DOI Heft:
February 24, 1866
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16877#0083
75
February 24 1866 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
A PROPHET IN HIS OWN COUNTY.
Dear Punch,
Cousin Adam prophesied t’weather for this present severe winter. I send you a few of his best forecasts,
The Fens, Lincolnshire And remain, yours, Esau Wafshot.
1SG5. Dec. 1st.—Severe Frost and Sleet.
18(30. Jan 1st.—Cold Winds and Hard Frost.
Jan. 20th. —Frost and Snow.
Jan. 31st.—Partial Frost.
GREAT LITERARY SALE.
Though not disposed to go all lengths with Mr. Bright, and to
declare that America is Paradise, inhabited only by angels, we have no
objection to take a hint from our smart Transatlantic relations. It
seems that they sell the Dead Letters which lie at their Post Offices.
A great sale of this kind has just taken place at New York, and all
kinds of articles, found in the unclaimed despatches, have been got rid
of by auction.
It has occurred to Mr. Punch, that in these days of dear meat and
outrageous millinery, he may as well turn an honest penny by the sale
of his Dead Letters ; that is, the effusions of ninety-eight per cent, of
his Correspondents.
He hereby gives notice, therefore, that the first Dead Letter Sale
will take place at a date to be announced in future bills.
Among the Letters will be found the following interesting lots
Five hundred and ninety-seven bad jokes upon the name of Governor
Eyre, recommending Jamaica to try “change of Eyre,” congratu-
lating him on “ cutting the Gordon knot,” &c. &c.
Nearly a thousand intimations (warranted original) that the Pope’s
Bull has got the Rinderpest.
Eifty-three attempts at pathetic poetry on a subject which needs no
bad verse to ensure its being remembered, the loss of the London.
Eighty-six caricatures of Dr. Puseyt, with epigrams, the point of
which is usually Pussy.
Ninety-seven caricatures of Mr. Spurgeon, with epigrams, the
point of which is usually Sturgeon.
Eorty-tbree protests against Lord Russell’s trying to increase the
respectability of his Ministry by taking a Duffer in.
Heaps of Nights in Something or other, bad imitations of the Casual
Gent. A Night in the Charing Cross Hotel, a Night in the House of
Lords, a Night in a Night-cellar, and similar rubbish, are among these.
Several thousand obvious attempts on the part of auctioneers, hotel
keepers, local nobodies, quack doctors, and the like, to obtain the awful
puff which a paragraph in Punch would give them. The usual dodge
is to send a letter, purporting to come from somebody who is sur-
prised, or offended, at the proceedings of the fellow who wants the puff,
begging that Mr. Punch will “ show up ” such a character.
Many hundreds of old jokes, (sworn to have been heard on the date
of the letters) with requests for the smallest remuneration, as the
senders are “ hard up.”
A Cart-full pf letters with pamphlets, into not one of which, of course,
Mr. Punch ever thinks of looking.
Jokes carefully transcribed from early volumes of Mr. Punch. He may
as well mention that he keeps a Memory Boy, who knows every line
in SFolumcd, and who has.never.been excePt twice, on
both of which occasions he was immediately put to death.
Two thousand letters enclosing things which the writers admit to be
under the mark, but which they beg may be inserted as encouragement
to young beginners, who may do better hereafter.
Several hundred letters from snobs who have not even yet discovered
that Mr. Punch arose to smite down the scandalous press, not to
imitate it. The names of persons libelled by such writers are carefully
expunged by Mr. Punch, but those of the scoundrels who send the
letters remain for exposure.
Hitherto Mr. Punch has been burning the rubbish above described,
but in future he intends to sell it. Purchasers must remove the lots at ,
their own risk of mental demoralisation.
Justice Shallow and Justice Silence.
Punch hears that the success of an actor who brought an action
against a critic for mentioning him unkindly, has induced another actor
to menace an action against another critic for not mentioning him
at all.
HOUSEHOLD NOTE.
(Bp a Cockney.) What to do with Cold Mutton.—.Heat it.
February 24 1866 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
A PROPHET IN HIS OWN COUNTY.
Dear Punch,
Cousin Adam prophesied t’weather for this present severe winter. I send you a few of his best forecasts,
The Fens, Lincolnshire And remain, yours, Esau Wafshot.
1SG5. Dec. 1st.—Severe Frost and Sleet.
18(30. Jan 1st.—Cold Winds and Hard Frost.
Jan. 20th. —Frost and Snow.
Jan. 31st.—Partial Frost.
GREAT LITERARY SALE.
Though not disposed to go all lengths with Mr. Bright, and to
declare that America is Paradise, inhabited only by angels, we have no
objection to take a hint from our smart Transatlantic relations. It
seems that they sell the Dead Letters which lie at their Post Offices.
A great sale of this kind has just taken place at New York, and all
kinds of articles, found in the unclaimed despatches, have been got rid
of by auction.
It has occurred to Mr. Punch, that in these days of dear meat and
outrageous millinery, he may as well turn an honest penny by the sale
of his Dead Letters ; that is, the effusions of ninety-eight per cent, of
his Correspondents.
He hereby gives notice, therefore, that the first Dead Letter Sale
will take place at a date to be announced in future bills.
Among the Letters will be found the following interesting lots
Five hundred and ninety-seven bad jokes upon the name of Governor
Eyre, recommending Jamaica to try “change of Eyre,” congratu-
lating him on “ cutting the Gordon knot,” &c. &c.
Nearly a thousand intimations (warranted original) that the Pope’s
Bull has got the Rinderpest.
Eifty-three attempts at pathetic poetry on a subject which needs no
bad verse to ensure its being remembered, the loss of the London.
Eighty-six caricatures of Dr. Puseyt, with epigrams, the point of
which is usually Pussy.
Ninety-seven caricatures of Mr. Spurgeon, with epigrams, the
point of which is usually Sturgeon.
Eorty-tbree protests against Lord Russell’s trying to increase the
respectability of his Ministry by taking a Duffer in.
Heaps of Nights in Something or other, bad imitations of the Casual
Gent. A Night in the Charing Cross Hotel, a Night in the House of
Lords, a Night in a Night-cellar, and similar rubbish, are among these.
Several thousand obvious attempts on the part of auctioneers, hotel
keepers, local nobodies, quack doctors, and the like, to obtain the awful
puff which a paragraph in Punch would give them. The usual dodge
is to send a letter, purporting to come from somebody who is sur-
prised, or offended, at the proceedings of the fellow who wants the puff,
begging that Mr. Punch will “ show up ” such a character.
Many hundreds of old jokes, (sworn to have been heard on the date
of the letters) with requests for the smallest remuneration, as the
senders are “ hard up.”
A Cart-full pf letters with pamphlets, into not one of which, of course,
Mr. Punch ever thinks of looking.
Jokes carefully transcribed from early volumes of Mr. Punch. He may
as well mention that he keeps a Memory Boy, who knows every line
in SFolumcd, and who has.never.been excePt twice, on
both of which occasions he was immediately put to death.
Two thousand letters enclosing things which the writers admit to be
under the mark, but which they beg may be inserted as encouragement
to young beginners, who may do better hereafter.
Several hundred letters from snobs who have not even yet discovered
that Mr. Punch arose to smite down the scandalous press, not to
imitate it. The names of persons libelled by such writers are carefully
expunged by Mr. Punch, but those of the scoundrels who send the
letters remain for exposure.
Hitherto Mr. Punch has been burning the rubbish above described,
but in future he intends to sell it. Purchasers must remove the lots at ,
their own risk of mental demoralisation.
Justice Shallow and Justice Silence.
Punch hears that the success of an actor who brought an action
against a critic for mentioning him unkindly, has induced another actor
to menace an action against another critic for not mentioning him
at all.
HOUSEHOLD NOTE.
(Bp a Cockney.) What to do with Cold Mutton.—.Heat it.