Punch (63.1872)

130

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 28, 1872.

PLAIN SPEAKING.

Aunt. " Well, Baby, can you Speak more Distinctly than when we la.st Met?''
Elder Brother. '* 0, yes, indeed, Aunt! He can call a Spade a Spade.'"

Wal, now we've gained our cause, and the Award.
I guess we can't act nohow but accord.
It is A triumph; that's a fact: but still,
They have considerably taxed our bill.

Three millions and a quarter. Come, I say.
We axed three hundred millions t' other day.
And, if we had got half of that air sum,
Of Arbitration somethin' would have come.

John Bull ! What's that amount to that old Hoss ?
Ourselves won't feel the gain, nor he the loss.
Our claims cut down as close as madmen's hair,
I guess we shan't make much by that affair.

JONATHAN'S JUDGMENT. BRIDGE'S TRIGGERNOMETRY

{Latest Edition.)

"To go about armed with pistols, for the purpose, or pretended
purpose, of fighting a duel, renders offenders rogues and vagabonds."
So, and most properly, said Me. Bridge, Hammersmith Beak; and
by way of giving a lively colour to his remark, he sent a couple of
Frenchmen, MM. MoiSE and Yink, who had been quarrelling about
their " honour," to prison for fourteen days with hard labour.
Parisian journal-, please copy, if the Editors understand sufficient
English to translate. How Jules, Alphonse, and Yicioii will
scowl and sputter at the news, over their halfpenny cigars and
dominoes, in their cafe ! English duelling was really killed on the
day the barber winged the linendraper's apprentice—we, of course,
forget the names. The "hard labour" will be the fatal warning
for our foreign visitors. Still, it is hetter to pick hemp than to
have hemp picked for you by le Sieur Galcraft, " Monsieur de
London."

Bound if we have to be by our own rules,
We shall have made ourselves tarnation fools
When we air called on to, in arter years,
Keep filibusters back, and privateers.

But then we may repudiate the cuss ;
Not do what we'd have done, but the revuss.
Meanwhile together in a Lovin' Cup,
Columbiar and Britanniar liquors up.

Two Sides of the Shield.

Under the above title Mr. Hamilton N. Hoare, in a letter to the
Times of Sept. 18th, enters into a controversy about the first ascent
of Mount Colon. Mr. Hoare claims the honour of the first ascent
for himself and another gentleman. As far as we can see, some one
in going up Mount Colon came to a full stop ; so, for the future, we
shall name it Hoare's Bank, so that whenever the artistic traveller
comes to a check, he can sit down and draw upon it.

Traveller by Coach.

There is a certain Act, the which right through
Be driven a coach-and-six, thank goodness, can.

What is that permeable Act, and who
To permeate it, think you, is the man ?

That Act's the Licensing Act. 0, what fun !

A great success, if riots framed to stir.
The man is you, or I, or anyone;

To wit, a bond fide traveller.

prize riddle.

Why would a Novel written by Charles Reade and any other
fellow be like pitch ?

Because it would be Bi-tu-men.