Punch (68.1875)

184

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 1, 1875.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

oreign affairs occupied the Lords
(Monday, April 19 th). Lord
Stratheden wanted to teach
Austria how to make her com-
mercial treaties, and was politely
snubbed, from both sides the House,
by Lord Derby and Lord Gran-
ville.. Lord Russell called
attention to the late passage of
letters between Bismarck and
Belgium. Laudari a laudato is an
ancient felicity. To be lectured on
letter-writing by a letter-writer is an honour hardly so
likely to be prized, at least by Prince Bismarck.
The Complete Letter- Writer of a past generation
hoped Germany had not been asking Belgium to
curtail the liberty of the Press. Lord Derby hoped
not. (Prince Bismarck’s first note had been happily
described by Mr. Disraeli as “friendly.” So, he had
been assured by the German Ambassador, was the
second.) Two negatives may be equivalent to an affir-
mative, but can two kisses make a kick P Lord Derby
thinks not. So Punch would like to think. But some
kisses are so like kicks.

Lord Lauderdale wants playing at soldiers at
public and national schools to be turned into soldier-
ing in earnest, in hopes the boy’s drill may be father
of the man’s. Darwin says the progress of the race is
in the other direction—from man-drill (anthropoid) —
to man—not from boy-drill to man-drill.

Commons took a series of what Mr. Cook calls “ personally
excursions into regions the House has lately been
too much into under the experienced conduct of Mr.

The

conducted ”
travelling
Kenealy.

First, Mr. Monk wanted to know when Captain Bedford Pim
was going to have it out with Mr. Heed. Captain P. said he
would fix the fight for Tuesday, the 11th of May. Mr. Reed said
he didn’t mind how soon. It amused Captain Pim, and wouldn’t
hurt him. As to delay, Captain Pim had been studying the noble
art of self-defence lately—not a bad preparation^for a “mill,” but
5 which quite explained his delay.in fixing the fight to which the

^ gallant Captain had challenged him.

Dr. Kenealy asked for a Government night for his “ postponed ”
motion on the Tichborne Trial. Mr. Disraeli said it hadn’t been
“postponed,” for it had never been brought on. {Mr. Punch begs Mr. Dis-
raeli’s pardon. What is “ postponed ” but put off; and what has the Doctor
been doing but “putting off” his Motion ever since he put on the M.P.?)
Besides, how could he offer facilities for a Motion that was still a mystery,
being pulled up incidentally by the Speaker—whom the Member for Stoke showed

Dr. Kenealy said it was no mystery; and afte__a ___r _J __

himself quite disposed to argue with—explained that he intended to make certain complaints about the conduct of the trial—that was
parliamentary English—and in reference to certain incidents of the trial which have occurred subsequent thereto—wasn’t that Parlia-
mentary English {Englishman’s English, at least) ?—and then to conclude with a Resolution for a Select Committee or Royal Com-
mission, whichever the House would give him.

“ Then I ’ll try to get Lord Elcho to give you to-morrow—Bis dat qui cito dat,” said Mr. Disraeli.

“ Really, that’s too short notice—even for Dr. Kenealy,” remonstrated Mr. Bright.

Mr. Russell Gurney suggested Friday—better day, better deed.

Dr. Kenealy said he was suffering from bronchitis. He would prefer that day week.

Mr. Disraeli said he had led the House under bronchitis all last Session, and knew what it was. However, he would give the
Doctor Friday._And so it was settled.

“ Had he not declined to present a Tichborne petition ? ” “ Yes,”

Justice by Mr. Whalley, and the Lord Chief Justice’s contra-
Mr. Whalley didn’t feel clear that that was a reason for with-

Then Mr. Whalley had a round with Mr. Baillie Cochrane.

Mr. Baillie Cochrane admitted he had, by advice of the Speaker.

Mr. Bulwer read an allegation ascribed to the Lord Chief
diction thereof as “destitute of the slightest shadow of foundation.”
drawing his statement.

Whatare “shadows of foundations” to Mr. Whalley? There may be less'things than “shadows,” yet quite enough for Mr. Whalley
co base a statement upon. He had made his statement on what he had seen in the papers—corroborated by the Honourable Member
tor Stoke: assurance doubly sure. But he would see what he could do in the way of retractation.

• . TiE‘ , we explained how the ridiculus mus of Senor Herran’s letter had crept out of the mountain of the Foreign Loans Committee
into the columns of the Times and Daily News.

o .,e,n’ returning at last, from its “personally conducted” evening’s excursions, the House got the Artisans’ Dwellings Bill through
Committee, and Dr. Playfair dissected the Public Health Bill, which might be a consolidation of imperfect laws, but not—pace
Mr. bCLATER Booth—a final measure. But on the general approval of Messrs. Rathbone, Stansfeld, S. Stanhope, Dr. Lush, and
Colonel dartelott, (“ ’Tis not as.deep as a well, or as wide as a Church-door, but ’twill serve ”) the Bill was read a Second Time.

in Committee on the Adulteration Bill, Dr. Cameron did a good stroke of business by striking out the “ knowingly,” which made
convictions for adulteration practically impossible.

thanks to the Doctor, a seller of adulterated articles is not to go scot-free till you can prove he knew there was sand in the sugar,
water m the milk, and lime—or worse—in the sack.

iL- {Lords).—-Lord Malmesbury explained that, by eliminating two stout Assistant-Paymasters, they had found room for two

thin Chaplains, m the Arctic ships.

„ . (Commons.)-—\L u. C. Lewis wanted to know—(what a boy that is for curiosity !)—what Mr. Disraeli was going to do, now he had
got out all about the Foreign Loans Committee’s “ Ridiculus mus ” ?

Lb ’ -,^ISHA-EL1: S^1C^ he wasn’t going to do anything. Isn’t that the rule of the Session ?

. jaenealy, in answer to Simon Catechistes, said he had a list of naughty Members who declined to present Tichborne