Punch (68.1875)

June 19, 1875.]

261

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

“ASTONISHING THE NATIVE.”

ood should come of the
Sultan of Zanzibar’s
visit to England, if he can
hut carry away a few prac-
tical lessons from our
boasted civilisation. As
the children of the South
do not love exertion, Mr.
Punch (always ready to
oblige a potentate)
he*rs to propose an
appropriate course
of Studies. His
Highness’s educa-
tion might he easily
completed within a
week, were he al-
lowed to adopt the
following simple
programme : —
First Day: Les-
son in the Fine
Arts. — In the
morning, visit of
the Sultan to the
exterior of the National Gallery. In the afternoon, inspection of
the Duke of Wellington’s Statue and the other London Monuments,
with Brass Band and Barrel Organ accompaniment.

Second Day: Lesson in Cleanliness.—Promenade through Seven
Dials in the morning. In the afternoon, lounge up Piccadilly after
the road has been nicely watered.

Third Day: Lesson in Regularity.—A forenoon on the Arrival
Platform of any Railway Terminus in the Metropolis.

Fourth Day: Lesson in Honesty.—A few hours spent in the
neighbourhood of the Stock Exchange.

Fifth Day : Lesson in Energy.—Official visit to the site of the
New Law Courts, and inspection of the present condition of Temple
Bar.

Sixth Day: Lesson in Economy.—Grand examination in the
West End of Milliners’, Jewellers’, Haberdashers’, and Pastry
Cooks’ Books.

Seventh and Last Day: Lesson in Decorum, Sobriety, and Piety.
—Ten minutes study (on a Sunday) of the manners and customs of
the frequenters of a London public-house.

St

THE OTHER VIEW OF THE PICTURE.

To the Editor of Punch.

Sir,

I am a Jew, and a broker. Most indignantly do I deny every
assertion contained in your article of the week before last, except the
very witty statement—ten or twelve times repeated—that the Jews
have hooked noses. As false is it that you saw a bookcase fourteen
feet high as that you were surrounded by a troop of Jews, who
wished to purchase goods for you on Commission. I attend sales
daily, and do not know a single Jew who is a Commission Broker.
There may be one or two, but, as far as my experience goes, the
Commission men are all Christians. The poor Jews who attend
sales are dealers on their own account, and pay for what they pur-
chase. As to the broken English you so glibly put into the mouths
of the Jews who addressed you, it is, like the rest, a bold assertion.
I do not place myself on a par with the Jewish Judges, Serjeants-
at-Law, Queen’s Counsel, Barristers, Professors, &c.: I am only a
Broker, and have been unable to study since the age of sixteen, yet
I am quite willing to read or speak in English, French, German, or
Italian, side by side with yourself, Sir.

I dare say I am as good a type as any other, as I have the black
hair and the hooked nose so graphically described by you, yet I
never, at any time, wear any jewellery. And, perhaps, I am as
clean in my person, and in my linen, as yourself. If not, it is not
on account of my religion, hut in despite of it. It is a presumption
to call us Jews unclean : it must be on the “ lucus a non lucendo ”
principle. Why, the first Jew, Abraham, placed water before his
guests to wash themselves therewith ; Moses teaches cleanliness
again and again; _ and Elijah taught the Captain of the Syrian
host the cure for his disease in those memorable words, “ Wash and
be clean.”

I do not deny there are poor Jews—1 do not deny there are
uneducated ones, hut I unhesitatingly affirm that the Jew, in
whatever position he be placed, can fearlessly maintain his equality
—on the score of education, intelligence, and even refinement—with

the Christian, as he can in unflinching loyalty to Her Most Gracious
Majesty.

What is the meaning of “ a glance — ocular greased lightning,” I
leave to yourself. I do not suppose any of your readers can see the
wit thereof.

It is quite time that men of education, like yourself, should try
to remove prejudices, instead of increasing them. Wherever Jews
compete, thank God, they can always hold their own; witness the
Senior Wranglership gained at Cambridge by the second or third
Jew who went to that University; witness the numberless professor-
ships, scholarships, and prizes obtained at the University of London;
as well as the Judgeships, Mayoralties, &c., &c., the rewards of
intelligence, uprightness, and industry; certainly not of favour.
The old Latin proverb says, “ Lngenuas didicisse fideliter artes,
emollit mores,”—it certainly does not seem to have done so in your
case. In Corneille’s famous tragedy, the mother of Horace, when
told that her son had disgraced himself by cowardice to save his
life, and asked what he should have done in lieu thereof, most un-
hesitatingly replied, “ Qu'il mound.” Perchance your own mother,
Sir, would have spoken in like manner, had she known that you
misapply your talent to vilify an innocent people.

I beg to remain, Sir, Tours respectfully,

A Jew Broker.

\_Mr. Punch begs to point out to this vigorous advocate of the
“innocent people,” that he has never controverted a single one of
the claims so energetically made on their behalf in this letter.]

POSIES EOR THE POOR.

“A Good Suggestion.—A Correspondent writes to us:—‘ At this season,
when all the gardens are full of the loveliest and sweetest blossoms, there are
—as at every season—hundreds of poor people in our London Hospitals for
whom time passes very heavily, and whose sad, sick hearts would he cheered
beyond measure by the sight and smell of our commonest garden flowers;
and there are, I am equally sure, hundreds of kind-hearted men of business
who would willingly bring up each a bunch of flowers, once or twice a week,
to town, and drop them into a large basket placed conveniently at the rail-
way station. Each hospital might have a basket, or the flowers could be
shared out from the big one. Nearly every hospital is close to a station.
Many poor sick people—regular Cockneys—hardly know what a flower is.’ ”

“ Splendid bouquet you ’ve got,” cried young Citizen Brown
To old Citizen Briggs, in a train up to Town.

“ Some young Party this evening to take to the play,

Or a bald ? Mr. Briggs, Sir ! I say, Sir, I say ! ”

Said his elder, “ It isn’t at all what you think ;

So you’ve got no occasion to smirk and to wink.

I am not a young puppy—these bristles are white—

Home and early to bed is my custom at night.

“ No; these flowers from my greenhouse and garden will go
To a place where they ’ll serve more for use than for show ;

To a hospital ward, where the lily and rose
Will improve the condition of things for the nose.

“ A suggestion of late in my paper I read _

Of this cheap contribution to cheer the sick bed.

As a thing to be done, Sir, my fancy it caught,

So in practice, you see, I’ve put that happy thought.

“ The smell of syringa, carnation, and pink
May help raise up the spirits in sickness which sink,

And geranium, and scabious, and lychnus, supply
Some refreshment for many a poor patient’s eye.”

“ Mr. Briggs, Sir,” said Brown, “the ideas you impart,

They do honour alike to your head and your heart :

You experience, of course, that enjoyment which should,

And does, I have no doubt, attend doing good.

“ I remember some rhymes upon acts of the just
Say they smell sweet and blossom, although in the dust ;

And your nosegay, for hospital patients designed,

Though I can’t quite repeat them, has brought them to mind.”

A COLOURABLE PRETEXT.

A nice, if not an over-nice, young lady-friend of ours declares
that nothing in the world shall ever tempt her to wear mauve, lest
she should be classed among les mauvais sujets.

“The Height of the Ridiculous?’’—Assuming them to be
placed one a-top of another, Punch altogether declines the calcu-
lation !