Punch: Punch (76.1879)

May 10, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

205

"IN RANGE."

Old Gent {in Omnibus). " I trust your Rifle is not Loaded, Sir, because
with this Shaking it might go off ! "

Volunteer (nettled), "No, it's not Loaded, Sir. And if it were to go

off, it wouldn't hit you !"

Old Gent. " Oh, jus' so, Sir. But—you'll pardon me—I was not con-
sidering myself so much as the poor Passengers on the Roof ! ! "

A QUESTION TO BE ASKED.

" Sir W. Fraser asked the Vice-President of the Privy Coun-
cil whether his attention had been called to the evidence taken
at the inquest on the body of Emily Hulbbrt, who died of
glanders, showing that a younger sister died of the same disease,
and that fourteen glandered horses had been kept and sold by
Bacon, cab-proprietor, of Colville Mews, Bayswater, and
whether he considered the system of inspection of cab-horses,
particularly as regards night use, to be effectual.

" Lord G. Hamilton explained that the case referred to had
been under the consideration of the Privy Council, whose chief
veterinary inspector had investigated it. As the result of this
investigation, and that of the Medical Officer to the Board of
Health, the local authorities had decided to prosecute Mr. Bacon
for frequent violations of the regulations laid down in the Act
of last year. The inspection of cab-horses was not within the
province of the Privy Council, but within that of the Home
Office."

"Why exalt Hygiene to the Heavens,

To hold inquests on the corses
Of babes, packed, sixes and sevens,

Over stalls full of glandered horses ?

Turkish horrors no one excuses,

And Russ rule is not the thing;
But of glandered children our Mewses

Have got their own song, to sing !

And it isn't a pleasant song

Eor a people great in the Arts,
And in the Sciences strong,

And with what's called '' blood " in their hearts.

And as Punch breathes the Mewses' breath,
And hears of our careful inspection

To save swine and kine from death,
It awakes in him this reflection—■

If those mothers and children there
O'er these poisonous stables pent,
Had a little of the care

spent

An Easy Mistake.

Qxjoth the Daily Telegraph—"As a matter of fact,
the Berlin Treaty is to-day marching step by step to-
wards assured success." Ouery if our friend the D. T.
has not mistaken for " marching step by step," the
movement called "marking time " ? Or perhaps it was
the goose-step he describes.

" MAGNA EST VERITAS."

" We do not argue the doctrine of Free Trade. We do not argue that the
earth is a globe."—Times.

Scene—A smoking-room. Political Economists discovered arguing.

First Political Economist [hotly). AVell, I read all the speeches
—every one of 'em. Bateman had a long way the best of it.
You can't let the whole trade of the country go to the d^gs, you
know.

Second Political Economist (ivho has read Adam Smith). Ah!
that's just where you 're all wrong. You don't understand. The
fact is {boldly) it's the very going of trade to the dogs which proves
it's most flourishing. {With more caution). At least, that's what I
make of Fawcett.

Third Political Economist {impressed). Just so. Still, if your
imports exceed your exports, where are you ?

First Political Economist. Of course. That's the point. It's
the excess of imports that does it. {Bitterly) Look at sugar !

Third Political Economist. Exactly. Look at sugar. "What's
happening to that f

Second Political Economist {slightly nettled). Well, I don't
exactly know — or care — beyond that it's twopence-halfpenny a
pound at the stores.

First Political Economist._ Yes, that's what every consumer says.
It ought to he double the price. It's beggarly.

Third Political Economist. And ruining the trade. How is the
producer to live, I should like to know ?

Second Political Economist {warmly—with a flash of Fawcett).
Well,—not as a commercial pauper supported by other people's
charity.

First Political Economist. And you call yourself a political econo-
mist ! Why, it's as plain as A, B, C. Let me put a case. Suppose

I can build bathing-machines at Birmingham at twenty-five pounds
ten a-piece, and the same thing, and better, can be turned out in
Belgium for just half the money, what am I to do ? Starve ?

Third Political Economist {to Second Political Economist, with
irony). Precisely. Starve, I suppose. And so you would if Govern-
ment didn't step in with a heavy protective tariff, to give you fair
play.

Second Politiccd Economist {still clinging to Fawcett). Yes, but if
/want to bathe in the cheapest market ?

First Political Economist. Cheapest market ? Nonsense, Sir, what
has the commercial greatness of the country to do with markets !
What we want nowadays is blow for blow, Sir; red-hot reciprocity,
and a good thundering protective tariff, to stimulate and support the
national industries that make us what we are.

^Selects a cigar, for which he pays the Waiter sevenpence, and
is left using unparliamentary language in reference to the
Tobacco Duties as the Scene closes.

Doctor and Donor.

The Obelisk, Erasmus Wilson's gift to Mr. John Bull, is said
to be undergoing the application of a " coating of a vitreous nature,"
in order to protect its surface, which had already begun to_ show
signs of " scaling," from the action of the atmosphere. Did the
donor of Cleopatra's Needle himself prescribe the remedy for it ? If
so, the prescription of an expert in cutaneous diseases may be
expected to answer.

a seasonable quest.
Where is the Mayflower ?

Cone on pilgrimage to America in search of the Spring.

VOL. LXXVI.