperance, the best thing they could do with it would be
to expend it in founding an institution such as the doubtlessly useful
charity thus described in the Times:—
“Inebriate Asylum.—The Bingbamtown (United States) Republican announces
that the Inebriate Asylum has opened another ward, which will accommodate 22
additional patients. The inmates are said to comprise men of strong intellect,
victims of and chained by the fiend of intoxication. It i stated that encouraging
instances of cure have been given.”
In devoting any money subscribed towards the purposes of the
United Kingdom Alliance to the purpose of instituting an “ Inebriate
Asylum,” the Executive of the Alliance will not appropriate its funds
exclusively to other uses than their own. People who are such
“ dipsomaniacs” that they cannot trust themselves with strong drink,
consult their own well-being in the establishment of an asylum for the
victims of inebriety, and lunatics who want to deprive the majority of
beer in order to prevent the minority from getting drunk ought to be
shut up. It would not be altogether irrespectively of their own
interests that the gentlemen who administer the pecuniary affairs of the
United Kingdom Alliance would apply any resources with which it
might possibly be supplied by the folly of its supporters, to the founda-
tion of an “Inebriate Asylum.”
THE MIRACLES OF MACHINERY.
May it Please your Holiness,
The following paragraph appears in the Hampshire Independent:—
“ A Statue Weepinq by Steam—The Florence Correspondent of the Indepen-
dance Beige says that a singular discovery has been made in a church in one of the
faubourgs of Milan. A statue of St. Magdalen, which has long been famous for
weeping in the presence of unbelievers, was recently moved in order to facilitate
repairs for the church. It was found that the statue contained an arrangement fOT
boiling water. The steam passed up into the head, and was there condensed. The
water thus made its way by a couple of pipes to the eyes, and trickled down upon
the cheeks of the image. So the wonderful miracle was performed.”
Would it be too much to ask your Holiuess if this story cau possibly
have any truth iu it ? The children of your Holiness will tell me that
it is absurd to ask such a question of their Holy Father. Yet what am
I to think when I consider that certain ecclesiastics, who dare teach
nothing but what the Pope sanctions, teach, unrebuked by the Pope,
that the “ Holy House ” at Loretto flew thither from Syria, and that
the blood of St. Januarius melts periodically at Naples ? The organs of
your Holiness in the Press have asserted the reality of winking images
even in your Holiness’s own states, and I think your Holiness has
never told them not to tell such lies. If the images really do wink, it
is possible that they wink by means analogous to those which are said
to have enabled the statue at Milan to cry. Might I humbly suggest
that if your Holiness would vouchsafe to order a satisfactory examina-
tion of all alleged crying and winking images, people would not have
the audacity to suspect your Holiness of conniving at humbug? Ready
to salute the foot of your Holiness according to the nature of my species,
I await your Holiness’s apostolical benediction, not anathema aud kick
in the chaps, and am, respectfully, my master’s dog,
Toby.
Self-Help and Small Salaries.
It appears that the Clerks of Her Majesty’s Customs are grossly
underpaid. Cannot Government help them ? There is no honest way
in which they can help themselves ; and they have large opportunities
of helping themselves to the public money. It is no small credit to
them that they have, as a body, faithfully abstained from resorting to
the only self-help in their power.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 13, 1866.
THE CHACE.
Dear Punch,—You heard me
say a week ago that I was
going to have a day with
f.he hounds. I’ll tell you
how it came about. My
friend, Tom Rede, is as you
may recollect, a quiet elderly
creature, with spectacles,
who, I had always’thought,
never went out of town, and
knew nothing whatever of
the country. Calculating
upon these supposed oppi-
dan habits, I expatiated to
him at some length upon
rustic joys, the delights of
winter in the country, and,
warming with my subject,
recounted how I used to
hunt the wily fox, ride three
times a week with the
Bracebridge pack, and get
such occasional croppers as
would have shaken any
other man’s nerve right out
of him. I wound up by
strongly advising him to go
down into the country for
the winter, take to hunt-
ing and shooting, and really
enjoy life.
1 expected him to say that at his age such a thing was out of the
question. I was, therefore, scarcely prepared for his answering me that
he always hunted regularly twice a week, in Cambridgeshire, in Suffolk
sometimes, and now and then in Sussex. I said I envied him, and only
wished that I had a horse in order to join him. Hearing this, he offered
me a mount, I thanked him; there was nothing I should like so much
as a mount, if not too high. It wasn’t too high, he said, only fifteen
one, and as quiet as a lamb. I said, in a tone of surprise, “ Oh ! only
fifteen one?” But I don’t precisely know what I meant by it. 'Would
I come down the day after to-morrow, and have a look at the Sussex
country ? Nothing would, I assured him, give me greater pleasure than
to “ come down and look at the Sussex country.” I should like to look
at it, immensely; but the day after to-morrow was, I regretted,to say,
impossible. “ Yery well,” he returned kindly, “ then say the day after
that, or two days after; it’s all the same to me.” This was really
very good of him, but I wouldn’t inconvenience him; nothing I should
like better, of course ; but I didn’t quite see, owing to press of business,
how I could manage to get away for another fortnight at least. [You
will understand, dear P., that I was longing to go; but it always
happens, that there’s a difficulty when one particularly wishes to
accept some pleasant invitation. I hadn’t ridden for some time;
and, therefore, nothing, as I have before observed, would have given
me greater pleasure than to be once more in the saddle crying “ Tallyho ! ”
and “ Yoicks! ”]
Tom Rede was very hospitable and pressing; *’ settle your own day,”
says he, “and come when you like. There’s a mount always at your
service, and when the hounds don’t meet, on the off-days there are the
harriers.” Capital! excellent!
I told Rede, I shall be delighted to accept his offer;
he quite sure he could give me a mount ? Quite: he
me that the horses had no one to ride them, they were
nothing, eating their heads off; and had been so long without
work, that if not ridden soon, they’d become too fresh, almost
unmanageable, that is, he added, for any one who likes quiet going.
1 took this opportunity of informing him that I liked quiet going:
that, on the whole, i preferred quiet going. “ But some spirit, eh ? ”
asked Rede. Oh yes, 1 said, I liked some spirit ; a little, you know.
So it was settled: he would have the chestnut exercised for me every
day, and on Saturday I was to be with him at Bullfinch Hall (just
between Suffolk and Cambridgeshire), and on Monday we would go to
the Pinchley Meet ten miles off. I shook him warmly by the hand,
and hoped that nothing would happen to prevent my coming. [My dear
P., nothing did happen: so I went.]
I employed the intervening days in inquiring of my friends what was
the difference between foxhounds and harriers; of course I knew, but
not having hunted for some time, I wanted to refresh my memory, as
my idea was that there was less hard riding, or less difficult country, with
harriers, than with foxhounds. My friends said yes, I was right, but
that harriers were capital fun; and you could get just as much sport
out of ’em as out of fox-hounds. It struck me that, as far as I was
concerned, this was very probable. I mean, that I am such a lover of
sport in any shape, that, even where there is little or no danger, the
but was
informed
doing
sport itself has equal attractions for me. I didn’t know whether
breeches and tops were necessary for harriers; the costume is imma-
terial, it appears ; but as it would seem pretentious to hunt in pink,
I ordered a quiet green coat turned up with scarlet (just to give an idea
of foxhounds) with brass buttons, a pair of cord trousers, which would
do afterwards for ordinary riding, and a pair of black leather gaiters,
which will do, when I’m not riding, for walking in the mud. [Utility,
my dear P., combined with pleasure.]
I do hope that nothing will happen to prevent my going out with
the hounds to-morrow. It would be such a disappointment.
I remain, yours for ever,
Martin F, Crupper.
THE UNITED KINGDOM ALLIANCE REFUGE.
What will the Council of the United Kingdom Alliance do with the
£50,000 for which the subscribers to that Association have put down
their names ? Not bolt with the money, for they will be unable to
do that until they get if, which if they ever do the subscribing par-
ties will be even greater fools than we take them for. In the impro-
bable event, however, of the sum, or some of it, being really paid up,
and the receivers of it being disposed to apply it in any way to the
promotion of temperance, the best thing they could do with it would be
to expend it in founding an institution such as the doubtlessly useful
charity thus described in the Times:—
“Inebriate Asylum.—The Bingbamtown (United States) Republican announces
that the Inebriate Asylum has opened another ward, which will accommodate 22
additional patients. The inmates are said to comprise men of strong intellect,
victims of and chained by the fiend of intoxication. It i stated that encouraging
instances of cure have been given.”
In devoting any money subscribed towards the purposes of the
United Kingdom Alliance to the purpose of instituting an “ Inebriate
Asylum,” the Executive of the Alliance will not appropriate its funds
exclusively to other uses than their own. People who are such
“ dipsomaniacs” that they cannot trust themselves with strong drink,
consult their own well-being in the establishment of an asylum for the
victims of inebriety, and lunatics who want to deprive the majority of
beer in order to prevent the minority from getting drunk ought to be
shut up. It would not be altogether irrespectively of their own
interests that the gentlemen who administer the pecuniary affairs of the
United Kingdom Alliance would apply any resources with which it
might possibly be supplied by the folly of its supporters, to the founda-
tion of an “Inebriate Asylum.”
THE MIRACLES OF MACHINERY.
May it Please your Holiness,
The following paragraph appears in the Hampshire Independent:—
“ A Statue Weepinq by Steam—The Florence Correspondent of the Indepen-
dance Beige says that a singular discovery has been made in a church in one of the
faubourgs of Milan. A statue of St. Magdalen, which has long been famous for
weeping in the presence of unbelievers, was recently moved in order to facilitate
repairs for the church. It was found that the statue contained an arrangement fOT
boiling water. The steam passed up into the head, and was there condensed. The
water thus made its way by a couple of pipes to the eyes, and trickled down upon
the cheeks of the image. So the wonderful miracle was performed.”
Would it be too much to ask your Holiuess if this story cau possibly
have any truth iu it ? The children of your Holiness will tell me that
it is absurd to ask such a question of their Holy Father. Yet what am
I to think when I consider that certain ecclesiastics, who dare teach
nothing but what the Pope sanctions, teach, unrebuked by the Pope,
that the “ Holy House ” at Loretto flew thither from Syria, and that
the blood of St. Januarius melts periodically at Naples ? The organs of
your Holiness in the Press have asserted the reality of winking images
even in your Holiness’s own states, and I think your Holiness has
never told them not to tell such lies. If the images really do wink, it
is possible that they wink by means analogous to those which are said
to have enabled the statue at Milan to cry. Might I humbly suggest
that if your Holiness would vouchsafe to order a satisfactory examina-
tion of all alleged crying and winking images, people would not have
the audacity to suspect your Holiness of conniving at humbug? Ready
to salute the foot of your Holiness according to the nature of my species,
I await your Holiness’s apostolical benediction, not anathema aud kick
in the chaps, and am, respectfully, my master’s dog,
Toby.
Self-Help and Small Salaries.
It appears that the Clerks of Her Majesty’s Customs are grossly
underpaid. Cannot Government help them ? There is no honest way
in which they can help themselves ; and they have large opportunities
of helping themselves to the public money. It is no small credit to
them that they have, as a body, faithfully abstained from resorting to
the only self-help in their power.