DOI Heft:
April 21, 1866
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16877#0169
April 21, 1866.J PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
THE POLICE AND THE PETTICOATS.
ou will find it stated I
in Le Follet that—
“ The size of the
crinoline is very sen- j
sibly diminished, but
it cannot be alto-
gether dispensed with
whilst the dresses are
so very long.”
“ Sensibly dimi-
nished ! ” Well,
any diminution of
crinoline is sen-
sible. But we
fondly hoped that
crinoline had gone
quite out of fashion,
and that nobody
now wore it but
snobbesses and
servants. How-
ever, it appears
that, if we wish to
see the last of it,
we must wait a
little longer. We
must wait, in point
of fact, until long
dresses are made
shorter. Meanwhile, the pavements will be blocked, and men will be tripped up,
and will tumble on their noses, yet the ladies will not bate one inch of their cir-
cumference. Until the mandate of the milliners goes forth to shorten sail, the
ladies, bless them! will not take in a single stitch of canvas. In order to reduce the
length and breadth of their offending, we wish Sir Richard Mayne would plant
policemen armed with scissors at the corners of the streets, and give them strict
mstructions that they “ sensibly diminish” all excrescences of costume, whereby any
one may anywhere be anyhow annoyed.
SIX TO ONE, AND HALF-A-DOZEN TO
THE OTHER”
M.P.’s who in glass-houses
Do live in state and ease,
Don’t take to throwing stones
At each other, if you please.
When you talk of changing parties,
And jumping of Jem Crow,
Just think how oft the word with you
Has been “About you go !”
If Dizzy’s “cut for partners”
All round about the ring.
Left Joey Hume’s protection
Eor Lord George Bentinck’s wing,
Gladstone, ere “heaving at him”
His eloquent “ harf-brick,”
Should think how he changed colours,
Ere he found one to stick.
When John Bright platform missiles
Would rake up for his foe.
And fiuds “ Dirty conspirator”
The handiest mud to throw—
Let him think how in the Lobby
He stood with Tory swells,
Along of China questions
And of Orsini shells.
Think how each fellow Member
Is both a man and brother;
If six to one, ’tis odds it is
Half-dozen to the other.
Seeing the fragile fabrics
That for M.P.’s use are blown,
Stones likely to break windows
Had best be let alone.
THE A.B.C. GUIDE.
The Member for Tynemouth, in his maiden speech, alluded to the
“ jargon” by means of which historical truths are impressed upon the
undergraduate mind by coaches; and Mr. Carlyle more recently
denounced the same system at Edinburgh. Its advantages are never-
theless considerable. A boy who has to grasp and retain the fact that
the Deluge happened before the siege of Jerusalem, and the latter event
before the Norman Conquest, has simply to remember the formula
Del-seejer-konk ; and by storing in his memory a few thousand pages of
this agreeable reading, may have before him all the events of history in
their proper order. It would doubtless be a gain if the same information
could be conveyed through the medium of sense and not of nonsense;
and we subjoin a short tale which will indicate at least the principle on
which this might be done:—
A baldheaded Captain deliberately every Friday got horribly inebri-
ated ; jabbered (knowing little, maybe nothing, of political questions)
republican sentiments to unappreciative visitors, who, exasperated,
yawned zealously.
Any baby or neglected adult who has yet to learn his alphabet will
find his task materially lightened if he will begin by mastering (which
he will of course do without difficulty) the above engaging narrative.
THE SOLD ARMY SURGEONS.
Some fuss has been made in the medical profession about an alleged
breach of faith towards the medical officers of the Guards. Their
grievance is, that whereas they were induced to enter that corps at the
time of the Crimean war by the representation that promotion in the
Guards was regimental, the Commander-in-Chief has recently
signified his intent to fill an appointment of battalion surgeon therein
by brigade promotion. This they regard as the introduction of a
system which will inflict serious injury upon themselves, who entered
under that of regimental promotion; inasmuch as it is likely to prevent
them from ever reaching the higher grades in the service to which they
would otherwise rise in due course. From the reply of the Marquis of
Hartington to impertinent questions in the House of Commons, it
appears that the Government has no intention to take any measures for
compelling his Royal Highness the Commander-in-Chief to observe
any absurd punctilio in dealing with the medical officers of the Guards
48 f° the fulfilment of a promise dictated by past expediency.
This is the way to treat those snobs of Army Surgeons. What if,
notwithstanding that there are plenty of medical men, there were
during the last year only seventeen candidates for the Army Medical
Service, of whom seven were rejected ? What though the Times is
quite correct in the following statement
“ That the public medical service is distasteful to the profession is shown in the
small number entering and the large number of resignations after, as since 1850 up
to the present time no less than 137 medical officers have left the Royal Navy, and
during the same period 117 have voluntarily left the Army even after seventeen
years' service.”
A scarcity of surgeons in the Army and Navy is of very small
importance in these weak piping times of peace. When war breaks
out, then it will be soon enough to offer inducements sufficient to
tempt medical gentlemen to accept commissions in the military and
naval service. No doubt they will be caught as easily as others were
caught before them, and the engagements into which it may be neces-
sary to enter with them for that purpose, can afterwards, when peace is
restored, be once^more quietly broken, as usual, at'the convenience of
Head Quarters.
EXAMINATION PAPERS.
To Mr. Punch.
Revered Sir, my Guide, Philosopher, and Friend,
Not long ago you were pleased to notice the edifying array of
ponderous, octosyllabic learning with which certain of our medical
teachers here are wont to garnish the Examination papers set
before their admiring pupils; and, knowing how greatly you will rejoice
to hear that these laudable exercitations are not likely to be fruitless
among our ingenuous youth, I hasten to present for the diploma of
your approving nod (yes, Sir, a five-pound note, if you please) this
piece of very interesting and hopeful news. It is that a learned paper
has just been read to one of our famed Medical Societies by its young
and rising Secretary, on a remarkable case, lately met with in his
practice, to which he has given the most worthy name of ANENCE-
PHA.LATROPHIA; that is in the vernacular, under correction of
your learned Toby, the wasting of a non-existent Brain, or, as it may be
scholastically rendered, the microscopico-mist-ological annihilation oj
nothing. As was to be expected, the learned gentleman’s observations
tended somewhat to discredit the old Hypocratic dictum, ex nihilo nihil
it, and leaned rather to the more congenial doctrine of similis similibus
gaudet. Believe me, much respected Sir,
Your most dutiful grand-nephew,
Sampson Agonistes Swipes, M.D.
Edinburgh, April kth, 1866 (The younger).
Vol. 50.
6
161
THE POLICE AND THE PETTICOATS.
ou will find it stated I
in Le Follet that—
“ The size of the
crinoline is very sen- j
sibly diminished, but
it cannot be alto-
gether dispensed with
whilst the dresses are
so very long.”
“ Sensibly dimi-
nished ! ” Well,
any diminution of
crinoline is sen-
sible. But we
fondly hoped that
crinoline had gone
quite out of fashion,
and that nobody
now wore it but
snobbesses and
servants. How-
ever, it appears
that, if we wish to
see the last of it,
we must wait a
little longer. We
must wait, in point
of fact, until long
dresses are made
shorter. Meanwhile, the pavements will be blocked, and men will be tripped up,
and will tumble on their noses, yet the ladies will not bate one inch of their cir-
cumference. Until the mandate of the milliners goes forth to shorten sail, the
ladies, bless them! will not take in a single stitch of canvas. In order to reduce the
length and breadth of their offending, we wish Sir Richard Mayne would plant
policemen armed with scissors at the corners of the streets, and give them strict
mstructions that they “ sensibly diminish” all excrescences of costume, whereby any
one may anywhere be anyhow annoyed.
SIX TO ONE, AND HALF-A-DOZEN TO
THE OTHER”
M.P.’s who in glass-houses
Do live in state and ease,
Don’t take to throwing stones
At each other, if you please.
When you talk of changing parties,
And jumping of Jem Crow,
Just think how oft the word with you
Has been “About you go !”
If Dizzy’s “cut for partners”
All round about the ring.
Left Joey Hume’s protection
Eor Lord George Bentinck’s wing,
Gladstone, ere “heaving at him”
His eloquent “ harf-brick,”
Should think how he changed colours,
Ere he found one to stick.
When John Bright platform missiles
Would rake up for his foe.
And fiuds “ Dirty conspirator”
The handiest mud to throw—
Let him think how in the Lobby
He stood with Tory swells,
Along of China questions
And of Orsini shells.
Think how each fellow Member
Is both a man and brother;
If six to one, ’tis odds it is
Half-dozen to the other.
Seeing the fragile fabrics
That for M.P.’s use are blown,
Stones likely to break windows
Had best be let alone.
THE A.B.C. GUIDE.
The Member for Tynemouth, in his maiden speech, alluded to the
“ jargon” by means of which historical truths are impressed upon the
undergraduate mind by coaches; and Mr. Carlyle more recently
denounced the same system at Edinburgh. Its advantages are never-
theless considerable. A boy who has to grasp and retain the fact that
the Deluge happened before the siege of Jerusalem, and the latter event
before the Norman Conquest, has simply to remember the formula
Del-seejer-konk ; and by storing in his memory a few thousand pages of
this agreeable reading, may have before him all the events of history in
their proper order. It would doubtless be a gain if the same information
could be conveyed through the medium of sense and not of nonsense;
and we subjoin a short tale which will indicate at least the principle on
which this might be done:—
A baldheaded Captain deliberately every Friday got horribly inebri-
ated ; jabbered (knowing little, maybe nothing, of political questions)
republican sentiments to unappreciative visitors, who, exasperated,
yawned zealously.
Any baby or neglected adult who has yet to learn his alphabet will
find his task materially lightened if he will begin by mastering (which
he will of course do without difficulty) the above engaging narrative.
THE SOLD ARMY SURGEONS.
Some fuss has been made in the medical profession about an alleged
breach of faith towards the medical officers of the Guards. Their
grievance is, that whereas they were induced to enter that corps at the
time of the Crimean war by the representation that promotion in the
Guards was regimental, the Commander-in-Chief has recently
signified his intent to fill an appointment of battalion surgeon therein
by brigade promotion. This they regard as the introduction of a
system which will inflict serious injury upon themselves, who entered
under that of regimental promotion; inasmuch as it is likely to prevent
them from ever reaching the higher grades in the service to which they
would otherwise rise in due course. From the reply of the Marquis of
Hartington to impertinent questions in the House of Commons, it
appears that the Government has no intention to take any measures for
compelling his Royal Highness the Commander-in-Chief to observe
any absurd punctilio in dealing with the medical officers of the Guards
48 f° the fulfilment of a promise dictated by past expediency.
This is the way to treat those snobs of Army Surgeons. What if,
notwithstanding that there are plenty of medical men, there were
during the last year only seventeen candidates for the Army Medical
Service, of whom seven were rejected ? What though the Times is
quite correct in the following statement
“ That the public medical service is distasteful to the profession is shown in the
small number entering and the large number of resignations after, as since 1850 up
to the present time no less than 137 medical officers have left the Royal Navy, and
during the same period 117 have voluntarily left the Army even after seventeen
years' service.”
A scarcity of surgeons in the Army and Navy is of very small
importance in these weak piping times of peace. When war breaks
out, then it will be soon enough to offer inducements sufficient to
tempt medical gentlemen to accept commissions in the military and
naval service. No doubt they will be caught as easily as others were
caught before them, and the engagements into which it may be neces-
sary to enter with them for that purpose, can afterwards, when peace is
restored, be once^more quietly broken, as usual, at'the convenience of
Head Quarters.
EXAMINATION PAPERS.
To Mr. Punch.
Revered Sir, my Guide, Philosopher, and Friend,
Not long ago you were pleased to notice the edifying array of
ponderous, octosyllabic learning with which certain of our medical
teachers here are wont to garnish the Examination papers set
before their admiring pupils; and, knowing how greatly you will rejoice
to hear that these laudable exercitations are not likely to be fruitless
among our ingenuous youth, I hasten to present for the diploma of
your approving nod (yes, Sir, a five-pound note, if you please) this
piece of very interesting and hopeful news. It is that a learned paper
has just been read to one of our famed Medical Societies by its young
and rising Secretary, on a remarkable case, lately met with in his
practice, to which he has given the most worthy name of ANENCE-
PHA.LATROPHIA; that is in the vernacular, under correction of
your learned Toby, the wasting of a non-existent Brain, or, as it may be
scholastically rendered, the microscopico-mist-ological annihilation oj
nothing. As was to be expected, the learned gentleman’s observations
tended somewhat to discredit the old Hypocratic dictum, ex nihilo nihil
it, and leaned rather to the more congenial doctrine of similis similibus
gaudet. Believe me, much respected Sir,
Your most dutiful grand-nephew,
Sampson Agonistes Swipes, M.D.
Edinburgh, April kth, 1866 (The younger).
Vol. 50.
6