Punch (68.1875)

January 9, 1875.]

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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OVER-WORKED.

Cousin Kate. “Are you coming to Skate with us To-morrow, Fred?”
Fred. “Well, I don’t know. Awfully busy just now. Have to be at
the Office about One—then there’s Luncheon at Two, and don’t get

AWAY TILL PAST THREE.”

THE SONG OF AMIENS: A CHRISTMAS
VERSION.

(As We Like It.)

Under the warm roof-tree
Who loves to sit with me,

And. list while Beauty’s throat
Mocks the piano’s note ?

Come hither, come hither, come hither:
Frost shall he see
No enemy

To fun—both friends together.

Who would chill weather shun,

When fog veils winter sun,

And from the freezing storm,

Take flight to quarters warm,

Come hither, come hither, come hither:
What though i’ the sky
Venus let fly

Adown her doves’ white feather ?

Who loves the coals to stir,

And raise thermometer,

Make roaring oak-logs glow,

Red curtains draw on snow—

Come hither, come hither, come hither:
With warmth, chat, and cheer,

Warm the new year—

Till who cares for cold weather !

A (Brazil) Nut to Crack.

Our imports from abroad are likely to receive a con-
siderable addition, although it may not appear in the
returns of the Board of Trade or affect the Chancellor
of the Exchequer’s surplus. The following telegram
has been received from Pernambuco :—

“ The Jesuits who have been banished will proceed to England
by the Neva to-morrow.”

What an interesting cargo to be landed on our shores 1
Happy England! the asylum and refuge of the exile
and outcast—soon, perhaps, to claim the choice distinc-
tion of being the only country in Europe where such
maligned innocents as Jesuit priests can pursue their
calling, without opposition, interruption, or interference.
The new year is indeed opening well for us!

WHAT IT MUST COME TO;

Or, The Railway Report for 1876.

Railway Department, St. Saviour's.

Sir, December 31s£, 1876.

According to the orders of the Commissioners of Police, I
have the honour to submit my Annual Report upon the Railways of
Great Britain and Ireland. I am glad to state that the putting into
force of the regulations sanctioned by Parliament in 1875 has been
followed by the most satisfactory results.

Accidents— Only one fatal collision has occurred during the past
year. The Directors and Managers of the Railway upon which the
accident happened, escaped with a very mild sentence—penal servi-
tude for life. It is necessary, however, that I should explain that
at the trial a plea of extenuating circumstances was successfully
maintained. The Judge, in passing sentence, after congratulating
the prisoners upon their escape from a verdict entailing a far more
serious punishment, carefully pointed out that the finding of the
Jury in this particular case must not be taken as a precedent by the
other Directors of Railways. His Lordship insisted that the respon-
sibility of conducting a Railway Company rested with those into
whose hands the State had placed the supreme authority. Since
the passing of the new Act the law could no longer tolerate criminal
carelessness and neglect.

Railway Punctuality. — Now that Station-masters, Engine-
drivers, and Guards have become liable to six months’ hard labour
for starting trains more than two minutes behind the time adver-
tised for their departure, the trains have been despatched with the
utmost regularity. The law has only been put in force twice during
the past year. In each case the full penalty was inflicted.

Excursions.—The new plan of making Directors travel in every
compartment of an excursion train is working admirably. The
Guards are now quite willing to remove any persons who may be
pointed out to them as reasonably obj ectionable to his fellow- travellers.

Goods Traffic.—Since the Railway Companies have been forced to
pay full compensation for any delay in the conveyance of coal, the
trade and the Public generally have had little cause for complaint.
The serious block that occurred at Sheffield in December, 1874, is
not likely to recur under the new system.

Civility of Officials.—Three Booking-clerks, during the past year,
have been convicted of insolence to travellers. As these were the
first cases under the new Act, the prisoners were only sentenced to
two months’ imprisonment.

Refreshments.—The compulsory introduction of the Continental
Buffet system has given great satisfaction to the Public. The
passenger traffic has been greatly increased by the alteration.

Railway Guide.—Since an official guide has been published under
the editorship of the Chief Clerk at Bow Street Police Court (who is
also Editor of the Police Gazette), passengers have found no diffi-
culty in ascertaining the proper times for the arrivals and departures
of town and country trains.

I have to add that all the recent improvements (insisted upon by
Parliament) have been introduced, and are now in full working
order.

The Act limiting the hours of labour of Railway Employes has
not once been infringed during the past year.

In conclusion I have the honour to report that the new system of
Police Patrolling both by day and by night has been strictly en-
forced, and has been found to have the desired effect of keeping all
the Railway Officials in good order and thoroughly on the alert.

I have the honour to be, Sir,

Your most humble obedient Servant,

The Inspector-General of Railways.,

To the Right Hon. the President of the Board of Trade.

The Railway Alternative.—Continuous Breaks or Continual
Smashes.