Punch (63.1872)

264

[December 21, 1872.

ELASTIC BANDS.

ertainly the present
time may be called the
Age of India-rubber.
The enormous quantity
of that material which
hascome into use, brought
continually under notice
in a variety of shapes,
has perhaps suggested a
metaphorical expression
of recent invention, but
very frequent occur-
rence in Parliament out-
of-Session verbiage, and
leading prose. It has
become fashionable to
speak of certain enact-
ments, regulations, and
systems, political, reli-
gious and other, as " elas-
tic," and to laud them
as having the advantage
of " elasticity." That
means, that, like caout-
chouc, they can be made to stretch and contract, as it were, and so
be adapted to circumstances. In elasticity there is, in many cases,
something which exhibits no small affinity to humbug.

One notable example of an elastic measure is the Licensing Act of
last Session, which has placed the adult population of this country
under restrictions of a nature like those which had previously only
regulated nurseries and schools. But that paternal statute undoubt-
edly has the merit of a certain elasticity. This property, however,
enables it to be worked practically in two opposite ways. Magis-
trates can either relax its provisions so as to make them press with
comparative ease upon people, or they can so stretch them as to
make them press with insufferable rigour.

That an Act intended to prevent tightness should itself be drawn
tight appears to have been the opinion of some country justices.
They have, in fact, drawn it as tight as they could, and thereby
caused riots at Ashton and other places.

There are circumstances in which riots, nay, insurrections, if
not commendable, have been wont to be commended in this
kingdom, whose subjects, heretofore, were, or if they were not,
strove to be, free. Encroachments on freedom of personal inclina-
tions and habits, of the ordinary kind in respect of which grown
men were supposed capable of self-government, have ever been
regarded as tyrannies that more than justify rebellion. When
Rule Britannia used to be sung seriously, and the singers declared
that Britons never would be slaves, the sort of slavery, for one, they
meant to say that they would rise and reject by force, was precisely
such interference with their free agency as that which is wrought
by the Licensing Act.

But then the liberty in defence of which our forefathers thought
it right to mutiny, and worth while to fight and bleed, was a_liberty
invaded by Kings who claimed Divine right, or by a Legislature
under the domination of Parsons and 'Squires, cherishing pretty
much the same pretensions.

But the Licensing Act has been carried, in a Household Suffrage
Parliament, by a Liberal Ministry, at the instance of Teetotal agi-
tators and Dissenting Ministers; particularly Me. Dawson Burns
and Dr. Manning.

The riotous resistance, therefore, to its enforcement by Magistrates
with what harshness soever no matter, is highly reprehensible. It
may be, however, for their Worships to consider whether they had
not better not render the popular leading-strings of the Licensing
Act a little less unpopular by drawing them somewhat less tight,
and rendering them, in virtue of their elasticity, less rigid.

PLACES AND PENSIONS.

The commendation of a Government whose first consideration is
pecuniary saving would have been earned by a subordinate making
the remark addressed to his superiors by the official undermentioned
in an extract from a newspaper :—

"The Insurance of Longevity. — The Prussian Provisional Govern-
ment at Erfurt recently charged one of the officials to report on a petition for
an increase of the pensions of teachers' widows. According to the Schulzeitung
the reporter said—It is a matter for serious consideration that an increase of
the pensions would result in an increase in the duration of life of the widows
in question."

The widows of teachers in the Prussian public service are not the
only people of whose lives a prolongation is apt to result from an

increase of pensions insufficient to live upon. Dockyard Labourers
past work, and their relicts likewise, if there are any, pensioned off
by the Government which we rejoice under, would very probably
live considerably longer than they are now likely to, if their pen-
sions were doubled or trebled. Enough, however, is as good as a
feast; and there is no reason to suppose that the years of our popular
Premier and our careful Chancellor op the Exchequer would
derive any material addition from any augmentation Her Majesty
may be advised to make to the retiring pensions which neither
Mr. Gladstone nor Mr. Lowe have as yet declared their intention
to renounce one of these days for themselves.

Some people plead that they must live, and others, who do not see
the_ necessity, so urged, are not only not incapable of seeing it in
their own case, but discern it, and very much more than it, or what
it amounts to, with remarkable distinctness when they contemplate
that case. But what would become of us if the existence of
Government's superannuated workmen and their widows generally
were, by the allotment of pensions adequate to their wants, pro-
tracted to the average longevity of Deans, and ex-upper Servants
of the Crown!

ONSLOW ON CASTRO.

Last week being that of the Cattle Show, and an extraordinary
number of beef-headed gentlemen, whose talk is of oxen, in Town,
a demonstration on behalf of the Castro Defence Fund was got up at
St. James's Hall. _ Mr. Whalley addressed the assembled yokels
with his usual wisdom; so likewise did Mr. Guilford Onslow,
M.P. ; and the latter gentleman said something remarkable, to wit,
with reference to Mr. Castro, that:—

" If he was the right man, he was the best-abused man, the most cruelly-
abused man, in the world ; and if he were an impostor, he deserved to be
acquitted, because he had proved himself the cleverest man out."

This observation was received with "laughter and cheers" by an
audience which must have consisted of rogues as well as of boobies.
Except rogues, what manner of men could those be who applauded
the idea that an impostor, having proved himself the cleverest man
out, deserved on that account to be acquitted ? Any but rogues
must surely think that the cleverest man, being an impostor, and
out, is, of all impostors, the one that ought, instead of being out, to
be in. Mr. Onslow, of course, in speaking as above, did not seri-
ously mean what he said. He merely talked nonsense to make thf
boobies laugh, and not to tickle the rogues. Doubtless he believes
Castro to be as honest as clever ; a clever honest man, and not a
clever impostor, and otherwise a dunce. " The cleverest man out"
is an elegant phrase. Perhaps Mr. Onslow picked it up from
Mr. Castro himself, or from the high class of society wherein that
gentleman has been accustomed to move, and to which his sympa-
thisers are, with a few exceptions which prove a rule, confined.

TRULY LIBERAL POLICY.

A Pleasant paragraph in a newspaper has now, in these days of
strikes, seditious demonstrations, reports of United Kingdom Alli-
ance meetings, prose about education, and twaddle of Parliament
out of Session on the Stump, become a rarity. But here is one :—

" The London Postmen.—The Postmen who refused the stripes offered
by Mr. Monsbll, have accepted them, each stripe carrying an increase of
sixpence per week to the salary, and threepence per week to the retiring
pension. About 210 men will obtain stripes."

When stripes are made to carry sixpences, they are no longer
decorations to be despised by sensible men; and prospective three-
pences in the event of superannuation, increase proportionally the
value at which they are rated. Consideration has been wisely shown
for the reasonable demands of a meritorious class of public servants
who, in the importance of their duties, nearly equal Policemen, and
in their deserts quite. Mr. Monsell is to be very much applauded
for what he has done towards redeeming his department, at least,
from the charge of that short-sighted parsimony which cynically
grinds down to the lowest possible terms the employed who are
expected to be trustworthy. Let us also congratulate the superior
colleagues of the Postmaster-General on having allowed that
Right Honourable Gentleman to behave towards the Postmen with
a liberality which, though it add kicks to stripes, will doubtless
prove economical in the end.

Shakspearian Address to Haughty Aristocrats.

( Writ over a Republican's Door.)

" Within this roof
The enemy of all your Graces lives."

As You Like It, Act ii. sc.