DOI Heft:
May 8, 1875
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16940#0207
Mat 8, 1875.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
199
s V
JP4
PRAY, PITY THE HORSES!
eetings of Horses have
been held in various parts
of London, a few evenings
since, to consider the
Motion recently proposed
hy Me. Chaplin, in the
House of Commons. We
report one of them. Tho-
bobbed Rag ee, Esq. oc-
cupied the Stall.
The Stallholder said that
he was very pleased to see
so many representative
horses around him. Al-
though Me. Chaplin’s
Motion had very little
personal interest for him-
self, still he was always
ready to offer a helping
hoof to the very poorest
of his fellow - creatures.
{Cheers.) He considered
the motion a mistake. If the Government would, busy themselves
with horsekeepers, and not with horse-breeders, they would do a very
great deal of good. (“ Hear, hear ! ”) Eor instance, he would take
his own case. Before a great race he would assure the Meeting he
was never safe. It was true that his lad was always with him, and
moreover that a detective was ever on duty at the stable-door. And
yet, in spite of these precautions, he was never safe from “ hoeuss-
ing ”—in plain English, he was always in danger of cool, cruel, and
dastardly assassination. (Cries of “ Shame ! ”) He scarcely dared
to munch a mouthful of hay for fear of foul play. Horse-hocussing
should be put down at once. After this had been accomplished,
there would he ample time to consider horse-breeding. {Cheers.)
Me. Steeple Chasee said he would not detain the Meeting a
minute. His friend the Stallholder had alluded to “ hocussing,”
but he (the speaker) had a far more serious grievance to complain
of. In pursuit of His professional duties he had to attend a large
number of country meetings, and he could earnestly declare that
the jumps of some courses were simply disgraceful. It appeared to
him that the Proprietors of the Courses to which he had made allu-
sion had but one object in view—to kill the horses and to disable
the riders. {Cries of “ Shame ! ”) Now he loved sport and enjoyed
hopping over a brook as much as anyone ; but sport was one thing,
and a “sensation ditch” was another. {Cheers.) The Government
could scarcely do better than turn their attention before next season
to some of the country race meetings, if they wanted to secure an
unanimous vote of thanks from the class to which he (the Speaker)
had the honour to belong. {Cheers.)
A very miserable looking animal, who said that he was a London
Cabhorse, now addressed the meeting. He said that he belonged to
a race that were worked off their legs. The assembly before him
would doubtless refuse to believe him, and yet he could assure
them that once he was as fine a spirited hunter as ever was seen.
{Ironical laughter.) They might indulge in horse laughter {a
laugh), but for all that what he had said was true. If they had all
been trotted about the streets like he had for sixteen hours a day,
year after year, in all sorts of weather, they would look every bit as
bad as he did. (“Hear!”) What he wanted to know was this. They
had given “shelters” to the drivers, why did they not put up
“ shelters ” for the horses ? (“ Hear, hear ! ”) The horses had a far
worse time of it than their drivers; and taken all round, were they
an inferior raoe to those who drove them ? {loud cries of “ No ! ”)
Of course they were not. How that the drivers had their “ shelters ”
the poor horses were left unprotected and alone in the wind, rain,
sun, or snow. He (the speaker) felt so lonely sometimes, that he
really would be pleased to see anybody— yes, even Mes. Giacometti
Pbodgebs. {Loud Groans.) The Government really ought to do
something for the poor London Cabhorses. {Cheers.)
A Donkey here addressed the Meeting at great length, contending
that it was the duty of the Ministry to constitute themselves a
Paternal Government. The speaker sneered at the grievances of
those who had already addressed the Meeting. He drew a picture
(to the great impatience of all present) of the peaceful life of a Cab-
horse, declaring that nothing could be more charming than to end
one’s days by the sad sea waves between the shafts of a bathing
machine. He refused to allow any resolution to be put to the
Meeting, and asserted that he had the right to speak as long as he
pleased. He quoted the case of a gentleman (whom he described as a
relative of his own) who had pursued similar tactics in the House of
Commons.
Throughout the speaker was listened to with great impatience,
and when our Reporter withdrew he left the Donkey still braying.
OCCASIONAL HAPPY THOUGHTS.
From Horse Dealing to House Furnishing—Advice gratis—Keeping
your Eye open—A visit to Christie and Manson’s.
“ And there was an end of one, two, and three, the rat, the cat and
the little frog^ee as runs the finish of the old song of “ A Froggee
would a Wooing Go.” This refrain will keep on recurring to me
after our awful smash. Yes! There is an end of one, two, and three,
i.e., “ of the trap, of the chap and the clever Cob bee.” The trap I
will not have mended—it is past hope. Mttbgle (the chap) will
henceforth be all gardener; and the clever Cob bee will be a thing of
the past.
Selling the Trap.—l call on the Active Manager of an eminent
Carriage Depot. The Active Manager is brisk as a bee. The trap—
just patched up so as to allow of Mdbgle sitting in it safely without
coming through anywhere, and the shafts being so temporarily
secured as to admit of its being dragged at a slow pace to London by
a quiet animal, lent for the purpose—is placed in the yard.
“I suppose you can sell it for me?” I say to the Brisk Manager,
despondently. I own I regard it as hopeless. Were he to reply
something about breaking it up for firewood, I should receive the
suggestion with perfect equanimity.
Nothing of the sort. He looks at it with a critical air, takes in,
so to speak, all its points at a glance, and says, off-handedly,—
“It only wants to be done up a bit—just a little paint and
varnish, and the lamp put straight, and it ’ll look as good as new.”
Happy Thought.—To agree at once to the paint and varnish, and
not ask any unnecessary questions. If he can make a thoroughly
smashed-to-bits affair ‘ look as good as new,” and so obtain something
like a decent price for it, that is evidently his business, not mine.
Only, knowing this, should I ever require another trap, I rather
question whether I should come to this depot to make the purchase.
Subsequent Entry in Diary.—Trap sold for very nearly as much
as I gave for it. It must have looked almost as good as new. Clever
Cob also sold well. I should now think, from increasing experi-
ence, that horse and carriage dealing, if you are not too liberal in
buying and not unnecessarily candid in selling, must be a most
profitable business.
My Aunt’s nerves have been upset by this catastrophe. She is
dreadfully determined to give up our Cottage in the Country, and
go down to the sea-side. There is only one sea-side place that
ever really agreed with her, and that is Ramsgate. She points out
how advantageous to me it will be to give up horse, trap, groom, and
gardener, and take henceforth to walking as a safe exercise, and
occasionally a sailing-boat. I object. My present work (I am now
engaged on Yol. YI. of Typical Developments—the previous Yolumes
not being yet completed) requires constant attendance at the British
Museum.
Happy Thought.—My Aunt shall live at Ramsgate. I’ll live
in Town, and come down to see her—occasionally.
She agrees—on condition that we send all our things from the
country to Ramsgate, and that we furnish a suite of roorhs in Town.
Carried nem. con., subject to a further condition, which is the result
of a sudden
Happy Thought.—My Aunt to see to all the “ moving’’—while I
carry out certain plans of my own for furnishing. Aunt yields.
To whom shall she go to move the furniture ? She remembers
having seen a picture all over Town of an engine-driver and a
stoker dressed like French Cooks (Cook’s Excursionists), or like the
carvers at the Holborn Restaurant, standing on an engine, which is
dragging, on a single line of rails, an enormous van, which being
labelled “ Families Removing,” suggests the idea of its being filled
up inside with several large families stowed away comfortably, and
going to the sea-side for a change. She is much taken with the
picture. I leave it to her, and become absorbed in furnishing.
Happy Thought.—Why buy new furniture, when you can get
what you want second-hand for half the money ? This notion is
suggested to me by my friend Twinton Yick.
Twinton Yick is an elderly man, who (I now discover) is always
going to sales, and buys everything, from a watch-chain to a pair
of carpet slippers, always second-hand, and invariably “abargain.”
He says, “ Don’t be in a hurry. Keep your eyes open. You’ll see
all the sales advertised. Just drop in on the show-days, select
what you require, settle how much you ’re going to give, and get
hold of a decent broker to bid.” .
Twinton has wonderful stories of how he has seen beautiful
Brussels carpets, that couldn’t have cost less than fifty pounds
apiece, going for a mere trifle, “absolutely,” as he expresses it,
“given away.”
Dappy Thought.—This is the sort of thing I should like.. To
furnish my house from top to bottom with most valuable things
which are actually “ given away.” Fancy what might be done, on
these terms, for twenty pounds! Imagine the surprise and envy
of one’s friends !
“ My dear fellow, what magnificent tapestry hangings you have
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
199
s V
JP4
PRAY, PITY THE HORSES!
eetings of Horses have
been held in various parts
of London, a few evenings
since, to consider the
Motion recently proposed
hy Me. Chaplin, in the
House of Commons. We
report one of them. Tho-
bobbed Rag ee, Esq. oc-
cupied the Stall.
The Stallholder said that
he was very pleased to see
so many representative
horses around him. Al-
though Me. Chaplin’s
Motion had very little
personal interest for him-
self, still he was always
ready to offer a helping
hoof to the very poorest
of his fellow - creatures.
{Cheers.) He considered
the motion a mistake. If the Government would, busy themselves
with horsekeepers, and not with horse-breeders, they would do a very
great deal of good. (“ Hear, hear ! ”) Eor instance, he would take
his own case. Before a great race he would assure the Meeting he
was never safe. It was true that his lad was always with him, and
moreover that a detective was ever on duty at the stable-door. And
yet, in spite of these precautions, he was never safe from “ hoeuss-
ing ”—in plain English, he was always in danger of cool, cruel, and
dastardly assassination. (Cries of “ Shame ! ”) He scarcely dared
to munch a mouthful of hay for fear of foul play. Horse-hocussing
should be put down at once. After this had been accomplished,
there would he ample time to consider horse-breeding. {Cheers.)
Me. Steeple Chasee said he would not detain the Meeting a
minute. His friend the Stallholder had alluded to “ hocussing,”
but he (the speaker) had a far more serious grievance to complain
of. In pursuit of His professional duties he had to attend a large
number of country meetings, and he could earnestly declare that
the jumps of some courses were simply disgraceful. It appeared to
him that the Proprietors of the Courses to which he had made allu-
sion had but one object in view—to kill the horses and to disable
the riders. {Cries of “ Shame ! ”) Now he loved sport and enjoyed
hopping over a brook as much as anyone ; but sport was one thing,
and a “sensation ditch” was another. {Cheers.) The Government
could scarcely do better than turn their attention before next season
to some of the country race meetings, if they wanted to secure an
unanimous vote of thanks from the class to which he (the Speaker)
had the honour to belong. {Cheers.)
A very miserable looking animal, who said that he was a London
Cabhorse, now addressed the meeting. He said that he belonged to
a race that were worked off their legs. The assembly before him
would doubtless refuse to believe him, and yet he could assure
them that once he was as fine a spirited hunter as ever was seen.
{Ironical laughter.) They might indulge in horse laughter {a
laugh), but for all that what he had said was true. If they had all
been trotted about the streets like he had for sixteen hours a day,
year after year, in all sorts of weather, they would look every bit as
bad as he did. (“Hear!”) What he wanted to know was this. They
had given “shelters” to the drivers, why did they not put up
“ shelters ” for the horses ? (“ Hear, hear ! ”) The horses had a far
worse time of it than their drivers; and taken all round, were they
an inferior raoe to those who drove them ? {loud cries of “ No ! ”)
Of course they were not. How that the drivers had their “ shelters ”
the poor horses were left unprotected and alone in the wind, rain,
sun, or snow. He (the speaker) felt so lonely sometimes, that he
really would be pleased to see anybody— yes, even Mes. Giacometti
Pbodgebs. {Loud Groans.) The Government really ought to do
something for the poor London Cabhorses. {Cheers.)
A Donkey here addressed the Meeting at great length, contending
that it was the duty of the Ministry to constitute themselves a
Paternal Government. The speaker sneered at the grievances of
those who had already addressed the Meeting. He drew a picture
(to the great impatience of all present) of the peaceful life of a Cab-
horse, declaring that nothing could be more charming than to end
one’s days by the sad sea waves between the shafts of a bathing
machine. He refused to allow any resolution to be put to the
Meeting, and asserted that he had the right to speak as long as he
pleased. He quoted the case of a gentleman (whom he described as a
relative of his own) who had pursued similar tactics in the House of
Commons.
Throughout the speaker was listened to with great impatience,
and when our Reporter withdrew he left the Donkey still braying.
OCCASIONAL HAPPY THOUGHTS.
From Horse Dealing to House Furnishing—Advice gratis—Keeping
your Eye open—A visit to Christie and Manson’s.
“ And there was an end of one, two, and three, the rat, the cat and
the little frog^ee as runs the finish of the old song of “ A Froggee
would a Wooing Go.” This refrain will keep on recurring to me
after our awful smash. Yes! There is an end of one, two, and three,
i.e., “ of the trap, of the chap and the clever Cob bee.” The trap I
will not have mended—it is past hope. Mttbgle (the chap) will
henceforth be all gardener; and the clever Cob bee will be a thing of
the past.
Selling the Trap.—l call on the Active Manager of an eminent
Carriage Depot. The Active Manager is brisk as a bee. The trap—
just patched up so as to allow of Mdbgle sitting in it safely without
coming through anywhere, and the shafts being so temporarily
secured as to admit of its being dragged at a slow pace to London by
a quiet animal, lent for the purpose—is placed in the yard.
“I suppose you can sell it for me?” I say to the Brisk Manager,
despondently. I own I regard it as hopeless. Were he to reply
something about breaking it up for firewood, I should receive the
suggestion with perfect equanimity.
Nothing of the sort. He looks at it with a critical air, takes in,
so to speak, all its points at a glance, and says, off-handedly,—
“It only wants to be done up a bit—just a little paint and
varnish, and the lamp put straight, and it ’ll look as good as new.”
Happy Thought.—To agree at once to the paint and varnish, and
not ask any unnecessary questions. If he can make a thoroughly
smashed-to-bits affair ‘ look as good as new,” and so obtain something
like a decent price for it, that is evidently his business, not mine.
Only, knowing this, should I ever require another trap, I rather
question whether I should come to this depot to make the purchase.
Subsequent Entry in Diary.—Trap sold for very nearly as much
as I gave for it. It must have looked almost as good as new. Clever
Cob also sold well. I should now think, from increasing experi-
ence, that horse and carriage dealing, if you are not too liberal in
buying and not unnecessarily candid in selling, must be a most
profitable business.
My Aunt’s nerves have been upset by this catastrophe. She is
dreadfully determined to give up our Cottage in the Country, and
go down to the sea-side. There is only one sea-side place that
ever really agreed with her, and that is Ramsgate. She points out
how advantageous to me it will be to give up horse, trap, groom, and
gardener, and take henceforth to walking as a safe exercise, and
occasionally a sailing-boat. I object. My present work (I am now
engaged on Yol. YI. of Typical Developments—the previous Yolumes
not being yet completed) requires constant attendance at the British
Museum.
Happy Thought.—My Aunt shall live at Ramsgate. I’ll live
in Town, and come down to see her—occasionally.
She agrees—on condition that we send all our things from the
country to Ramsgate, and that we furnish a suite of roorhs in Town.
Carried nem. con., subject to a further condition, which is the result
of a sudden
Happy Thought.—My Aunt to see to all the “ moving’’—while I
carry out certain plans of my own for furnishing. Aunt yields.
To whom shall she go to move the furniture ? She remembers
having seen a picture all over Town of an engine-driver and a
stoker dressed like French Cooks (Cook’s Excursionists), or like the
carvers at the Holborn Restaurant, standing on an engine, which is
dragging, on a single line of rails, an enormous van, which being
labelled “ Families Removing,” suggests the idea of its being filled
up inside with several large families stowed away comfortably, and
going to the sea-side for a change. She is much taken with the
picture. I leave it to her, and become absorbed in furnishing.
Happy Thought.—Why buy new furniture, when you can get
what you want second-hand for half the money ? This notion is
suggested to me by my friend Twinton Yick.
Twinton Yick is an elderly man, who (I now discover) is always
going to sales, and buys everything, from a watch-chain to a pair
of carpet slippers, always second-hand, and invariably “abargain.”
He says, “ Don’t be in a hurry. Keep your eyes open. You’ll see
all the sales advertised. Just drop in on the show-days, select
what you require, settle how much you ’re going to give, and get
hold of a decent broker to bid.” .
Twinton has wonderful stories of how he has seen beautiful
Brussels carpets, that couldn’t have cost less than fifty pounds
apiece, going for a mere trifle, “absolutely,” as he expresses it,
“given away.”
Dappy Thought.—This is the sort of thing I should like.. To
furnish my house from top to bottom with most valuable things
which are actually “ given away.” Fancy what might be done, on
these terms, for twenty pounds! Imagine the surprise and envy
of one’s friends !
“ My dear fellow, what magnificent tapestry hangings you have