Punch (50.1866)

June 23, 1866.]

PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

26)

HAPPY THOUGHTS.

[Collected in Sappy Hours: including some instructive facts in Natural
History, and other domestic and rural information.]

Thoughts in Town during the hottest days— How delightful it must be
to live in. the country. On such a day as this, 75° in the shade, one
would have all the windows looking on to the lawn open during dinner,
luncheon, and breakfast. Go out and throw bread to gold-fish in a
pond. There must be gold-fish. In the hottest part of the day lie out
on the grass with a book, or go to sleep sub tegminefagi. Or pull
oneself in a boat, very gently, to a shady cool nook, beneath the boughs
of a drooping tree, and there lie down, read, and smoke the soothing
pipe.

Croquet when it is cooler: or feed the gold-fish. The more I think
of it, the more certain I am that no country-house is perfect without
gold-fish. A visit to the farm, in the early morn, or in the evening. How
sweet to have a favourite pig, or a goose, or geese, or a cow, a favourite
cow which would feed out of your hand, and lay eggs—I mean, give milk
every morning for breakfast. What a charming picture! Then how
picturesque is the elegant swan upon the peaceful lake. How cool
appear the carp and the pike, and how lazily will even the little ducks
waddle down to their accustomed pond. And how interesting, now, to
watch the gold-fish. I have though of it again, and conclude that there
must be gold-fish. And at night, calm, serene, and peaceful. The
moon—the tranquil moon—sheds her gentle beams upon the scene.
One can open one’s bedroom window, and sniff the dying fragrancy of
the honeysuckle still lingering on the scarce moving breeze. Oh ! de-
lightful thoughts ; on this the hottest day we’ve had in London during
this present month of June. Yes! to the country! away! To the
gold-fish !

Happy Thought.—“An old Elizabethan House far away in the
country, to let, at a low rent, furnished, for the summer months. Pond,
farm, &c.” Pond! and gold-fish?

A Decision.—Mine, by all that’s ancient and rustic on this hottest
day in June!

Note.—I am there. All is ready for me and mine.

And there are gold-fish in a small pond !

There is a cow: and a pig-stye with pigs.

And a farmyard with cocks and hens.

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your head comfortably placed. A great point is gained when you
determine that you are comfortable. A buzzing—I am disturbed by a
wasp: settled down again. More wasps—no, hornet!—Queen hornet!
All rise to receive her: she is gone. We settle ourselves again.
Bumble-bees, or Humble-bees, we now notice, are not afraid ot coming
quite close to your ears. Humble-bees are supposed not to sting.
There are plenty of ants about: “ Plenty,’’ says our country friend,
“regular good place for ants.” He adds that these reddish-black ants
are peculiar to this part of the country (meaning my Elizabethan House
and grounds) and do bite like winking. We all get up; it is a balance
of comfort.

In-doors.—Wasps and hornets, if they can get in: shut windows and
heat.

Out-of-doors.— Wasps, hornets, bumbles and humbles, ants, and many
other curious insects, including odd flies with long bodies : but, treshair.

Happy Thought.—The Lake—not the pond where the gold-fish are,
but the lake. That’ll be delicious: once in the shade. How elegant
and peaceful the white Swans look as they sit basking and winking in
the noonday sun.

The Swans are between me and the boat. I can’t get at it without
disturbing the Swans. I' wish I had some bread to throw to them, or
the biscuits for the gold-fish.

They hiss savagely on my approach. They do not move but hiss. I
never knew this before. If they move at all, they seem to evince a
disposition to run at one. Country friend says, “ Oh yes, savage
fellows—Swans,” and gives me these particulars :—

A blow from a Swan's wing will break a man's leg.

A Swan once pulled a boy out of a boat, and held him under water till
he was nearly drowned.

(N.B. None of the children to go near the lake.)

Swans are always vicious, unless they know you.

Even when they know you, they are uncertain-tempered.

Hot work getting into the boat. Blazing sun. Row quickly to get
into shade. Hotter than ever after rowing quickly. Some difficulty in
getting underneath the trees. What strength there is in a small branch
if it comes suddenly against you ! I had no idea that it would knock
one right back in the boat with one’s head against the rudder. Country
friend says, “ Oh, didn’t I know that?” and picks my hat out of the
water.

Happy Thought.—This promises comfort. Now for a pipe: tobacco
will keep off the little flies and insects. Unfortunately the fuzees have
fallen into the water. A nuisance; and we’ve left our books on the
bank. Still, with the exception of the very small flies, which, I fancy,
bite—(“ Bite! ” my country friend would think they could bite,
rather : they do, too.)—we might be very comfortable.

Another Happy Thought.—The flies have left off. This is peaceful
and delicious, and—<-

A splash! What was it ? Country friend points out to me a great
big rat close to the boat. Good heavens ! He shows me another
on the bank. Should they jump into our boat! Let us pull off at
once. Where to ? Anywhere where there are no rats. Friend says
it would be a difficult thing to find out that place on the lake. Then
there are many rats here ? “ Many ! ” he informs me that “ it,”

meaning the lake in the grounds of the Elizabethan House, “is cele-
brated for rats.” Nothing I detest so much. We will row to shore.

Note.—In hot weather in the country it is difficult to know when
to dine.

Happy Thought.—Dine in the Heat of the Day. Two o’clock.

Note.—Sure to produce indigestion; and the windows must be closed
on account of the wasps and hornets. And what are you to do after-
wards ? I answer, feed the gold-fish. They say, “ Pooh, bother
the gold-fish.”

Another Happy Thought.—Dine at four.

Query by Every One—Then when are we to lunch? Poser. But why
not a biscuit, and then you can feed the gold-fish ?

Happy Thought.—Dine at six, no wasps then, and windows open.

Objection— But you lose the cool of the evening out-of-doors.

Happy Thought— Split the difference, and say five. Then, what is
one to do (is the objection) from two till five ? I don’t know—feed the
gold-fish. Five is settled.

(More Happy Thoughts to follow.)

A Plagiarism.

We understand that a new version of Mr. Byron’s Comedy, A Hun-
dred Thousand, Pounds, is being performed at the Haymarket, under
the slightly disguised title of The Balance of Comfort.

VERY SCIENTIFIC.

We have written to Mr. Darwin to inquire if it i3 possible, under
his theory of development, for a bay-pony ever to become a sea-horse.

A Parting Injunction.—A decree in the Divorce Court.