Punch (68.1875)

A HUNGRY CLAIMANT.

Legal Adviser. “ But what were the Provisions of the Will?”

Mr. F lannigan. “ ‘Provisions’ is it? Divil a bit o’ Provisions was there at all ! An’ that’s why we’re all Starvin’ ! !”

MRS. GINGHAM ON TOUGHENED GLASS.

Which it’s almost too good to be true; but I hope tbat the stories
one hears is correct, and no gammon,

Though glass as ain’t brittle’s a thing, I must say, as does seem
out o’ nature and not to be credited;

But blessin’s on that De la Bastie, I says, if so be his inwention
ain’t simply a sham ’un,

Which Tom read it out o’ the Titnes, as he says is a decentish
paper and carefully edited:

Which what with the gals,—drat their slippery fingers!—as smashes
no end, and the boys with their stoneses,

And them catty pult things,—as perhaps they ’ll put down, now on
the Princess they have tried ’em!—

The glass one has broken is jest ruination, as well I’m aweer them
young waggerbone Joneses

Has cost me a fortune in glaziers this year.—Let me catch the
young willuns, and won’t I just hide ’em !

But this ’ere toughened glass is stone-proof won’t smash—least-
ways, not unless it is hit with a hammer;

As even the gals don’t do tbat,—though one did drop my very best
cream—jug down two flights of stairs.

And the treatment a pane of this new stuff will stand is just down-
right amazin’, and reads like a crammer ;

But a blessin’, if true, which I’m sure at this hour I’ve a dozen
cracked tumblers, and none of ’em pairs !

Tain t only the loss, but the dratted wexation as worrits a woman;
and if Mr. Nursey

Can save us from stones through the skylights and draughts,—
which a glazier, like Bobbies, when wanted, ne’er passes,—

I? rom spuing one’s “ sets,” which them crockery people ain’t willing
^ to match ’em, but quite wisey-wersey,—
i m sure, as Tom says, he’s a pro honey public oh !—meaning a
chap as does good to the masses.

Well, Science and sich is a-goin’ it wonderful—things as they used
to was fairly upsetting ;

Which next, I suppose, they ’ll have pie-crusts and promises, egg-
shells and hearts, as is “ not to be broken.”

And as to old say in’s—which “ brittle as glass ” will soon sound
quite ridikulus—folks must be getting
A regler new stock of ’em, seeing the old uns is quite out o’ date,
and seems stupid if spoken.

Which glaziers will wish Mounseer Bastie at blazes ; and, as to
them rumrooshan boys and the slaveys,

Their games will be stopped when they can’t crack a pane, and it
ain’t o’ much use for to tumble a tumbler :

But housewives will bless him, and, as for the dealers, I shan’t fret
for them, they may all take their daveys,

As p’r’aps it will make them audashus young stuckupsof shopmen
o’ theirs just a shade or so humbler!

Good News for the Boys.

On account of the great success that has attended the Encoenia at
Oxford this year, and in the interests of that national education, in
which Oxford is now aiding so energetically, the staid solemnities of
that University capital will be repeated al fresco in the streets of
London on the Fifth of next November. The principal chairs will
be occupied by the Regius Professor of Law, the Public Orator,
Dr. Macarness, and the Vice-Chancellor. The entertainments
will conclude, as usual, with a brilliant display of fireworks.

Lines on the Late Drought.

The fields, all green and gold in May,
June’s sun hath so imbrowned,

That Nature’s book, we now may say,
Appears in parchment bound.