Punch (58.1870)

Mat 21, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

199

HYPERCRITICAL.

Stumpy Artist. " "What do you Think of the Show ? "

LongDitto forte'). "The People you mean? Well, I was thinking

they Look an uncommon Seedy Lot, for the first Day-"

[" Marry come up I" thought the old lady on the left, with the two beautiful

ginger-haired daughters.

THE BUNG AND THE BOKOUGH.

(A Lamentation.)

The times is gettin wus and was,

For bisnis, in respect to Bung ;
No more not what they was for ns

In them there days when I was young.
Lor' what a difference in the Trade,

'Ow many thousands for the bad,
Them there Election laws has made

Now from since when I was a lad!

The church-bells rang in sign of joy,

'Cause why the candidates come down;
I well remember, as a boy,

'Twas like a windfall to the town.
Gay flags from hall the steeples flew,

And bands of music played about,
And meanwhile hevery Public drew

No hend o' gin and hale and stout.

Blue or buff colours wore each soul,

'Amost, as ever you could meet,
There was poshayses to the Poll,

And hevery sort o' standin' treat.
Live and let live was then the word,

And with your neighbour part your store,
But different ways is now preferred ;

And we shan't see sitch days no more.

That Bribery Hact is so sewere,

That in his skin a cove may quake,
A ten-pun note, a pot o' beer,

'Tis fine and quod, and no mistake !
And whether gentlefolks or no,

It isn't of the least avail;
Upon conwiction off you go,

As sure as eggs is eggs, to gaol.

And when this 'ere new Bill do pass,

What 'Artinton 'as got in 'and,
'Twill prove a reg'lar coody grass ;

That's werry plain to understand.
No nomination days, nor not

Committee rooms in Pubs no more,
And polling checks to show you've got;

So can't be drunk as 'eretofore.

A Bar-Relief.—An Abolished Turnpike.

PUZZLED TO DEATH.

A quiet old English gentleman came across the following item of
news in his Sunday paper :—

" It is stated that the Queen has granted the Dean of Winchester a dis-
pensation from all attendances at the Cathedral, on account of his advanced
age."

After deep consideration he came to the conclusion, that Her
Majesty must be acting for the Pope. " He's the only person who
grants dispensations," he said to his doctor, who happened to look in.
" I beg your pardon," replied his medical adviser, " That's a common
error. Haven't I a Dispensary in the village ? "

The poor gentleman retired to his room, and has not been seen since.

" The. Master hath Spoken."

" Miss Marie Wilton intends to retire from the stage," states a
contemporary. Of course she does—at the end of each performance,
and after the enthusiastic " call," in her case a custom which Mr. Punch
(usually hostile to such demonstrations) heartily approves. Why
should she remain when the play is over ? But that is the only retire-
ment, on the part of Mrs. Bancroft, of which Mr. Punch will hear a
word for many a long year—to be rendered shorter by delightful
evenings contrived for him by that lady and Mr. Robertson.

The Educational Question.

Apropos of the "Religious difficulty" the managers and publishers
®{ Br ads flaw's Railway Guide are delighted at hearing that there is a
fair prospect of a " Time Table " being introduced into all schools as a
solution of the religions difficulty.

A CRYING NUISANCE.

Literature is a good thing, and so is exercise of lungs ; but some-
times, when combined, they are productive of a nuisance. This, the
hawking of cheap newspapers by loud-voiced little boys, has recently
become. One can hardly walk a step without being half deafened by
the bawling of these brats. No sooner have you put your foot beyond
your doorstep, than the Penny 'Olborn Times is dinned into your ear,
followed in few moments by the ' Apenny Smiffel News, or the
Farthing Strand Gazette. Almost every parish has its local "organ," and
this, when shouted out by small boys, is pretty much as great a
nuisance as a barrel one. On a Sunday morning, too, when after six
days' row and rattle, one sighs to be at peace, in certain "quiet
streets " the weekly newspapers are cried, and the bellowing of their
names is as much a crying nuisance as that of " Cree-eeses !" or
" Fine awringe ! " later in the day.

" More than Echoes Talk Along the Walls."

The Echo that " answered in the affirmative " has long been histo-
rical. But its fame will be rivalled by as extraordinary a response
which was given, the other day, in the Home Office. Some strong-
minded ladies came to Mr. Bruce to ask for the repeal of a very useful
police law. One of them assailed Mr. Bruce with the dreadful words,
" I bring you a message from the men of Kent. They have not for-
gotten their countryman, Wat Tyler ! " " What Nonsense!" was
Echo's prompt but uncivil rejoinder.

Song for the Burglar to his " Pal " who " Peached."—
" Never again with you Bobbin'."