Punch (58.1870)

242

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 18 1870.

REAL ENJOYMENT.

THE HORSE SHOW.

eing told you must go
early, you are there by
eleven o'clock. New to
Islington: difficulty in
finding the Agricultural.
Shilling at the entrance.
Shops on either side of the
passage; exhibiting chiefly
squeaking-dolls and pop-
guns. Hope it's not going
to be like a fair witu
niggers, and merry-go-
rounders, and fat girls

dropping her fan between her seat and mine.
Man behind me with a party, which he keeps
turning from one side to the other to address,
purs his knees into my chair-back. Hunters
come in. Big man jumps up, "Hullo, there's
Tom Rigby ! " Friend says, " So it is ! " Big
man jumps up again, nearly knockiug off my
bat, "There's Old Dick Mason!" Another
minute after, " Why, there's John Dyke !" as if
he hadn't expected to see him. He knows nobody
without a Christian name. He poiuts out Sir
Watkin Wynn, Lord Coventry, and Lord
Fitzhardinge. I try to point, theseout to the old
lady, but confuse them. Horses going perpetually
round and round make one as bilious as that head-
acliing game, the" wheel of life," where little
black and red figures rotate monotonously.
Great number of Parsons here : all withLadies.
Approach the Hall itself. ; « Ladies to right, of them : Ladies to left of them.
Strong smell of Astley s j Tjp comes tue Curate." Old gentleman (with
—tepid: more,perhaps,as tue party) behind me, stands suddenly up and
if some enterprising spe- j stret,ches over me. " Hallo, Simpson ! " he cries
culator had been forcing : oyit to a clergyman below. Simpson looks up,
an enormous quantity of | anci nods cheerfully. He is evidently taking
mushrooms. All sorts of: a holiday. The old gentleman goes on, wag-
people about, more or less ! ^hly, » Where's your wife ? " Simpson
horsey in appearance, i b]asaes down to his white tie, smiles feebly,
Hough ostlers, brooms ! and passes on ^he Ladies with the various
in various stages of clergymen are asking them their opinions on the
undress. Contradictory horses, which they give with great satisfaction to
labels up befoie you, ai*- themselves. Jumping begins. More heat. More
nouncing the way( to the j excitement. Big Lady says to her daughter,
Lavatory for a Vvash niece> or companion, " If there's an accident,
and Brush-up, indicating L shali faint» Cheering. Leaps. Jumps,
the right hand; Ihis Accident or two. Jeers. Cheers. Hotter and
way to the Lavatory on hotter. Struggle out, of seat at six o'clock. Shins
another placard close by ; hurt Coat covered wiih dust, 'trousers with

white marks; where they came from you can't
find out. Hat's got, somehow, mysteriously
brushed the wrong way, and thickly coated
with the dust peculiar to circuses. Stagger
through crowd into open air. No cabs. Omni-
buses full. Water-carts been sufficiently au
work to make it muddy where it isn't horribly
dusty. Walk greater part of way home, as none
of the 'busses you try to take, appear to be "going
your way." Have walked so far, not worth
'bussing or cabbing it now. Very tired. Head-
ache. Loss of appetite. Late for dinner.
Bilious to-morrow. Real enjoyment! National
show.

it, with an index-hand

pointing towards the left. " This way to the Gents' Lavatory," says a third card, which
you have some difficulty in reading, owing to its having swung from the horizontal into the
perpendicular, and its index-finger being now pointed towards the ground; as much as to
hint that, if you dug deep enough, you might come upon the "Gents' Lavatory" in some
mid region of underground earth, only familiar to us in connection with the first scenes
of pantomimes, and sensational pictures of a coal-mine. Horses' stalls all the way down.
Refreshment-stalls chiefly remarkable for brilliant glass and fair Peris, at a distance, and for
dry sandwiches, yesterday's spongecakes, fairly iced claret-cup, and got-up barmaids, with
disillusioning hands and perky manners when you come close, and tempt such goods as the
goddesses provide. Walk round. Inspect, horses. Get in groom's way. Beg pardon of
a man with a pail, who nearly knocks you over. Listen to conversation between groom
and stud-groom. Give it up. Inspect more horses. Inspect ponies. Wonder which you'd
choose for yourself. Peel dusty and hot. Try refreshment-stall. Ask wheu anything's
going on? Nobody knows. See small line of crowd round circus. Horses with numbers on
their breast-plates are ridden round. Boy offers Catalogue. Buy it. Join crowd by circus.
Horse in circus takes to kicking the partition. Leave crowd inconsequence. Horse being
ridiien from circus to stable, or from stable to circus, also takes to kicking. Get out of his way
by backing on the crowd. Horse, at same time, in circus rears and frightens other horses,
which back on to the crowd, and against me. Every one, horses included, seems to be back-
ing and kicking and plunging. Decide upon reserved seats. Five shillings. Ask when any-
thing's going to begin ? Nobody knows. Stall-keeper doesn't know. Get a reserved seat;
and sit in front, where one can see the Prince and Princess of Wales—when they come.
Their seats are all arranged. Crowd increasing. Capital position, if you could only stretch
your legs, or get up comfortably, or do anything except sit as if you'd been hammered in to
the place where the chair is, and had stuck there. Foresee difficulties when the seats are
all filled. More circus work. Exhibition of stallions careering. Exhibition of harness
horses in carriages. As you can'r, hear the wheels or the hoofs, the effect is uncommonly
dull. One result of looking at, all this, for an hour and a half, is to cause hunger. If I leave
the seat,, shall I regain it ? Certainly, man says, if numbered. Doubt as to which refresh-
ment stall to go to ; or whether it isn't better to try a dinner at 2s. Qd. Too hot for dinner

at 2*. Gg?. Take claret cup iced, and dry sandwiches, topping up with sponge cake, and a J oh, no: not killed! {with feeling.) He ought
piece de resistance in the shape of a Bath bun. Wonder who invented Bath Buns? Was it j to wear spurs, oughtn't he, uncle ? Oh! Oh!
a man in a Bath who wanted a bun? or a Baker at Bath? Think I'd better go back to! Look! The horse has fallen—the rider. Did
seat. Very full by now. Much hotter. Much dustier. Much more mushroomy. Join j he come down with him, or on him? No?
crowd by circus. Wish there was a baud, or a clown. Go back to reserved seats.
Altercation with elderly stout, lady and daughter. My seat. No ; her number. No. Reference
to stall-keeper. Compromise. T take one lower down. More directly opposite H.R.H. I
remark to a neighbour that this is luck. He says, Why ? H.R H's aren't coming.
Ask (as he appears to be well informed) when anything is soing to happen? (By this/
mean jumps with probable accidents and excitement). He replies, about four o'clock.
It is just two. Wish more than ever there was a clown, or a band. More people.
More badly dressed ladies than 1 've ever seen anywhere. Am seated over several foreigners,
who have come here by mistake, thinking it is a part of the Derby. Am hungry again.
I oresee dyspepsia, after Rath buns. Reserved seats lull now. More altercation. Apparently ,

I've got every one's seat. Hotter and hotter. Ladies talk of fainting in the back seats, | all, it is but one of our modes of amusing ourselves.
so that 1 may hear them and offer them mine in front. No. Big mau on my right. Big und affords— (though, every one owns if, to be dull
woman on my lett. A.m j*mined in. Big man keeps jumping up, and recognising other big and monotonous, and admits that an hour of it U
nen below. He is an habitue, and knows the horses and their riders. Big woman keeps as much as one can stand)—Real Enjoyment

Real Enjoyment for the Groom.—Mount a horse.
Ride it round, if it will go round. Jump it over
a hurdle, if it junip over a hurdle. Be
laughed at if it refuses. Try it again ; laughed
at again. Blank the brute. Horse takes it sud-
denly. Groom doesn't. Groom disappears
head-over-heels, and over the partition among
the people. Carried back by several men. Unfit
to do anything for weeks. Real enjoyment!'
True British sport!

Real Enjoyment for the Ladies.—Horse ; beau-
tiful creature! Pretty creature! Rears! Oh,
he's off! No. Ah! Ladies nearly faint. So
exciting. Will they leap the brook ? So elad.
What fun. Some will '' come croppers." What
fun. Do you think they were hurt ? Not killed t

Wasn't, that clever ? Ob, look ! that, chestnut
tried to leap right over the partition, and
struck at somebody. How the people rush
away from it! If one of them did run away,
what a sight if, would be! I'm so glad we're'
in reserved seats, SfC, 8fc. [N.B. This, for
English Ladies, must be the nearest approach to
the ferociously uvf&minine excitement of a Spanish
Bull-fight. But it's only a show to keep up and
improve the best breeds of......animals. After

r,