Punch: Punch (76.1879)

January 25, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 25

A BLIND CORNER.

Emily had no idea that this was Fred's favourite Stile for Jumping

his new Horse.

FLOUE v: GYPSUM.

That most far-sighted of Lord Mayors, the illustrious
Whetham, seems to be as determined on damping sani-
tary zeal as over-eager charity. Only in this way can we
explain the snubbing he thought lit to administer to Dr.
Saunders, Officer of Health and Public Analyst for the
City, who had been ill-advised enough to bring before
him the case of a cargo of stuff imported as wheat-meal,
but so largely adulterated with Plaster of Paris, that
Dr. Saunders was able to exhibit a donkey's head
moulded from this devil's dust, in practical illustration
of the quality of the samples from twenty sacks, armed
with which he sought the aid of the Lord Mayor to
have the perilous stuff condemned and seized before it
found its way into the trade, the bakers' ovens, and the
stomachs of Her Majesty's lieges.

The Lord Mayor, instead of condemning the villanous
mixture, condemned the doctor, telling him he should
have prosecuted the man who sold the flour. The usual
course of common-place Magistrates acting under the
power of the Nuisance Eemoval Act applicable in such
matters, is to direct seizure of the offending article, and
so keep it out of the market. The Lord Mayor prefers
to wait till it gets there.

In the mean time, Dr. Saunders has learnt that a
foreign baker in Dean Street, Soho, has made 114
"wheatsn loaves" from this gypsumised meal, two of
which were laid on the table besides the ass's head—the
bane beside the symbol of what should have been the
antidote.

Probably the foreign baker may think himself war-
ranted in bringing these loaves into the market as
" French bread," on the strength of the Plaster of Paris
they contain. We should like to see the illustrious
Whetham: condemned to a week of this costive semi-
cereal mixture, by which time he would, perhaps, be
brought to understand that it is better to keep such a
poisonous compound out of the market, than to take your
chance of tracing it into so-called bread-stuffs, after it
gets there.

Punch's Advice to Mademoiselle la Eepuelique.—
Not to put too much pepper in her Orevy.

"LET ME WRITE MYSELF DOWN AN ASS!"

A specialist paper, which, from its name, The Textile _ Manu-
facturer, seems to be an organ of the industry whose name it bears,
has thought fit to fall foul of Mr. Punch for falling foul, in an article
called " Millers and their Men," of manufacturers who weight their
calicoes with size and clay, till they become practically China-clay
manufacturers rather than cotton-spinners, " Theveteran Joker,"
he is assured by the Textile Manufacturer, "blunders wofully" : and
—'' to use language he would not hesitate to employ " (certainly not,
in the proper quarter—Mutato nomine de te, 0 Textile Manufac-
turer,—fabula narratur)—" ha.s made a stupendous ass of himself."
The T. M. then goes on to instruct Mr. Punch in this graceful
fashion :—

" We do not consider it our province to instruct London office-boys in the
rudiments of manufacturing; but as this specimen of the species may possibly
be some day promoted to the exalted post of Mr. Punch's factotum, we will
go a little out of our way for his enlightenment, and we hope he will hereafter
acknowledge the source of his instruction. The Pall Mall Gazette may like-
wise take a lesson at the same time. The object of sizing is to strengthen the
warp, and thereby to facilitate the operation of weaving. The chlorates of
zinc and magnesia are never used in size, but the chlorides of zinc and mag-
nesium are ; the first as an antiseptic for preventing mildew, and the second
with the same object, although it is not an antiseptic according to some
authorities. The presence of glue is not objectionable. ' Chemicals,' as
such, are not used to give weight and body—they would be too expensive ;
but China clay is employed for this purpose. The idiotic outcry made about
the latter is a conspicuous instance of the want of 'sense and truth' shown
by the professed instructors of the public. Suppose affairs were really as
black as they are constantly being painted, is it not with a declining trade,
the quintessence of folly to publish to the world that we are a set of
scoundrels, and that our goods are spurious or adulterated ? The poverty-
stricken Hindoo prefers to buy the heavily-sized cloths; they are considerably
cheaper for him, and, as he does not wash his garments very frequently, they
serve as well as the purest articles. If the consumer knows what he is buving
(and he does), how can he be damnified by the transaction ? If the trade is
one of pure adulteration, where are the enormous profits, when merchants are
flying kites to keep their heads above water, and manufacturers are working
at a loss ? The truth is, the merchant has to supply these goods, and the
manufacturer has to make them, and if they were 'adulterated' to 1,000 per
cent, the trade would still be thoroughly legitimate."

The same number of the Textile Manufacturer which contains this
" elegant extract," prints on the same page one with the heading,
" Stiffened Calicoes," which informs its readers that—

" This stiffening of our calicoes is one, and ive may say the chief, cause of
their growing unpopularity in both the home and foreign markets, but espe-
cially in the former. As the sewing machine is now an adjunct of almost
every dwelling, our dealers, merchants, and finishers should adapt their
finishes to the altered circumstances, and not blindly throw into the hand of
foreign competitors the best and the richest market in the world—the English
one.'"

But not only the English. The article goes on—

" Knowing how white goods are finished, we were not surprised to see the
following in an American journal, which we can readily believe to be quite
true :—' Mr. Jennings, formerly managing editor of the New York Times,
and now London correspondent of the same journal, writes that '' a lady friend
of mine was told to-day, on inquiring for some calicoes for children, that the
Americans were the best—they could be worked on the sewing-machine more
easily than the English." " Why ? " " Well, they are softer. The English
goods are stiffened up with size, and consequently do not lend themselves
very readily to the sewing-machine."' Many of the_above remarks will
apply with equal force to grey calicoes, which are so heavily sized at the mills
that no use can be made of them until they have been washed. We think it
would pay a manufacturer well to commence making a range of really good
cloths, in both grey and white qualities—and protect both by a trade mark-
specially designed to meet the requirements of domestic consumption in this
country."

And why not, "foreign consumption abroad as well," Punch
would ask ?

" It is, at all events, worth a trial," concludes the Textile Manu-
facturer, with whom Punch quite agrees, and thanks him for
" bettering the instruction," which he ventured to give m ' Millers
and their Men."

"To be Said or Sung."

In the recent controversy about Church Music, reference is made
to the old direction which preceded the present rubric, that the
Lessons " should be sung in a plain tune, after the manner of
distinct reading"—i.e., monotone. We have certainly got rid of the
monotone, but only to substitute for it, too often, monotony.

vol. lxxvi.

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