Punch (68.1875)

[May 8, 1875.

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

CREMATION.

Nephew. “I hope you haven't been waiting long, Uncle?”

Unde. “Ail eight, my Boy. Been reading the Paper, and had a

Pinch-By the bye, it’s queer flavoured Snuff in this jar of yours,

Fred.”

Nephew (aghast). “Snuff, Uncle!—Jar! Good gractous !—that’s not
Snuff! Those are the Ashes of my Landlord’s First Wife ! ”

BEHIND THE GRILLE.

(Lines on the Ladies’ Gallery.)

Rescind, no longer worth, a straw,

That Standing Order—idle rule—

Which, at the word of every fool,

Compels Reporters to withdraw.

What, in the Gallery dost thou see
Strangers, thou House of Commons Ass ?

Ah, strangers of another class
Are present, though unseen by thee !

But thou mayst hear them well enow
Between the pauses of debate.

Less than gallant it were to state
That now and then they make a row.

And some, perhaps, of stronger mind,

Among the cultivated Fair,

With Pressmen shorthand work might share,
And equal or excel mankind.

Ho Order Strangers to exclude

There stands which can relate to those.

And who such Order would propose ?
Breathes there a wretch so base and rude ?

Rude order, destined to repeal,

That one fool may the Gallery clear,

We fall back on those “ Strangers ” dear,
Behind the Grille, behind the Grille!

The Enemy at Caesar’s Camp.

Honour to the Conservators of Wimbledon and Putney
Commons. In protection of Wimbledon Common they
have filed a bill in Chancery to restrain a Mr. Dixon,
the lessee of a Mr. J. S. W. S. Erle Drax, the claimant
of the ground, from commencing buildings on the site of
Caesar’s Camp. Excavations for the projected edifices
were already begun, and bricks had been carted into
the enclosure upon ground fenced off some time ago,
several fine trees which stood on it having previously
been felled. Those gentlemen, therefore, have set to
work in defence of Caesar’s Camp not a day too soon.
Happily they have obtained an injunction to stay the
invaders’ operations, pending a full examination of their
right. May the champions of Wimbledon Common
succeed in getting that injunction made final, and in
rescuing the Camp of Caesar from the hands of the
Philistines.

presence of a responsible and duly authorised agent of the Execu-
tive, Mr. Butt was wonderfully mollified, and for the brief re-
mainder of the evening ran with oil instead of best Irish malt vinegar.

Biggar was with difficulty kept down during the debate.

H.B.—Ho more jokes on this Gentleman’s name can be admitted.
Mr. Punch feels some shame at their reiteration in this Humber.
He will never do it again.

Friday (Lords).—Breech v. Muzzle-loader—the Duke of Somerset
backing one, officialism, actual and ex-, the other. Adhuc sub
judice Us est whether our bull-dogs’ bark and bite be deadliest, via
head or tail. Government promises to keep its ordnance-eye open.
Whitworth is said to have invented an improved breech-piece,
which won’t blow out.

(Commons.) Morning and evening, Peace Preservation. Left
fighting.

Mr. Mitchell Henry gave notice of an Amendment on Lord
Hartington’s Motion, to postpone the subject till the House has
considered the whole system of re] tor ting. The Home-Rulers may
‘taking down,” but can hardly, one would think, claim to be
taken down verbatim. Suppose we had such a thing as reporting

a discretion f say Punch’s discretion ?

Ben Trovato.

“I really cannot understand,” observed the Dean of W-st-
m-st-r to Monsignor C-p-l, in the course of a friendly discussion
llfla rif n m tde Church of England, latelv written by the
aesthetic M.P. tor Cambridge University, “ why very High Church-
men do not leave us and adopt your faith.”

u Ulcy can, wAbout our Faith,” replied Monsignor C-p-l,
as long as they are satisfied with their Hope.”

LOSS AHD GAIN.

(To be Sung to a Mason’s Melody.)

What of losing our grip on the Marquis of Ripon ?

That has turned out a happy disaster.

How the Heir to the Throne in his stead that we own;

Of all Past Grands, Grandest Grand Master.

He who fails to evince all respect to our Prince,

Is a wretch that his Craft throws disgrace on.

From his Lodge kick him out, or conduct by the snout
That impostor in mask of a Mason.

Let the Chief of a Sect to our Secret object;

We ’ve no mysteries hostile to reason.

With our Prince at our head, we can never be said
To foment insurrection and treason.

Let priests ban, if they choose, and denounce, and abuse,
And with heathen and heretics lump us,

Whilst the law we maintain is to live stiff by plane,

As by rule, and by square, and by compass.

What they like let them say—we can show them the way
That is fitting for true men to walk in ;

Let them know we ’re the Guild that a Temple can build
On the pillars of Boaz and Jachin.

Here ’s a sign to the Pope, he will know it, we hope ;

Tip of thumb end of nose thus we place on—

The Pontifical curse has made Masons no worse,

When it brings us a Royal Head Mason.

A Rejected Picture.—The Portrait of a Gentleman (painted for
the Stoke Electors), by the Editor of the F?iglishman.