Punch (50.1866)

4

May 5, 1866.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

183

PARLIAMENTARY MELODIES.

SONG OF THE WHIP.

Am—“ Come where the Moonbeams linger.”

Come where the moonbeams 1 nger,

On the river-terrace fair ;

On your doubts I’ll put my finger,

And your reasons chase in air.

Your conscientious scruples,

To resist me I defy ;

The first thing I teach my pupils,

Is that conscience is my eye.

Tor a man to keep a conscience,

Or a carriage now-a-days ;

Is a profligate extravagance,

Unless he finds it pays.

Then come where the moonbeams linger,
On the river terrace lone;

On your doubts I ’ll put my finger,

And book you for my own.

You’d not ask me for a penny,

To interest you’d be blind ;

But Constituents you’ve many,

To whom you’d fain be kind.

We’ve messengers, tide-waiters,

Snug places not a few.

There’s a providence that caters
For the honest, pure, and true.

The true, and pure, and honest,

Are our side of the House ;

We scorn to buy opinions,

Or consciences to chouse.

’Tis base a bribe to finger,

But wise to turn a coat—

Then come where the moonbeams linger,
And let me book your vote.

AN AUTHORITY.

“And so, Mr. Frizzelind, you think I ought to have my Hair washed
Yellow! And pray, why?”

“ Well, Ma’am (if you ’ll excuse me for saying so), Black Hair is never
Admitted into really Good Societ? now, you know

Only Too Solvent.

Mr. Thomas Hughes says that one of the character-
istics of the House of Commons is the “ excessive sol-
vency ” of the Members. The Election Committees agree
with him.

POSTERITY AND COAL.

Mr. Punch,

You know that Professor Porson once, coming home drunk,
and trying in vain to light his bed-candle at the foot of the stairs, was
overheard to execrate the nature of things.

Professor Porson was accustomed to use unparliamentary lan-
guage. The result, however, of meditation on a passage in Mr. Mill’s
great speech delivered in the course of the late Debate, had nearly the
effect of landing me in a conclusion very much like that implied in the
Professor’s malediction on the nature of things.

According to Mr. Jevons, as quoted by Mr Mill, posterity, at no
distant date, is likely to be hard up for Wall’s Eud, and all other des-
criptions of that inestimable mineral, coal. The consequence will be
the transference of steam, and with it of English manufacturing industry,
and England’s wealth and greatness, to lands still abounding in coal.

Mr. Mill said what amounted to saying that we owe posterity a
debt which we contracted with priority ; that is to say, we are debtors
to posterity for Shakspeare, Wordsworth, and other great men;
also, that we owe posterity the reduction of the National Debt, which
priority ran up and bequeathed to ourselves. And he argued that we
ought to set to work at reducing the National Debt for posterity the
rather that posterity is grievously likely to have no coal wherewithal to
bless itself by making money as we do.

If posterity want coal, shall posterity be ungrateful ? A punster
would perhaps at once answer yes. But we should insure the gratitude
of posterity if we could provide it with coal, more effectually than we
could by reducing the National Debt.

Why could we not lay in a stock of coal for posterity by importing
no end of it from our American possessions, whilst they remain ours,
and before they get independent or annexed to Yankeedoodledom ?

Because the foundation of magazines of force for posterity, by im-
porting coal, would necessitate the expenditure of a corresponding
amount of force, which we are unable to create, and cannot afford to
buy. The impossibility of the creation of force lies in the nature of

things; which, accordingly, I was tempted to object to, like Professor
Porson. Excuse the comparison.

But, on some reflection upon the nature of things, I began to think
that it would, perhaps, whatever may be the state of posterity, prove
equal to the occasion. It will possibly afford posterity some substitute
for coal. It has given us electricity and some other things which
priority never dreamt of. In spite, therefore, of the high authority of
Porson, the nature of things appears to be, on the whole, entitled to
the confidence of Carpe Diem.

P.S. Especially with regard to posterity.

LITERARY REVIEWS.

With the present mild spring new novels are budding into life.
Some are already full blown. Lest authors should think them-
selves neglected by us, we will make it our immediate business and
pleasure at once to cast our impartial eye over the reams of Romance
which lie before us.

A Casual Acquaintance is of course the life and doings of Mr.
Greenwood, the amateur casual. This ought to have been published
by Ward and Lock.

Sweet Counsel, the struggles of a briefless barrister who is much run
after by young ladies. The scene where he dashes his wig is finely drawn.

Jenny Bell may be called a Story of the Ring. It is nice Sunday
reading, and cannot fail in edifying the more serious portion of the
community.

The Lady's Smile will naturally be followed by The Lady's Frown.
We shall defer our opinion.

Bradshaw's Guide for the current month. Fresh, racy, and full of
varied incident, we predict for this little book a great success.

Our Banker's Book. We have not yet had the courage to examine
this formidable looking volume, or to open the letter which accom-
panies it. We will say nothing more about books for the present.