Punch (68.1875)

10 PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHAPIVAKI. [Januaky 2, 1875.

FIVE O’CLOCK TEA.”

Lady {to Relative from Australia). “Will you take any Refreshment, Cousin George?”

George. “Thanks, Bella. Don’t mind if I do. Give us a Handful o’ Tea and a Billy o’ Water, and I’ll Boil it,
WHILE YOU MAKE ME A DAMPER ! ”

LAMBETH CHRISTMAS PUDDING.

At this festive season, even Workhouse boards groan to the
unwonted tune of—

“ 0 the roast beef of Old England,

And 0 the Old English Plum-pudding ! ”

But the Lambeth Guardians are determined that the paupers shall
have no spice but the highly tonic one of pauperism in their Christ-
mas pudding this year. On the ingredients of the Workhouse
pudding being laid before the Guardians, one of the Board—(if the
Reader insists upon his name, “ chiefly that he may set it in his
prayers,” let us say Me. Skinflint)—took exception to the unbecom-
ing richness of that festive dish.

The list of ingredients, he pointed out, involved too much of some
good things, which may he granted to he indispensable even to a
workhouse pudding—in becomingly limited quantities—as flour, suet,
raisins, and baking-powder. Other good things were there—as cin-
namon, cloves, allspice, and citron—whose presence in a workhouse
i pudding, he maintained, was altogether an intrusion and an imper-
tinence.

The majority of the Board agreed with this stern Censor of even
| festal workhouse fare, and so the Lambeth Christmas pudding this
year will he minus not only those statelier and spicier condiments
mentioned above, hut even its tale—we had almost written “ stale ”

(icUU Le reduced from five hundred to two hundred.

So ’ as Dante says in his picture of another Inferno—

“ So it is willed, where will is law.”

j We can only regret that, as all good deeds should meet their
deserts, the Lambeth paupers are not allowed to convert the balance
of unused eggs into a testimonial to Me. Skinflint and the Guar-
dians who voted with him—after they have been kept a week longer.

Motto foe a Manager.—“ Ccetera decent.”

LORD HERTFORD’S UKASE.

{And Success to It.)

Since breeches-parts to such (short) lengths have gone,

Quoth my Loed Hertford, I intend to floor ’em;

Know that in future I ’ll allow of none
Save breeches—not of “in,” but—of de-corum.

I ’ll have no raw joints shown in the stage-shop—

That is, when I say “ raw “ undressed ” is my sense :

Their licence if the Managers don’t stop.

They ’ll find that I ’ll stop my Lord Chamberlain’s licence.

Nudity, in each stage, from stark I ban:

The ballet-girls shall dress, undress they shan't;

And for the dance—on Managers’ “ can-can,”

I ’ll come down with Lord Chamberlain’s “ can't, can't."

Once more upon the stage I’d kindle mind,

Put out, of late, by brainless impropriety ;

And in this Civil Service hope to find
The public my Co-operative Society.

A Real Blessing to Fathers.

A serial on sale at the Railway Bookstalls bears on its front page
the following announcement:—

“ Little Folks Enlarged without Increase of Expense.”

If this could actually be accomplished, what a blessing it would
be for Paterfamilias, particularly at the present festive season of
eating and drinking and growing bills for growing children.

Two Bates disliked by Dissenters.—Pew-rates and Cu-rates.