Punch (68.1875)

April 10, 1875.]

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHAPIVABI.

153

A PHAYRE TRIAL.

Gaikwar of
your

eware the
Baroda,

Lest some day in
brandy and soda,

A dose he have mixed
That your flint will have
fixed,

Before you can spin a
pagoda.”

So to Colonel Phayre whis-
pered Bhow Pooniker,—

Now, a man may be aught
but a spooney cur,

Though he closely to test
shun

Such pois’nous sugges-
tion,

E’en should fair chance of
testing it soon occur.

Now, Bhow Pooniker hated
the Gaikwar ;

Of two rogues, we know, like
will with like war,

And by foul means or
Phaybe

His whole thought and
his care,

From his throne Mulhar.
row how to strike were.

Whether Pooniker’s self was the dropper
Of the diamond-dust ars’nic and copper
In Phayre’s pomelo-juice,

To inquire ’tis no use.

On the charge now the Court’s clapped a stopper.

But such poison was found (whether Palace’s
Or Pooniker’s) proved by analysis,

So Phayre jumps to conclusion
The noxious infusion
A last touch of Mulhar-row’s malice is.

And he wires, “ The last game Gaikwar tries on me,
Is attempting in sherbet to pison me ;

If the liquor I’d drunk,

Phayre by foul play had sunk ;
Broken-hearted Baroda relies on me.”

I

Then straightway Lord Northbrook sent Pelly,
Who brought a cool head to the melee,

Phayre’s residence ended,

The Gaikwar suspended,

Stirring India from Ceylon to Delhi.

A Commission was sworn in for trial

Of the point who had emptied that phial;
They found no end to swear,

To the “ who, when, and where,”

But each oath had an oath in denial.

Mulhar-row, his realm loth to surrender,

Serjeant Ballantine fee’d as defender ;

Who put Phayre through the mill
With such Old-Bailev skill,

He, not Mulhar-row, seemed the offender.

The Commission found plots had been woven,

But the Gaikwar’s guilt voted “not proven ; ”
Where in such a mess mixed are
Pogue, liar, and trickster,

To doubt the best judge is behoven.

So scot-free of the charge, if not shriven,
Mulhar-row may be said to have thriven ;

Besides Ballantine’s fee,

He wins fame over sea,

And Phayre from Baroda is driven.

For the names “ Mulhar-row,” of the latter—

I mean “ row,”—there’s no want in this matter •
But for “muller,” I fear,

Ne’er the Gaikwar will hear
That name, without feeling its satire.

Northbrook, spite of Phayre’s charge, should have shied it,
E’er to such awkward issue he tried it:

They have both given Punch colour
To call one of them “ muller ”—

Or perhaps between both may divide it.

ONLY A HALFPENNY MORE.

Sir,

When Halfiienny Post-cards were first started, we were justly
charged sixpence a dozen. To this, any one who had played cards
with fish-counters could have had no possible objection. But after we
had been allowed to discover what a saving in time and money the
new post-card was, when, to put it poetically, we had learnt to love
the pretty Post-office infant, and felt our inability to do without it,
up went the price of the dozen to sixpence-halfpenny ; presumably
for the benefit of the stationer. This year we can’t buy our packet
of a dozen halfpenny post-cards under sevenpence. I begin to regret
not having liberally invested in post-cards when they first came out
—they’d have paid better than even the Brighton Aquarium, or the
Langham Hotel at the present moment. The Post-card of 1875
would have paid me over fifteen per cent, on the original invest-
ment. Will they go up another halfpenny ? If so, I feel strongly
inclined to buy for the rise. On the other hand, if people can only
get sixpence for their sevenpence, they ’ll take to writing fewer
letters, and the demand for post-cards will be sensibly — very
sensibly-diminished. q remain> Sir> yours

Spec Junior.

The Grecian Bend.—“ She Stoops to Conquer'1'1 (A Great Mis-
take).