Punch (68.1875)

MakCH 13, 1875.1

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

109

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

rma virumque.—
“ Arms ana the
Serjeant - at.”
(Monday, March
ls£). —Among im-
pending probabi-
lities about the
remotest till lately
seemed to be that
the Speaker
should have to
commit any Hon-
ourable Member
tor misbehaviour,
or the House to
throw itself on the
arms of its Ser-
jeant for protec-
tion. But in these
days of Home-
Rule and House-
hold Suffrage —
with the example
of Tipperary and
Stoke-upon-Trent
staring us in the
face—it is as well
to be prepared for
the worst. The
faithful Commons
must feel comfort
in the assurance
that their chief
Executive Officer
is not likely to fail
of the suaviter in
modo, ©r to fall

short of the fortiter in re, should it be necesary to defend the
dignity of the House against assaults from without, or from
within. So Mr. Disraeli was not without full warrant for the
Ultra-Disraelitish solemnity with which he announced that
Her Majesty, as a gracious favour to her faithful Commons,
had been pleased to appoint, in lieu of Lord Charles Russell
—retired in a blaze of regards and regrets—Captain Gossett,
the esteemed, respected, and popular Deputy-Serjeant of thirty-
eight years’ standing—or, more strictly speaking—sitting. Captain Gossett has surely
earned his “ stripes” by this time—as fully as Lord Charles his good-service pension.
With the “ stars,” which the latter ought to be specially empowered to wear, Punch
would have united the “ stripes,” which he has so mercifully, yet so manfully, admin-
istered, whenever called on, throughout his long tenure of office.

Then the House settled itself to hear Sir M. H. Beach—Fagus indefa{ti)gabilis—
describe, with a little too much leafage, as a Beach’s verbiage may fairly be called, the
legal strait-waistcoat, by help whereof the Government hope to keep Irish tenants from blowing out
their landlords’ brains, and Irish factions, sects, and parties from breaking one another’s heads, for
the time being. In sum and substance, their proposal is to continue, with modifications, the Act
relating to the free possession of arms; to dispense with the Acts dealing with persons abroad at
night in specially proclaimed districts ; to allow the Act for the summary seizure and suppres-
sion of newspapers to expire (to be re-enacted if its repeal is abused); to maintain for two years
the Protection of Life and Property Act; and to renew the Acts against Unlawful Oaths.

The Opposition, by Lord Hartington, said ditto to the Government.

Mr. Shaw, Mr. Power, Mr. Ronayne, Lord Robert Montague, and Serjeant Sherlock, in the name of Ireland, protested against
Irishmen being treated like children. More’s the pity, says Punch, that Irishmen should behave like children, and that the necessity of
treating them as such should be proved by the fact that while the strait-waistcoat is kept hanging over her head—for to do her justice,
there is very seldom occasion to use it—our troublesome little Irish sister behaves herself, but, so soon as it is put into the closet, begins
kicking and biting and blunderbussing as viciously as ever.

The Home-Rulers could not keep up the talk against the truth longer than half-past eight, when they shut up, and the Bill was
read a Second Time nem.-con.

Tuesday.—Mr. Cross is able to reassure Mr. Neville-Grenville (who is uneasy on the subject), that the interments of illus-
trious dead in Westminster Abbey are not frequent enough to endanger the health of the Congregation or the stability of the
foundations. A Campo Santo, outside, would come too expensive. Besides, the Abbey is our Valhalla. Burial in an external cloister
would look like being left out in the cold—not half such “ snug lying ” there, as in the Abbey, to quote Sir Lucius O'Trigger.

Mr. Cross, in answer to a volley of interrogatories, administered a well-deserved wigging to Dr. Hardwick, for his outrageous viola-
tion of sense and decency in forcing an utterly uncalled-for inquest on the remains of Sir Charles Lyell. If this zeal according to
indiscretion were not quite exceptional, “it would become necessary to clip the wings of Coroners”—a sentiment the House ap-
plauded.

Mr. Fawcett rose, to move that it is undesirable that Little Hodge in the country should have less schooling than Little Gtttterblood
in the town. And so it is, and it is well that the House and England should feel it, and ponder it, and think hard how best to alter it.
En attendant, Lord Sandon pleads for time. The present Agricultural Education Act has only been in operation for eight months,
and it is too soon to be pulling up the blade to see how the grain is growing. No harm, all the same, in being a little anxious, con-
sidering how little Farmer Giles as a rule values education for Hodge’s lads, and how little Hodge himself knows of its value.
So, please Professor Fawcett, keep “ pegging away” at this great grave question, or we may have Arch and Agricultural Suffrage
down upon us, before our young masters have even learnt their letters—to say nothing of the old ones.

Wednesday.—A great House for Dr. Kenealy’s first appearance in his favourite character of the Injured Innocent, but he did not