Punch (58.1870)

HO

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 9, 1370.

DELIGHTS OF THE CHACE.

Hunting Man {who has mounted his friend, M'Gilpen, from London). " Keep her Head Straight. She's as likely as not to
Eefuse this, if-" [M'Qilpen, from the, depths of his soul {not a gate to be seen) hopes she will!

PUNCH'S POLICE REPORT.

the ruling passion.

An old offender, apparently advanced in years, small in stature, and
rather shabby in dress, bat of respectable exterior, who gave the name
of John Russell, was brought up before Mr. Punch, charged with
writing letters calculated to provoke a breach of the peace.

Eorster (W. E.) was called in support of the charge.

He said there had long been a great deal of trouble and disturbance
on his beat, owing to an old quarrel between two neighbours, of the
names of Church and Chapel; that both had large and ill-brought-up
families—ragged, dirty, thieving little rascals, who were allowed to
play in the gutters, and pilfer, and practise pitch-and-toss, and use bad
language to that degree that they were quite a nuisance to the neigh-
bourhood.

The Magistrate asked why the children were not sent to school ?

Eorster explained that, in consequence of the bad blood between
Church and Chapel, neither would allow his children to attend the
school where the others' children went; and that this was one of the
chief causes of the rows between the two. He had been directed by
his superior officers to see if he couldn't put a stop to these quarrels,
and get the children put to school. The prisoner Russell had formerly
taken much interest in the matter, and had written a letter suggesting
a way of arranging the school difficulty, which seemed to him (Eorster)
an excellent one. He had lately proposed it to both Church and
Chapel, when both seemed satisfied, aud agreed that their children
should be put to the same school, and be properly taught and taken care
of, so that he really thought the troubles between the two households
were at an end. But one morning, last week, he found Church and
Chapel cuffing each other, and calling each other names as bad as ever.
He found that some of Chapel's friends had been working on him not
to make it up with Church. But, besides that, he found the prisoner—
who was looked upon as a very clever fellow by a good many people in
the neighbourhood—had been writing a letter to Chapel, telling him
if he were Chapel he wouldn't stand Church's cheek, and that it would
be better the children should go without schooling another twelvemonth
than be put to school in the way he (Eorster) had proposed. As the
plan he had proposed was Russell's own, naturally, he (Forster)
felt very much taken aback. Had no doubt, expressed his feelings to
that effect and thought anybody would, under the circumstances. Had
heard it said that Russell wanted to keep the neighbourhood in hot
water, that he might bring his own name before the public. Must say
he (Forster) did not believe this. Russell was rather a fussy, meddle-

some person, but he believed he meant well. It was an unfortunate
way he had. He (Russell) never could be made to understand how
much mischief he might do by thrusting himself into family quarrels.
He had all his life been in the habit of writing letters of this kind,
and had set people by the ears again and again, and got into trouble
himself through them. The Commissioners did not press for a heavy
punishment. They believed a reprimand would be sufficient, and a
caution not to do it again.

The worthy Magistrate observed to the prisoner that he was old
enough to know better; and that it was a wonder he had not been
taught, by his many previous warnings, the harm likely to be done by
his mischievous trick of writing aggravating letters.

The Prisoner said he had always meant everything for the best,
including all the letters he had ever written.

The worthy Magistrate observed, that it good intentions were
accepted as a plea, a vast deal of the greatest mischief in the world
would go unpunished. He would bind the prisoner over in two sub-
stantial securities to keep the peace, with his pen, for the rest of his
natural fife.

WAITING AN ANSWER.

Mr. Punch,

L am bewildered, lost. Perhaps you can guide me out of the
wood. What is " a time-table conscience-clause " ? Js it a machine,
or an instrument, or a document ? Can it be bought ? Where can it
be seen and consulted P Is it a patent invention, and costly, and for
how long is it warranted to act? And can anybody procure it whose
conscience is out of order, and wants regulating ? These new-fangled
terms are most perplexing to old-fashioned folks like myself; and any
clue that you can give me to the meaning of my present educational
puzzle will be thankfully taken hold of by a „ qLT) porEY

Justice for Justice.

A contemporary states that the Pope's pedigree has lately been
examined, and that his Holiness is shown to be of Hebrew descent.
This, were the story true, would certainly add to the (Ecumenicalism
of the Councd, besides strengthening his connection with a certain
Peter. But we believe the good old pastor to be a real Christian,
and if we complain of him, it is because he will not let his Council do
a Protestant the same justice. Why were the bishops allowed to hoot
down the men who protested in our behalf?