Punch: Punch (50.1866)

March 10, 1866.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

103

SAD WANT OF SURGEONS IN THE ARMY.

ear Header, The Re-
port of the Committee
appointed to inquire
into the alleged griev-
ances of medical offi-
cers in Her Majesty’s
military and naval ser-
vice, has, in so far as
it concerns Army Sur-

!eons, just appeared,
ts appearance has ne-
cessitated the pub-
lication of the follow-
ing announcement:—

WANTED for Ser-
*' vice in the Bri-
tish Army, a number
of highly accomplished
young Surgeons, pos-
sessing not only first-
rate professional at-
tainments, but also the
advantage of a good
general education, and Not Proud. They are required to be Fellows of
the Royal College oe Surgeons, and also to have obtained an English
Physician’s Degree. With the breeding, habits, and manners of
gentlemen, they must combine a submissive temper, so as to be able to
stand any extent of Snubbing that may be inflicted on them by
Combatant Ofeicers, and, under occasional circumstances, to Clean
Boots. They must be willing to occupy a Side-table at Mess, and
ready to jump up and Carry Plates at call. When unavoidably
summoned to take part in any Court Martial or other Board of
Inquiry whereat their assistance is absolutely necessary, and whereon
Combatant Officers are Sitting, They must be Content to Stand.
None need apply that have any objection to endure any indignity.
They must be prepared to accept and wear, without remonstrance, Any
Uniform that may be assigned to them, however Grotesque, as the
discipline of the Army requires that they should be rendered sufficiently
ridiculous to distinguish them from Combatant Officers. It will also be
requisite for them to acquiesce in the Regulation which Denies
those of them who chance to die the usual Military Honours at their
Interment, even in those cases wherein the deceased Surgeons have
died operating under fire. N.B. A slight increase of Pay. For further
particulars inquire at the Tatters and Starvation Club, the Horse
Guards, and the War Office.

WHAT LORD RUSSELL MAY BE SAYING.

“ Rest and be thankful ”—

Ay, a whole bank full,

Silver and gold would I give;

To buy peace and quiet,

To shun Reform riot,

And far from the Treasury live.

“ Rating or rental ”—

Pity my mental

Doubt, and dilemma, and care;

By deputations,

By delegations,

Schooled in this Downing Street chair.

“ Rental or rating”—

Solid heads stating

Claims of their class without clamour ;
Forging and blasting.

Chasing and casting,

Deft men with chisel and hammer.

Wish to see figures P
Cattle-plague, niggers,

Fenians lie on the table ;

Startling in one sense,

Showing the nonsense
Talked about votes by the able.

Bright’s speeches heeding—
Voice, too misleading—
Hatched we a sweet little Bill;
Six and ten-poundered.

Sure to have foundered,
Ground into powder by Mill.

Late, but not too late,

Gladstone, my chief mate.

Laid Number Two on the anvil;
Northbrooke and Romilly,

Get up your homily,

Halifax, would you help Granville ?

Abgyll cannot alter,

Nor Clarendon falter,

Earl with two titles be ready ;

Somerset back me.

If Derby attack me—

Stanley of Alderley, steady.

Gladstone, my main force,

Goschen, my spare horse,

Layard, and Gibson, and Grey,
Eorster and Cardwell,

Stansfeld—all guard well
The bantling—the Twelfth is the day.

Franchise—the Borough ?—

Measure is thorough,

Welcome to friends of safe progress ;
Franchise—the County ?—

Reform for her bounty
May get abused as an Ogress.

Redistribution ?

Bismarck the Prussian
Might be an adequate man ;

South to be blooded,

North to be flooded.

Balance the scales if you can.

Clay’s plan, and PIare’s plan,

Take them, 0 working man,

Take them to Beales and to Odgers ;
One thing I will do,

Slip in a clause or two,

Giving the franchise to lodgers.

Bill when debated,

House animated,

Benches with friends will be full;

Lowe scan it kindly,

Roebuck don’t blindly
Rush at it just like a bull.

Bright, my chief orator,

Bravely speak for it, or
Greatly I’m erring about you;

And, ah ! Edward Hobsman,

Come down in force, man,

Mill, Gathorne Hardy can’t rout you.

Bill when it’s printed—

Have I this hinted ?

Won’t suit the standstills or Tories;
Hark 1 the old chorus,

Sires heard before us—

England, farewell to thy glories.

No, it will strengthen,

Ay, and will lengthen,

England and England’s prosperity;

Bind us, unite us.

Raise us, and right us.

True People’s Charter, in verity.

Carried, at hay-time
(No, not by May-time),

Hansom, ho ! come from the rank full:
Richmond, relieve me,

Richmond, receive me.

Once more to “ rest and be thankful.”

Thought by an Indifferentist.

In cold weather I incline to the religion of Zoroaster, and worship
perpetual fire. My tailor’s Christmas account having just been sent in,
my thoughts are turned in the direction of Vesta. Very few London
servants would have been capable of serving in her temple, if keeping
up the sacred fire by night and day was the condition of their engage-
ment. I don’t recollect one housemaid who would have been among
the Vestals.