Punch (65.1873)

196 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 15, 1873.

A TURK!

The Colonel. “ As for what they call ‘ Intellect,' and that sort of Thing, why, what I say is, the Less of it in a
Woman the better, my Boy ! ”

Little TomJcyns. “ Mr Sentiments to a T, Sir ! Intellect, indeed ! As for me, I ’ve always looked upon Woman as a
mere Tor!”

A WARNING AND A WARMING-PAN.

“ Now, pray, my worthy Madame France, your bed pray let us
warm;

Believe me, if it isn’t done, you ’ll come to grievous harm :

With fever fits, hysterics, delirium, and the shakes—

Do let’s put in this warming-pan—now do, for all our sakes !

“ ’Tis the safest, easiest, Avarming-pan that ever yet was tried—

Of the hest old brass, set off with the face of a vieux moustache
outside,

And it’s warranted not to burn the bed, or smother you with its
sty the,

And ’twill make you sleep so sound all night, and awake so brisk
and blythe !

‘ ‘ There ivas another treatment that we doctors thought of late
Better suited for a patient in your alarming state—

A course of miraculous waters with Sels de Bourbon strong,

To repair the Constitutional shocks you’ve suffered from so long.

“ But the Enfant du Miracle of that spring, to our annoy,

Has by his right divine refused its waters to employ ;

And till that Child of Wonder bear its balm to give you rest,

We’ve concluded, of all substitutes, this warming-pan the best.”

“ But, really, my dear Doctors, I don’t feel what you dread—

This strong determination of blood towards the head.

Tout au contraire, I’m better of my nasty shooting pain,

Since Doctor Thiers relieved me of Bismarck on the brain.

‘ ‘ And I feel my circulation is ever so much more free

Since that discharge of yellow stuff, which bred such bile in me :

All I want is regular regimen, repose and quiet life,

To rid my body politic of evil humours rife.

‘ ‘ But as for this old warming-pan, mes chers Docteurs, I vow,

I always did hate warming-pans, and never more than now.

They ’re much more like to raise my pulse than to reduce its beat,
And to send the blood up to my head, than to allay its heat.

“ Besides, as it was I who made, and must lie in, the bed,

And as I am the mistress of the house, when all is said,

You surely will admit that I a right of choice have got,

Whether I must be sentenced to a warming-pan, or not.

“ Perhaps, as I was fool enough to let you be called in,

You may say, ‘ Patients’ rights expire when Doctors’ rules begin ; ’
And with that calm insistance that belongs to the M.D.,

Maintain, if you say warming-pan, it warming-pan must be.

“ But I too have my notion that M.D.’s are oft a chouse,

That a woman should be mistress inside of her own house :

And, patient as she is, may show impatience of the man
Who tells her, willy-nilly, she must swallow his warming-pan.

“ So, chers Docteurs, take my advice: don’t try mv temper more,
Lest I should take the liberty of showing you the door:

And if you thrust your warming-pan into my bed, I doubt,

I may take to insisting, moi-meme, and kick it out.”

—

A Good Time Coming.

It is understood that the most advanced section of the Ultra
Liberals, consisting of the advocates of social progress to the utmost
extent, and in particular to the extent of establishing the community
of property, contemplate holding a torchlight demonstration in
Trafalgar Square, to demand the Abolition of Purchase in its
universal sense, so as to be made applicable to commodities, in order
that all persons in want of any may be enabled to help themselves.